Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

Cairn

Oh dear it!!!8217;s all come crashing at the same time !!!55357;!!!56866;.

DS and his GF are living a very chaotic life by the sounds of things, do they want the boys back? I think you said she was struggling when DS had left her to it alone? Was it neglect even then or she just couldn!!!8217;t cope, she!!!8217;s young isn!!!8217;t she? Where is her family in this?

Surely having seen his sister (was it both of the twins who lost kids to care or just one), go through this means that he knows the consequences of losing children.

It seems he had made no effort to even try to get them back which is sad.

Can you dial into the SS meeting with biggest? Even if you close for an hour the travelling time is saved.

Cairn

I’ve no idea why it’s formatted like that. I’m posting from a mobile.

I vaguely remember the guilt that you experienced after your previous grandchildren were taken, biggest may need real support and looking after in this.:(

I don’t understand your son and his GF though. They don’t seem to care which is so sad.

Savvy_sewing

I think that they do care, and love the boys. But they are dysfunctional and cannot seem to take on board the seriousness that the way they are living is not a very good idea.
I fear that the enormity of it will hit them when they get to the first meetings and court cases. But I don't think they will ever function normally now.
How do you change over night? Change the way you live, the ability to budget, to forward plan and to earn a decent wage and work a full time normal job.

thorsoak

Sadly, there are those people who want to live their own way, without any thought to anyone else - although of course, they will demand any benefits to which they have been told they might be entitled - without accepting that there may be restrictions. And of course, any help offered will only be accepted if they do not have to do anything themselves - but they will whinge if they do not get what they think they want - not necessarily need.

ognum

thorsoak wrote: »

Sadly, there are those people who want to live their own way, without any thought to anyone else - although of course, they will demand any benefits to which they have been told they might be entitled - without accepting that there may be restrictions. And of course, any help offered will only be accepted if they do not have to do anything themselves - but they will whinge if they do not get what they think they want - not necessarily need.

I don’t know that I fully agree with this. The way I read it the suggestion is that these young people are aware of what they are doing.

I interpret the actions Mooloo describes as children having children. They do not conceive that actions have consequences or that life will end up very differently than they invisage.

Is this thier fault or are they simply incapable of understanding? Without actually knowing the people and running some cognitive testing it I should impossible to say.

For sure we cannot start by believing they are have the life experience, knowledge or understanding that they need. If they did they would not be in the situation they are.

Cairn

I see. I thought they were kind of ‘ah well’ rather than we want our children back.

Is there any chance someone could move in with them temporarily to help or it is beyond that?

Yes change does take time, but be hopeful as not long ago he was working and functioning. I hope I’m not not being naive, and I agree if the boys are being neglected that removal is best but I wonder that if this is fairly recent and the parents care, is theee anything that can be done? I think one of your daughters got help to keep hers?

Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope you can find a calm if not exactly happy, place

pollyanna_26

Thinking of yourself and Biggest Mooloo . Such a hard time but sometimes only the kindest action is the way to go .
I think you'll all be struggling to sleep tonight . I hope tomorrow's meeting goes well for Biggest and send warm hugs and strength to all .polly x

Savvy_sewing

Cairn wrote: »

I see. I thought they were kind of ‘ah well’ rather than we want our children back.

Is there any chance someone could move in with them temporarily to help or it is beyond that?

Yes change does take time, but be hopeful as not long ago he was working and functioning. I hope I’m not not being naive, and I agree if the boys are being neglected that removal is best but I wonder that if this is fairly recent and the parents care, is theee anything that can be done? I think one of your daughters got help to keep hers?

Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope you can find a calm if not exactly happy, place

Of course they want the boys back, and they believe they will. But they are in denial that it is as serious as it is. They say they have been ignored and don't know what is going on. They believe that tidying up is all that's needed and that they are trying. But alas they are messing it up in all the other rooms when trying to deal with one room. They are just moving it all around really. Getting upset with trying to sort the children's things and chose to go away instead of getting help etc.
Ithere is nobody able to move in with them, and I cannot imagine anyone wanting to live there even briefly.
They should have accepted help and been willing to learn when the first child was born, not wait to drown in their own mess. They should have been able to understand that their friends were not helpful and after loosing Twin2 s boys DS has no excuse to not know.
This is extremely hard for my family at the moment and emotionally we are all drained.

I am off to bed.

gruffalo55

From memory DS and GF should be entitled to legal aid for legal advice for any proceedings brought by the local authority for a care order or supervision order so worth looking into.

Have followed your threads for many years Mooloo, sorry to read about the latest events.

ivyleaf

((HUGS)) Mooloo. I hope everything goes as well as possible tomorrow. I think you said your son's GF had been in care? So she won't have much, if any, idea of the best way to look after small children if her own early life wasn't as it should have been