New Year, New Plans and Hopes

[Deleted User]

I am going to finish decorating my flat. I've been here since summer 2015 and I've got the 2 bedrooms and halls left to do.

I am going to pay off two credit cards with 0% balance transfer deals that end in 2018.

I am going to get my !!!! in gear and apply to become a chartered engineer.

suki1964

lessonlearned wrote: »

Hi Suki......that was a very brave post.....:T:T. Just want you to know that I’m roooting for you.

Well I’ve started my “get out more and make new friends” already.


Wait till you hear this......:rotfl: it’s a bit long but hopefully it will make you smile.

Yesterday I went into town to meet a lady I had met through the Jolly Dollies, a widows support group I recently joined. I don’t know her very well but she rang me and invited me out for a coffee. If truth be told I didn’t really feel like it but I thought “dammit this is what I said I’d do, so I will just have to put my money where my mouth is and do it”. So I decided to go into town on the bus (free bus ride and no hassle with parking).

Well at the bus stop I got chatting to a lady who lives round the corner but who I have never met before. In town I saw her in a shop where I bought a pair of trousers in the sale and we chatted again.

. At the checkout they gave me a 20 percent off voucher to be used in January. I knew I won’t be able to use it because I’m away on holiday so I found that lady and gave it to her. She was dead chuffed. We chatted some more and we discovered we share a mutual love of horse racing. She asked for my number and said she would ring me and we could get together and go to the races......

So two nice new friends in one day (ok acquaintances but hopefully with the potential to become friends).

A good start to 2018 and my goals.

That's fantastic

It's so easy to pass aquitences off as that, yet it takes just a fleeting second to turn them into friendships, if you just take that leap of faith

That's really making me smile so thank you for sharing xx

Mrs_Salad_Dodger

karcher wrote: »

Just some contentment would suit me fine. Happiness is something I doubt I'll find but to be less unhappy would be good . After years of trying very hard, I am not too hopeful

Other than that I am going to make a concerted effort to be healthier, cook more and eat 'proper' food.

I should try to be more social and make some friends but I find social interactions/situations very difficult these days, who wants to be around someone who, despite trying, struggles with life.

I probably shouldn't have posted the above and will regret it, but it's the truth

Karcher,

So sorry that life has not been kind and there is absolutely NO reason to regret your post. I am sending you lots of (((hugs))), positive vibes and a very large dollop of contentment.

Wishing you a contented leading to Happy 2018:j

lessonlearned

Karcher.........don’t feel bad about posting. Speak what’s in your heart and you will feel better. Don’t bottle it all up.

I had a decade of hell. My husband got sick, we racked up £30k of debt because I had to give up my job to become his carer. It Wrecked my health and he had to go into a nursing home. He died in August 2014. 7 months later, my mum died, then 18 months later my dad died. I had wills and estates to sort out, houses to clear, possessions to part with. Then my sister turned on me.......

Through it all the lovely people on these boards helped and supported me with kindness, words of wisdom and comfort, jokes and laughter to keep me going.

I kept one mantra in my head........”nothing lasts forever, this too will pass”. Yes it’s a cliche but it’s true, even the bad stuff ends eventually and there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t always see it.

Just hold on and ride it out. Come on here for help and support. Let your virtual sisters hold your hand and lend you strength. One day you will wake up and feel a bit better. Then bit by bit and step by step you will feel eventually feel whole again and you will be able to say “from now on I chose happiness, calm, peace and serenity, today I start my new life”.

It finally happened to me a couple of months ago, a friend even commented on it today. She had not known the “old me” because she has only known me for 2 years. She had only ever seen the sad and unhappy widow, trying to deal with her parents deaths. She told me she has noticed the change in me over the last few weeks. In her words - apparently I “glow”.

It will happen. You will get better. It just takes time, patience and yes a bit of work.

In the meantime wishing you calm and peace and the strength to face the new year with hope, courage and fortitude. Aim for contentment and serenity, happiness will follow in its own good time.

VfM4meplse

lessonlearned wrote: »

Karcher.........don’t feel bad about posting. Speak what’s in your heart and you will feel better. Don’t bottle it all up.

I had a decade of hell. My husband got sick, we racked up £30k of debt because I had to give up my job to become his carer. It Wrecked my health and he had to go into a nursing home. He died in August 2014. 7 months later, my mum died, then 18 months later my dad died. I had wills and estates to sort out, houses to clear, possessions to part with. Then my sister turned on me.......

Through it all the lovely people on these boards helped and supported me with kindness, words of wisdom and comfort, jokes and laughter to keep me going.

I kept one mantra in my head........”nothing lasts forever, this too will pass”. Yes it’s a cliche but it’s true, even the bad stuff ends eventually and there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t always see it.

