Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

ognum

Mooloo wrote: »

I have gone through one emotion after another. I have said that I would have to try, but then as you all say. I actually have to use my head not my heart and I am not getting any younger etc
Social are coming to see Biggest on Thursday and she wants me to go.
I will arrange for the Shop to be covered with my Seamstress and support her.
Reality is that we have to think of all of the other children in the family and those boys.
Realistically I cannot do it.
Realistically Biggest cannot do it.
My sisters Daughter is considering putting herself forward but her kids are older.
I have to think of the bigger picture and although I don't want to loose them they will be better with foster parents and if necessary adoption like my other boys.
It is hard to say or think but I have Dgd and a business to run.

Believe me Mooloo, I never thought it was easy I simply put my thoughts on paper.

I am lad you will be there when SS visit Biggest

thorsoak

Thinking of you, and of Biggest and her family, Mooloo - I know it will be heartbreaking for you all - but I agree with the others. If your niece could step up to the plate, that would be absolutely marvellous - but how realistic would that be?

Your DS (should stand for Doped Son?) Is not going to change quickly - he has chosen his route in life, you cannot change him - you have given him so many opportunities - how many motorbikes? the forge? etc etc etc. At the moment - and probably for at least the next 10 years he will not be good parent material - and it will be far better for these babies to be adopted out into a family which will give them the opportunities and love that they wouldnt get with DS and GF - and Biggest and her OH and little family deserve to be allowed to be a family without the stress that another two small boys - and disfunctional parents intervening - would bring.

You and Biggest have done all you can - its a shame that DS hasn't.

Savvy_sewing

I am probably out of order because I sent a text message to DS reminded him his car insurance runs out Thursday and that we don't have the money so he needs to get home and sorn his car.
Obviously I have not had a reply.
Deep down I know that it's the end of the relationship with my son.'
But I have always told you all as it is. Maybe I should have not but I cannot lie to you either. I should be in bed hours ago yet I am scared of sleep because I don't like my dreams

sillyvixen

I am so sorry mooloo, it pains me greatly to say it, but the best outcome for ds's children is adoption. You are not in a position to take on 2 more, biggest has 2 already and another on the way ( you already stated earlier on she was struggling with her third pregnancy). Having her child quota double before her new born is due is unbeliebly stress full. I can see her and hubby will struggle going from 2 to 5 in a short period of time, that's is a stress full situation & biggest does not need that stress right now. I pray social services find them a family that will love them and keep them together - there are so many childless couples out there who could give the kids a much better life than ds and gf. I am so sorry I , know its a tough decision but it may be the best for all concerned.

surveyqueenuk

I'm concerned that if Biggest does take them, there is nobody else to support her but you, Moo. I have a strong feeling that you will invariably doing the brunt of the work, on top of looking after DGD and Mum. That's beside the sewing too!

This is going to sound awful and I'm sorry but you can't give up your dreams, the one thing you have to hold onto, because people have had children they cannot look after and don't even seem to particularly want.

*max*

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

I'm concerned that if Biggest does take them, there is nobody else to support her but you, Moo. I have a strong feeling that you will invariably doing the brunt of the work, on top of looking after DGD and Mum. That's beside the sewing too!

This is going to sound awful and I'm sorry but you can't give up your dreams, the one thing you have to hold onto, because people have had children they cannot look after and don't even seem to particularly want.

And will likely have more - only a matter of time before DS and partner have yet another one they can't look after either. Contraception doesn't seem to be a priority, or even a concern, for any of Mooloo's children.

Savvy_sewing

Actually that's not fair.
Twin1 and her partner decided deliberately that they would like another child, and their pregnancy is planned.
Twin2 was on the implant before her miscarriage.(although he won't use a condom to be extra safe). I believe she had to have it removed and was put on the pill, but she was ill and of course because of that it didn't work. She is back on the implant.
Biggest chose to try for this baby and it is part of their plans to have another within a time span.
It is only DSs GF who deliberately hood winked him and said she was on the pill but deliberately stopped taking them because she wanted to ensnare him. Although for a while it didn't work and she was on her own. But DS was lured back.
I agree that I don't think they are going to be sensible though and I fear she will do it again.

Savvy_sewing

I thought long and hard over the last few days about the possibility of having the boys, and after all the pros and cons I ruled it out.
I will support Biggest with Social tomorrow, and I will be supportive of her decision that it is too much and her marriage and family must come first.
I don't think I can support DS any more as he is not listening or trying to really sort him self out.
That's going to be tough as I have always tried to bail him out. But this time I cannot do it.
My sanity has to be sorted, DGD needs her own support with her self esteem and her unhappiness at school. She needs to adjust from being a little girl into a young lady too.
My business needs to work for the rest of the lease at least, and I will have to continue to bring work home through the busy times so that I keep up with the work.
After the lease is up, I will either work from home or look for another job. Time will tell.
I will continue to do down the debt along with Biggest and make my savings up to be able to go back to holidays and follow my dreams.

I have worked it out. It was just difficult to do.
I know where I am going now, I will manage it and hopefully one day DS will grow up.

Slinky

I think that sounds like a good plan Mooloo.


For one thing, if the boys are still with Biggest, DS and/or his GF are bound to still have some influence over their lives in someway, whether that's good or bad contact, (or no contact at all, Daddy/Mummy don't love me etc). The chances of it being good contact seem slim. You've said that already the older child's behaviour has improved simply through being cared for and guided better.


Most people can have children, not everybody is cut out to be a parent. Some people recognise that, many don't.



Would you like those boys to grow up, get good jobs, build fantastic lives for themselves? Does it seem likely to happen if they were still under the influence of their disfunctional parents?


They'll have better chances and so will Biggest's children if she has 3 to care for rather than 5.

atolaas

Mooloo (((hugs)))