Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..

Chandelier.

Evening,

It's a lovely day here and I've been stuck in work most of the day, however I'm off out tonight with a friend for a few drinks so I've got myself dolled up for some bank holiday fun! I'm not expecting it to be too late of a night but I'm up for some people watching and maybe a little dance! The friend I'm going with is absolutely lovely and I can't wait to see them. I'm sadly working again tomorrow so I need to watch myself a little.

I'm doing really well and I'm in a great mindset and I'm much more positive about the future. I honestly don't know what the future will bring but I'm hopeful that everything will work out as it should do. I'm smiling constantly these days and I no longer feel anger or frustration like I did before. It's amazing what a difference it can make when people are no longer a part of your life. I honestly do believe that people come into your life for a reason and not everyone is meant to stay, even though it may hurt at the time.

The boy is well and has been entertained by his Nanna all day playing tennis in the garden. He really does light up my life and gives me the motivation to do all that I do. I'd honestly be lost without him.

Have a great weekend everyone

beanielou

Lovely to hear you so positive

Chandelier.

Well last night ended up a late one and I'm paying for it this morning. It doesn't help that I'm working a late shift today.

I had quite a few drinks but really enjoyed myself. My night started off wrong as I'd left my I'd at home so I had to go back for that and then we kind of did a mini scum run going into some pubs along the promenade. We went into one place where the atmosphere was great, people were dancing and enjoying themselves and even I had a little wiggle! The style of music was old cheesy pop/some of the greatest hits but they really did keep people entertained and it made me happy to see people who I don't even know happy. It helps by the fact I had great company with my friend who was forcing me to dance and I was able to completely relax and be myself. We ended the night back at their place where we just chilled out and listened to some music.

My friend didn't know about my history regarding mental health and I felt it was appropriate last night to tell them so I could see their reaction to see where we go from there. It surprised me to be fair because they were really good and understanding about it and even confided of troubles they'd had before. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I know longer have to keep it in and I can be open and honest about it. I'm really enjoying being back out there, there's no pressure.

Whilst out, I ran into the boy's Dad's girlfriend who came for a drink with us where she poured all her heart and troubles out. It was quite sad to hear what she's going through because he's repeating the same pattern as he did with me, he will never learn what he's got until it's gone. I sent him and very angry message telling him to let her enjoy having a drink with me.

Anyhow I best get ready for work. I need to knuckle down and sort myself out. I'm feeling rather precious today!

Chandelier.

Morning!

The bank holiday is finally over and I'm pleased to say I had a really good one.

As stated before I went out on Saturday and had a fab night but I definately paid for it the next day, especially at work! I had a great shift though and left feeling really happy and content with all I'd achieved and done. One lovely lady complimented me and stated how patient, kind and understanding I'd been and that I was perfect for the job role. There are days I doubt myself but the good outnumber the bad.

Yesterday I met up with my friend again and we went to a local beauty spot where we went for a picnic and walk along the river. We even went geocaching and found a few small treasures. This is definately something I'm going to look into for the boy and hopefully can do with him as I think he'll love it.

I had a great day yesterday and really felt in my element. It was nice and relaxed and I just felt really content and happy. A lot of that is down to the company I was with.

I stated a few weeks ago I was taking time out of the dating game but by chance me and this friend met each other. We've been on a few dates and really enjoy each others company. He makes me feel special and is always complimenting me. I can totally be myself around him and we're both always smiling at one another. I'm definately taking it slow and we can only see where it leads. I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious but I'll see how it goes. At the moment he fits into my life quite nicely and we are able to meet up a couple of times a week. He's understanding and accepting of my circumstances and he knows about my Bipolar/ADHD which was a relief after I told him. He was really good about it and told me that I'm always able to talk to him if I need to. It's nice to be open and honest with someone and be able to be my true self. Hopefully he'll continue to see the best of me.

I've the next three days off and plan to fill them with fun for me and the boy. Today I'm planning on taking him to our local theme park where we'll take a picnic and I've yet to plan the rest of the week. I'm trying to keep spends to a minimum as the next few months are definately going to be spendy.

My phone seems to be dying a slow and painful death. I've been tempted by the new Samsung S9 and have found a phone contract for £23 a month but it has an upfront cost. I'm debating whether this is the right thing to do so I'll have a good think about it. The cost of a brand new phone works out roughly around the same price as the contract over a two year period. I'll make sure to do my homework!

Chandelier.

So after lots of thought and deliberation, I've purchased a new phone. I went through the topcashback website and have ordered the Samsung S9. I've had to pay £200 upfront but the plan will cost me £23 a month for unlimited calls, texts and 3gb of data which will be enough for me. The total cost over the two year contract including the cost of the handset equals to what it would cost me for the brand new phone only or the one below plus sim only. So I'm kind of breaking even. It should arrive tomorrow so I'm pretty excited.

I've also decided to visit my sister in law tomorrow and will stay overnight. My brothers working away so her and my nephew will be on their own so I think she could do with the company. She gets rather lonely at times and it will be good to build up a relationship with her again. It's been strained at times because I don't necessarily agree with some of their choices but I've decided to let things go and make the most of what we've got. It will be good for the boy to see his nephew too.

