Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

Savvy_sewing

Needless to say I cannot sleep.
I wonder what next?
I am trying to sleep but my head just keeps repeating it all over again. I have a headache with it all.
Logic tells me that the children are safe with Biggest. That there is nothing I can do. I am wondering why it deteriorated so fast, what must be going through their minds now, DS and GF, and how long they will remain in custody. I dread facing them, I don't know what I will say to them, I am wondering if they will decline even further, if that is possible, or if they are going to change. I wonder if they will expect me to bail them out, how they will get home when released, and how we can pick up the pieces after all this.
I am worried about my ability to work with all this going on, but know that I must as my business is growing and I need to do the best at finally turning a profit, and getting some funds coming in, and less going out.
Holidays are the last thing on my mind, and I doubt that I will ever be able to go to Portugal in the next 10 years. I think I am definitely in a new and currently feeling very surreal chapter. What else can life throw in my face?
I know that I am strong most of the time, and that there is little I can do but I have this little voice inside me saying that I cannot take much more. Yet I will have to. I am wondering where my big girls knickers are at the moment because I am not sure how many times I can pull them up!!
But I suppose what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but really all in one week? I feel God has a sadistic streak going on.
Dgd was at school when this kicked off, so my friend had to collect her for me, unfortunately she gave them rubbish food and too much chocolate and when I picked her up she was feeling sick. She was in here around 10 wanting a cuddle, and telling me she can't sleep, although she is fast asleep as I went to check on her before I went down to make a cup of tea.
I would normally bash my diary but I left it at work, and I thought about doing some sewing but I also left it at work.
My tea is nearly finished, I made a milky one, and ate a banana, because I only had a piece of toast earlier and I couldn't eat the 2nd as it tasted like cardboard to me at the time.
Now I gave off loaded, I am going to try and sleep again.
Mind you I think I have a notebook that I could temporarily use to write in if I don't achieve sleep soon.

Eager_Elephant

(((Mooloo)) so sorry to read about what happened yesterday.

It may be a blessing in disguise - social services takes ages to investigate reports of dirty houses etc so things could have just got worse but a child out on its own is a much higher priority hence they have swooped in now.

In an ideal world DS and his GF would get help for their addictions and be allowed to have their children back but they have to really want to do this and too be honest even though Biggest has her own children and one on the way she is the best option long term for them children.

I don't know if DS and GF have the maturity to care for children, they seem quite wrapped up in their own world and just happen to have 2 little ones as well.

Savvy_sewing

I have said if necessary I would step up. But in reality your all right, I am unable too. I need to continue working at the business until the lease expires which is another 16 months. Due to the financial commitments.
I am too old realistically to take on a 3 year old and a 4 month baby now. I would be 75 before the baby was 18.
It would also disrupt Dgds life dramatically and she is already emotional and clingy.
I don't have any things suitable for caring for them, and Biggest is currently the best option. Of course we don't know what the maternal family is going to do or want to do either and there is no love lost between us all.
I spoke with my Mum and Brother last night.
My best contribution would be babysitting or school runs in the future when I am not tied down to the Shop! Any help now will mean compromise to the business etc and even though I am planning to wind it down to a work from home situation it is far too early to start that while I am committed to the lease and the running costs of the business.
My brother is of the opinion that I would be better off looking to full fill my dreams and renting a place inva community where I could get work amongst the expat community eventually.
Also where I can find a school for DGD ( I would also have to go through a few legal hoops to take her out of the country if we go before she is 18.
I am not sure that I will ever get there before then, but it is a different avenue to throw in the mix.
I would need only enough money for 6-8 months rental and living costs if I found work. So I will not give up the idea of my dreams but I will review and research other avenues when the time comes.
I will keep that thought for now, because life seems less hopeless then.
I just still wonder what next? I don't know what will happen next about the idiots and I presume that with the cannabis found, the charges will be added to the list and I would not be surprised if they throw the book at my son. (And the gf.) hopefully they will be able to see through her sacaren and cloying ways. I believe she was mouthing off at the police before I arrived and blaming everything on my son. It takes two to live that life, and she forgets drug tests will show up her involvement. Even if by some miracle she didn't prove positive she should not have been living or allowing him to do it in the house, and live in squalor. How they managed not to be found earlier is beyond me. There is no way that health visitors could not have seen the mess. There is no way the bathroom had been touched in months so I doubt that the children had bathed in months. I think they used baby wipes as a cure all!
Sorry to go on, I think I am still in shock and disgusted with it. I wish I had been there more before and flagged it up earlier than I did.
I don't know how I am going to deal with DS when he is released. The mother in me wants to help, but the other side of me wants to tell him he made his bed so he has to lie in it.
I fear that things are going to be tough for quite some time.
I hope Biggest and her Husband are strong enough to take on such a huge task. Dgs3 is a handful as obvious he doesn't listen and there will be rivalry between the boys being both the same age.
I still want to shout at the universe and say Why is? And What next? Please send me some good news for once. I feel knackered and now I have to go on with my day and open my shop, and smile at customers. I am going to be on my own now until next Tuesday. Obviously Biggest has had to give up work now. Luckily she worked for me.

