An ethical question for you: me vs the CSA

lauradora

postingalwaysposting wrote: »

what if the shoe was on the other foot? ie he was you and you him? how would you feel then?

Cheers pap that made me think :think:
BUT...if it was me i'd feel as guilty as hell for letting my daughter live like she has to!!! Its horrible having to be on free school dinners!

gems2381

lauradora wrote: »

I'm sure he'd soon get over it :mad: but i do get on with his mum and dad and the contact was originally between me and them :rolleyes:

Have you spoken to them about it?

tallyhoh

lauradora wrote: »

I'm sure he'd soon get over it :mad: but i do get on with his mum and dad and the contact was originally between me and them :rolleyes:

Can you ask his parents if they can find out if something is wrong & that he might be paying & the CSA have got it wrong.

You should not stop him seeing his child. If you do she wont remember the cash side of things but she will remember you stopped her seeing her own father-tough but there it is.

If he is not paying then I think he's a no-good a**seh**e. Is there no-one that can find out his true situation & grass him up?

lauradora

gems2381 wrote: »

Have you spoken to them about it?

thanks everyone you've all been bloody brilliant so far, :j I think what I might do tonight is like you say, write a letter to them explaining whats going on and see what happens from there.

love you all:beer:
Laura xx

Floss

I wouldn't recommend stopping access - he may then stop all payments altogether. Much as what he's doing or not doing may annoy you, stopping him having access is not the most satisfactory way of getting to him......

When I was having issues with the CSA over my ex & his payments (and whether he was working etc) I managed to get hold of the name of someone, who actually got their teeth into the case & sorted a lot of stuff out (...or maybe it was the letter from my MP that did it? :rolleyes: )

Anyway, I had inside information because my 2 DS's told me things...without being interrogated! Such as "Dad's being made redundant", "Dad's got a job", "Dad's got a new better paid job", "Dad's getting married in Cuba & we're not invited!"...you get my drift

This information "happened" to find its way back to the CSA :whistle: who traced his new employer through his NI number & PAYE records, and he had to sign a letter sent to his new HR department to confirm that he had received the envelope they gave him, which basically said "You're sussed, mate". Bet that was a bit embarrassing as a new member of staff!

He had also not told the CSA he was living with his fiancee, so he got the single absent parent allowance to offset his bills, rather than the joint rate.....funnily enough, I had a letter from his divorce solicitor, which confirmed that he had a joint mortgage, and was dated pre-CSA involvement, which managed to get to the CSA to support their case against him

WHen it was all sorted out, he had to pay me £1,900 in back maintenance, plus double his old payment per month to clear the arrears before DS2's child benefit stopped (maintenance stops the same day)

Sorry for the long post, but I would gather as much evidence as you can, and try to buddy-up with one of the CSA investigators.

Good luck,

Floss xx

P.S. My out-laws were quite good in playing go-betweens, but I think they got a bit fed-up of asking him why he wasn't paying when they knew he was in work!

chipbeck

lauradora wrote: »

Cheers pap that made me think :think:
BUT...if it was me i'd feel as guilty as hell for letting my daughter live like she has to!!! Its horrible having to be on free school dinners!

Cheer up love. I'm 50 and I can remember we had to pay for school dinners.
At least your daughter won't be eating pink custard and semolina.:rotfl:

nicola1982_2

My OH and his ex had a similar prob with the CSA she was being told he'd not been paying, then he got told he had arrears. The first thing he did was go over and show her his bank statements and they called the CSA and what a surprise the money materialised. THey now have a private arrangement which is much better for the both of them.

I would just ask him - you never know it may be them (it was Belfast office with OH and ex too)

JET34

Fortheloveofmoney wrote: »

I sympathise with your situation and don't have kids myself BUT I firmly believe that kids should not be used as pawns between parents. I would see this as a form of blackmail and your daughter may not thank you for it when she grows up.

Maybe he is funding his designer lifestyle on credit....

It's just a shame that he couldn't use that credit to support he's child..

I get much the same responce from my children's donor when he has something new "yea but I haven't paid for it have I" - This after he's taken a loan out to pay all of these little treat's yet NOTHING for his children!!!!!!!
Ohh this subject really make's my blood boil:mad:......................

And yes alot of the debt I had was indirectley cause because he didn't/doesn't pay me anything for his children, bar the odd packet of nappy's.

Although I would never (have thought about it) stop him seeing the boy's as it would be unfair to them!!

Jane

Fortheloveofmoney

JET34 wrote: »

It's just a shame that he couldn't use that credit to support he's child..

Yep I agree with this!

Fortheloveofmoney

LizD wrote: »

To be perfectly honest with the OP: if he left you and your daughter, he has no right to see her anyway IMHO.
However, it is worth talking to him to try and find out what's going on.

But what about the child's right to see her dad?