It's time to pay my holiday balance this week so my savings will take a hit but there's less then four months to go until our Carribean cruise. After September I'm going to start putting money away to save up for Europe next year. I'm unsure of how much we'll need but I've posted on the travel board here where hopefully I'll get some advice and suggestions.

I'm also thinking of going camping in the next few weeks with my friend. He's really into it and has all the gear for it so I won't have many experiences. I'll suggest it to him later on and see what he says.

Anyhow the picnic is made and we're about to set off for our day out at the theme park

Chandelier.

Morning,

We had a wondeful day the other day at our local theme park. The boy has now grown enough to get on some of the bigger rollercoasters so he went on his first one that went upside down. The picture from it is brilliant so I bought it. We had a nice picnic in the sun and a milkshake to go along with it. We then met up with the boy's dad and his girlfriend and went to our local funfair and then back to their house where they made us a homemade curry. Surprisingly we have a really good relationship even if the boy's dad never really steps up. It was nice to all get along and spend some time together.

On Wednesday we travelled to Catterick to ser my sister in law and nephew. She's alone whilst my brothers away on exercise so we had a good catch up. The drive there wasn't too bad and the weather just about held off. We went for a walk yesterday and did a little bit of shopping. I bought some new walking boots which are lovely and should last me a while. The plan is to go on more walks and explore the countryside.

It looks like we are going camping mid June. I confirmed this with my friend and he has all the gear. I just need to buy some camping chairs which I should be able to pick up cheap enough and that should be us. We are looking at going Ingleton Falls which is suppose to be lovely. Whilst there we will do some geocaching and explore the areas around us.

It's been payday and it's a new month ahead. I really need to watch my spends this month as I've got my holiday balance to pay for. That means my savings will go down but I'll build them back up as much as possible. As we're having such an expensive year, I'm not too worried about building upon my savings. Any is a bonus.

Anyhow I best get ready for the day ahead. I'm working 3x 10 hr shifts over the next few days and it's date night tonight. I'm hoping to go to a small local place near me if my friend is up for it.

RhiBi

Hi, I'm glad things are working out so well, you deserve it!

We do geocaching too, it's great fun, and inexpensive xxxx

Chandelier.

Morning,

I've finally finished my run of three, ten hour shifts and it's my day off today. I've quite a few things on my to do list that I'd like to get ticked off. Then I'm back in for another five shifts, some of which are silly but I'm having to cover the ward.

I need to phone up the tax office and sort out my tax code as they have this wrong and I've been getting taxed more then I should. They have it split across two posts and I'd rather all my allowance be on my main post and then the usual basic rate on my bench post. I rarely do bench or extra shifts as I do enough as it is.

I've sorted out all my online banking for the month and have paid my bills. I just need to set up a payment for one credit card and allocate funds to pay another. These are just day to day credit cards just to build up a credit history and show that I'm able to use them responsibly and pay them in full each month.

My holiday in September has now been paid for and I just need to await final figures then I'll transfer the money to my mum as she put it on her credit card. I'll have to use some of my savings but I'll soon build these back up. I've also our holiday to Cornwall to pay for. The boys grandad will pay this and I'll pay him back and maybe see if I can spread it over a few months to make things easier due to all the expenses I've coming out over the next few months.

I've a few things going on this month. I'm going for a night away for my birthday and then we are off camping for the weekend. I've got all the stuff to go so shouldn't have many expenses there apart from paying for the campsite which is around £50 for two nights then the cost of food which I'll split with my friend. I'm then off to Dublin so I'll need to get some euros for this. I'm unsure how much to take, we are there for four days, three nights. I also need to do some research and make an intenary of things to do and places to see. So if anyone has any recommendations I'd appreciate them. I'm then off to London for the first of my sister's hen do's and the following weekend is for glamping in Wales. So I really need to watch the pennies.

I saw my friend last night and he came round to mine for the evening. I bought him some beers and cooked us both steak for dinner and we sat and chilled with a few drinks and conversation was flowing. He really does make me happy and I'm always smiling around him. Although it's nothing serious at the moment, even if we end up friends then I'll be glad to have him in my life. We've both agreed that we need to start watching our pennies and saving some money so we're going to limit our meals out and do more stuff that is free or cost effective. It's the little things that count. I don't like him paying for everything so I make sure things are equal for us both so it's less pressure. I can totally be myself around him and I've confided things to him that others don't know. He knows I was suicidal earlier on this year and that I was self harming. I've promised him that I won't do this again and that I'll continue to take my meds and that if I'm ever down I will open up and talk to him when I'm ready. He's okay with that and just wants me to be open and honest with him and he'll be there for me no matter what.

I had a bit of a dip in mood towards the end of last week due to being so busy that I exhausted myself. I wasn't my normal self on Saturday and people could tell. I was worried that I was dipping back into a depressive episode but I seem to have pulled myself out and made sure I've had enough sleep. It seems to be lack of sleep and disruption to my routine that throws me so it's important I try to maintain these as much as possible.

