Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..

beanielou

Good news on the pernament job.
Have subscribed

Chandelier.

Evening,

Yet another new month approaches us as of tomorrow. I'm hoping it will be much quieter then April.

My shifts are rather funny for the week ahead but it's nothing that I can't handle. I'll get more time with the boy this week then I have recently. I've nothing much planned for my days off except a couple of appointments.

The cars booked in for it's MOT and service on Thursday which will set me back around £165 but then its done and dusted for another year. I have savings to cover this.

I have my next counselling appointment on Friday which I'm looking forward to. I've alot to get off my chest.

I never knew I could hate somebody as much as I do right this moment. The thought of them makes me feel sick and makes my stomach turn. How times change and you really see the person for who they are. Thankfully they are no longer in my life but it's taken me a while to realise how much negativity they brought to my life. It's been a waste of six months but I've learnt many lessons in that time. I'm never going to wear my heart on my sleeve again.

It's time for change and new scenery.

Chandelier.

Afternoon!

I've spent the morning going through my online banking and have allocated all funds for the month to the correct accounts. Each one is building up nicely ready for the events ahead for the year! I'm really optimistic now for the future and what it holds.

I had an appointment with my CPN this morning which went well and she states I'm looking miles better then I have for a while and that I seem a lot more positive and enthusiastic then I have done for a long time. My medications are still being titrated back up slowly and I should be back on the full amount by the time I see the consultant again in June. I will be seeing a new consultant who is apparently lovely but my old one still asks about me apparently. So my CPN is happy to report back that I'm doing well which is good!

I'm about to book the accomodation for my get away in June to Dublin with my friend. The whole trip works out at around £150 each, not including spending money obviously but I think that's reasonable for four days away and many memories shall be made! Who knows, maybe I'll meet a dashing irishman! Haha.

But on a serious note, I'm taking time out of the dating game. Two bad experiences have put me off for a while. The others are not entirely to blame as I can be difficult but I'm ready to focus on me and when the time comes, I'm sure I'll meet someone lovely and that they'll be worth the wait.

The plan today is to chill out, pick the boy up from school and then I'll go to the gym later. I've lost my mojo a little bit with everything going on but I'm ready to get back into the swing of it.

My savings have gone down a little bit due to paying for my mum's 60th but we had an amazing time and it was a birthday to remember.

Another thing that has been playing on my mind a little bit is that I'd like to take the boy travelling next year in the six week holidays. My options are to either explore Europe or go further afield to Australia/New Zealand. I'm yet to decide but all I know is that I want to go. I'll start saving once my holidays are over this year and will focus on saving a set amount each month to cover all costs. It will be a trip of a lifetime for him but I need to get other things in place first.

beanielou

Glad that your mums 60th went well.

natsplatnat

Chandelier. wrote: »

My options are to either explore Europe or go further afield to Australia/New Zealand.QUOTE]


I know several people who have travelled Europe using the train network - you can buy a ticket (I think) which enables you to pretty much travel all over... and it wasn't horribly priced! Just a thought!

Chandelier.

Natsplantnat, that's what I'm possibly thinking about doing. Maybe trial Europe next year with the boy and it will give me ideas whether going further afield is viable! Plus it could work out cheaper overall. I'm thinking of maybe doing a month and have a set number of places to visit. It will certainly be educational and I could use my MSE ways to make it cost effective .

I've spent the day sorting out my finances and then journalling down how I'm feeling in general. I got quite a bit wrote down and it felt good to get it off my chest. I've folded up the pieces of paper and put them in a shoe box in my cupboard. One day I'll look back and read on them and laugh at my ways of thinking.

I then picked the boy up from school and spent half an hour reading with him. We then played a little football in the garden and went out for a bike ride but it started raining mid way through although we didn't get too wet. My friend is coming round afterwards and we are going to go for an ice cream and there we shall finally book the accomodation for Dublin which is exciting. I can't believe how much I've got to look forward too this year. I just need to remember to pace myself and take it all in my stride. I want to try and reduce the risk of a relapse with my mental health during all this. I don't always do well with change but it's something I'm working on. Hopefully I'll get to the gym later and burn off some excess energy.