mademoiselle_2

Chin up, Mooloo. It may seem dark today, but try and concentrate on the positives.
You don't have to worry any more about the little ones - they are safe with your daughter. Now the lifestyle of your son is out in the open, he might (have to) face making changes.
You have your health, you have the means of earning your living, you are providing a safe and secure and loving home for your granddaughter.
You have many friends and family who love and appreciate you.
You have the goodwill of your friends on the forum - we are willing you on to better things.
You have choices you can make - listen to your brother, you may still be able to make a life for yourself in Portugal, it is a choice you can make, and choices are freedom!
One day at a time. Love and light.

Brighton_belle

I'm so sorry Mooloo. Tough times.

I don't agree with all Mademoiselles suggested positives though - you don't have good health and life is an added struggle because of it.
Now is not the time for major decisions of course, but your brothers suggestion sounds a good one to consider to me. It's what your heart longs for and is manifested by your need to go abroad for holidays as often as possible (not a criticism) and the warmth seems to be good for your health and pain levels.

The little ones are now safe. And rescued young enough to have a chance of a happy life. Your going round more often will only have delayed this and meant the children would have been older and had more issues themselves. You did the best you could.

ivyleaf

I'm so sorry, Mooloo. Sending you very best wishes xx

*Robin*

Oh Mooloo - ((((hugs))))!

You'll get through this with honour, just like you've got through all the other family challenges to date - but - please don't go and collect DS when he's released, don't feed him or sympathise, and certainly don't give him any more subs!

DS won't respect the authorities - bet he's feeling victimised now - but there is a chance he may realise how much he needs to change if you and his sister make it clear how disappointed you are by not easing his situation in any way.
Sometimes, that is the kindest thing you can do although of course it will break your heart in the short term.

thorsoak

Until DS learns that he - and only he - is responsible for the situation that he is in, he will not benefit from help. As Robin says, do not bail him out any more -you will just be fuelling his habit. You and Biggest will have enough to do looking after his babies who have not had a good start in life - and that is enough.

No more making excuses for him, Mooloo - others have had a worse start in life than you have given him, and they haven't chosen the path that he has. I know that you are fiercely protective of your family - but you do have to face the facts. xxx

Savvy_sewing

I closed the shop and collected them from the station.
I left them back at their house. Last night her sister turned up and cleaned up the kitchen and sitting room. Too late.
I have been in discussions with Social and CPS as has Biggest.
My friend has once again helped with Dgd. Collecting her from school. I talked to the School head before work and they are going to get Dgd some counselling.
I am not providing any monetary help.
The social were going to see DS and GF this evening to get them to sign a family safety agreement. Then take it to Biggest.
I was not happy to have to collect her as well as DS, but I gritted my teeth and did.
Tomorrow I am going to have to work later than ever.

trix-a-belle

I hope this is the serious short sharp hard shock they require. Well done you, you couldn't have done any more for them. It may have been too late for her sister to turn up but better late than never, hopefully her family will get involved more now and shoulder some load.
I'm glad to hear you are getting the head on the case of counselling for DGD xx