I've an appointment with my new psychiatrist today whom I've never met before. I will probably have to confess all and give my history which I'm not looking forward to. I don't want my medications being messed with as I seem to have been on an even keel aside from a few dips and a couple of highs but they can be managed. I'm a hyperactive person and it's part of my personality.

Anyhow I beat get on with my day. I've spent the last two hours sat in the garden chilling in this warm weather. I've missed a lot of it due to work so I'm going to utilise my time effectively and chill out.

Bye for now!

beanielou

You are & will be a very busy bee!
Hope your appointment goes well.

Chandelier.

Hello!

It's been a week since I last updated and what a week it's been. It's been a mixture of ups and downs but hopefully I've got through the worst of it. There's been moments where I've doubted myself and we received some bad news last week so I'm trying to keep it all together.

My appointment with the consultant went okay. He's really lovely and treated me like a person and not just a patient. He let me have a say in my treatment plan and we've decided to continue with the medications I'm currently on and will reassess in three months time. I have just in case medications prescribed for when times may become difficult to manage. I've figured out the best thing for me to do during these times is to sleep it off so that's what I've been doing when I felt down.

After my appointment I went and got my car washed that cost £5 because there was no way I was up to doing it myself. I did clean all the inside out though, hoovered and sorted through everything in my car. It's now nice and looks new again. I'm going to keep on top of it more and find my car mats to go in.

I then worked Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and just plodded on through as best as I could. Work has been a bit challenging just lately but I'm trying to take it all in my stride and delegate as best as possible to take the pressure off. There have been a few dramas that I just don't have the energy to deal with and I've stayed out of it and put it to the back of my mind. Work politics can be so demanding and draining at times. The morale and atmosphere has been quite low at times but I'm trying my best to bring it back up as much as possible.

On Friday I met up with some work friends in the morning for a few drinks. We ended up staying for lunch which was nice as we were sat outside in the sun. I then met up with some other friends later in the afternoon for coffee and cake and then in the evening I went out for an Italian with the boy and my mum which was lovely. So overall a busy day and full of food outings!

I worked Saturday and ended up having a breakdown crying. We've just found out my auntie who I'm close to is riddled with cancer all over her body. I'm truly devastated and this was the tip of the iceberg for me and it all just came out. I was in floods of tears and hyperventilating. Luckily the person I was working alongside was understanding. I exhausted myself physically and emotionally and went straight home to bed. The boy was at a family bbq with my mum and had a great time even if it ended up a late night for him.

On Sunday I took the boy skating which I haven't done much of recently due to my hectic work schedule. He's coming on leaps and bounds and always tries so hard, he makes me so proud. I then had a nap and went to work for a five hour shift that flew by.

On Monday I met up with a friend and yet again went for lunch. It was two for one on all meals so it was an added bonus and money saved there. We had a good catch up and discussed anything and everything. It was good to get things off my chest and actually enjoy myself.

My mood seems to have perked up a bit and I had a good shift at work, if a little bit stressful at times but I plodded on through and felt more relaxed then I have done in a while. I've made yet another friend at work who I've been mentoring and we have said we'll arrange to meet up for coffee. It turns out she knows the guy I've been seeing and told me how lovely he is so that made me feel a lot better about the situation I'm in.

At the moment our schedules have been clashing and other things have come up in our personal lives so we haven't seen as much of each other as we would like. However it's nice to take things slow and get to know each other. I'm willing to wait until things quieten down and we can see where it will lead.

I'm off today and have so far had a productive morning. I've been shopping, hoovered and cleaned out my car again, put a couple of washloads on, cleaned the kitchen and I'm going to make a start on clearing my bedroom.

The boy's dad has asked to have him overnight. They recently got their own place and haven't yet had him stay over so that should be nice for him. I've organised and arranged everything so it should all run smoothly there and I'm not having to worry about anything.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit my auntie in hospital and wash her hair for her and make her feel better. If there is anything I can do to support them I'm willing to do it and will go out of my way. She's now palliative and every minute counts so I'm making the most of it. The only thing I want for her is to be comfortable and happy. I don't think we've much time left.

I really need to watch what I'm spending now as I've a few expensive weeks coming up. It's less then two weeks until I go to Dublin, I need to book airport car parking so will ask my friend to do that later. I also need to get some euros and plan a basic itenary of what we are doing and check in/print boarding passes.

After I've been there it's the first of my sister's hen dos which is in London. I need to order a railcard for that to get cheaper train prices. I'll talk it through with my mum later and see what she thinks. I'm going to set a budget and try not to go over it as the following weekend is when we go glamping in Wales so I need to spread the costs out a bit. I still need to collect payments from everyone for the accommodation so will try to do that as soon as possible. I just need to talk to the other bridesmaid about the plans.

I was meant to go for a meal tonight with some work friends but it's been cancelled. In a way I'm a bit relieved and can save some money there.

It's my birthday on Sunday and I'm unsure of what I have planned just yet. It may just be a quiet affair but I'll see how I feel because I'm working an early shift on the day. I've decided I'm going to have a mini party at work which should be fun haha!

So that's pretty much it for now, what a long post this has ended up!