I'm flitting between feeling angry, hurt and upset with what has gone on in my personal life just lately. It's confusing at times and sometimes I wish I could just rewind and do everything differently. I never expected to lose somebody close to me. I know I've hurt him in many ways and that there was no longer any trust there but I do miss him and there feels like there is a small gap in my life. Hopefully by taking each day as it comes, things will get easier and maybe one day we can be friends again. I honestly wish him all the best, I'm trying to be the bigger person but it's hard. It still feels pretty raw and unreal but there's too much emotion at the moment to even contemplate a friendship. He was like a best friend to me and my go to person for many things and now I feel like I have no one. I know things happen for a reason but for now it hurts. I can't wait for the day I turn round and smile at the memories we made.

I just need to keep regaining my focus and plod on with life and keep the momentum going. I know I can get through this, I'm resillient enough and have been through much worse. Life's a funny thing but I sure do love it and want to make the most of it, I have no regrets and I'm learning to forgive and be more compassionate with myself. I'm starting to let go of what doesn't matter and concentrate on what does.

And thats the boy & me.

Chandelier.

Afternoon,

Yet another week has passed before we know it! There hasn't been vast amounts going on here as I've spent a lot of time at work but all is going well.

My car passed it's MOT and had it's service. All paid for out of savings.

I had a mini meltdown last Friday but I finally got it all out of my system and I'm doing much better. I'm a lot happier and feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm no longer carrying any guilt or blame around with me and I've come to terms with certain things.

I worked all weekend but had Monday off where I spent time with my sister, her partner and my mum. We went shopping during the day and then went for an Italian in the evening which was lovely.

I've then spent the rest of the week from Tuesday onwards working and I'm not off until the weekend now.

Today I've been to the gym and then I went for brunch with a friend and I'm working later on but it's only a short shift.

The accommodation is booked for Dublin. Just over a month to go! I still need to finalise plans for my sisters hen weekend and hopefully will do that soon.

The rest should come together itself.

For now I'm going to continue as I am and just allow myself to be happy. The difference in me is amazing and I now no longer feel pressure to pretend to be someone I'm not

beanielou

Always good just to be you

Scott-Weiland

Hope your well Chandlier and that alls good.xx

Chandelier.

Beanie, yes it is good to be me once more. I've found my smile again and nothing is no longer fazing me after a few weeks where I was quite teary and delusional. I'm now able to see things more clearly and have a lot of upcoming exciting events which I'm looking forward to. Scott, it's good to hear from you. I hope you're well to! I seemed to have lost your number as my phone reset itself.

I finished the last of my shifts yesterday and now have six days off. I'm unsure what I have planned just yet but will probably hit the gym and get back into the routine. I've had a bit of a break and my eating has gone a bit sideways but I'll soon get back to it. I've lost 15lb in total so far.

Today, the boy and I have been shopping with my mum and have bought some clothes for our holidays. I bought myself an eccentric dress which has flamingos on it, it looks better then it sounds. I also managed to get quite a lot for the boy and managed to get 10% off which is better then nothing.

Tonight, I may possibly be going for a drive out into the country with a close friend to find a nice pub. The boy shall accompany us and maybe we can go for a walk down the canal.

I've arranged to go out for a meal with another friend I recently met this week and have planned drinks with another in two weeks time so I'm slowly filling up the gaps that felt so empty after recent events. I'll make great effort to carry this on.

I no longer speak to manfriend, he's definately a part of my past and that chapter is now closed. It's sad to think what it has become as once we were so close and would talk all the time. Some things just aren't meant to be I guess but I'm grateful for the time I spent with him and for the memories we made. I honestly wish him all the best and hope he gets everything he wants out of life. Maybe one day our paths may cross again but for now it's goodbye.

I'm really determined to knuckle down and get saving for next year! I'm going to speak to my manager next week about booking off 4-6 weeks off in the summer to travel Europe with the boy. We've already started adding places we'd like to visit to the list which is exciting and it involves him in the planning. I've a lot of research to do but it's so exciting. I'm not sure what sort of budget I'm looking at yet.

Work's been brilliant this week and I've received many compliments. The doctor I worked with told me I should apply for a sister's post or do my advanced nurse training as I'd be a great candidate at it. It's not something I want to do right this moment but I may look into it in the future, especially the advanced practitioner post. If it was seconded I'd definately think about it.