Just hold on and ride it out. Come on here for help and support. Let your virtual sisters hold your hand and lend you strength. One day you will wake up and feel a bit better. Then bit by bit and step by step you will feel eventually feel whole again and you will be able to say “from now on I chose happiness, calm, peace and serenity, today I start my new life”.

It finally happened to me a couple of months ago, a friend even commented on it today. She had not known the “old me” because she has only known me for 2 years. She had only ever seen the sad and unhappy widow, trying to deal with her parents deaths. She told me she has noticed the change in me over the last few weeks. In her words - apparently I “glow”.

It will happen. You will get better. It just takes time, patience and yes a bit of work.

In the meantime wishing you calm and peace and the strength to face the new year with hope, courage and fortitude.

Adopting the mindset that nothing will beat you worked for me. As did not giving in to negative thoughts.

maddiemay

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Adopting the mindset that nothing will beat you worked for me. As did not giving in to negative thoughts.

Quite agree, works for me too. I am not pretending that is always easy, I often have to give myself a pep talk to silence that dammed voice that would try to convince me that I am not worthy etc, it has taken years of work and is ongoing........

In terms of social/pressure work situations the thing that changed my life for the good was the book and audio of "Feel the fear and do it anyway" by the late Susan Jeffers. I read, reread...... and listened to it every day for months, I still could not jump from an aeroplane or look down from a tall building:rotfl:, but can take a deep breath, pull my shoulders back and stick my frontage out and walk into a room where I do not know a soul without any problem:D

lessonlearned

My other mantra........borrowed from Winston Churchill

“never give up”. If it’s good enough for him, it’s good enough for me. Same with his habit of afternoon naps......:rotfl:

Anyway.....

Happy New Year Everyone.

I’m going to have FUN.;).

It’s started already - out at my friends till 3 am. Had a lovely time. Good food, nice wine, great company.

I have a busy week, loads to do to get ready for my holiday......

[Deleted User]

lessonlearned I love the name for your ladies, Jolly Dollies I think its brilliant.

Being a widow myself its the hardest thing to do is to suddenly become a single person and not have that other person there to encourage you and even just laugh at something that you have noticed when out.

I have been widowed for 14 years, and when it happened I felt as though someone had chopped off a part of me.But no one will knock on your door after the initial condolences have passed, you have to make the effort and get out into the world.

People react in a strange way sometimes and I found often folk whom we had both known when he was alive seemed to back off as though death was something they too could catch.

But the friends I knew were good ones stayed, and I made new ones who never knew me as a wife, but only as a widow, and luckily I have a great bunch of folk now whom I call my friends .

I joined anything and everything and tried new things to see what I enjoyed the most.

Getting involved in charity work and volunteering helped me no end, but if you live out in the sticks it would probably be more difficult for some. I get so much more out of it I feel at times, than I put in.

I joined U3A, great organisation plus ,I run a quiz team, and have all of my hobbies, and in fact its only Saturday that is a day when I am actually not doing something outside of the house .

My life is very busy and at times it gets a bit too hectic ,but although I still miss my late OH still I have a different sort of life now, not better ,just different .

I am a social sort of person which helps I suppose, plus I have my family which takes up quite a bit of time.For the past 10 years I have helped to raise my seven grandchildren for my DD's at various times. They keep me on my toes and the boys especially are really good fun (all in their teens now )

I am a great believer that you only get out of life what you put in to it, and getting involved with folk in a far worse position than youself can take your mind off your own troubles.

I have been involved over the years in raising cash for charities, and helping out the homeless, and at a food bank.

Volunteering, not for anything else than it gets you motivated into thinking for others, and when you see how other folk struggle it puts you own problems into perspective.

Great that you have made new friends as the old saying goes 'Friends are people you haven't yet met'

I have made and met a few on here over the years and everyone I have met its been a pleasure to meet.

Even the virtual ones are great fun, there is so much kindess in the world, although you would never think so if you believed all you read in the papers

So this year to those of you who are re-evaluating what they want to do in 2018 find what you enjoy doing ,or have a go at something totally different you may surprise yourself at what you can do

Happy New Year to you all

JackieO xxx

suki1964

Glad you had fun last night, our wee family did as well. Just a little buffet and champagne at midnight and playing old maid and card tricks , even mum joined in for a while

Karcher, don't feel bad about posting. The support you will receive from these ladies is fantastic. I've "known " some of these ladies years, and believe me I spill my guts more to them then anyone in real life. There is absolutely no judgement here in old style, just support and encouragement all the way. They follow along through the ups and downs, the good and the bad, sometimes just being an ear, other times offering great advice or even letting you see things from a different perspective. Please stay with us and just post as it is for you. I'm also sure you too have so much to offer us as well

Anyways I have a house full and it looks like a bomb has hit. Today is my last day of drinking. Its traditional to meet in the pub at tea time ish and have a few on NYD So that's my plan, last pub visit for a while at least till I feel confident I can order a soft drink and not cave in at the first hurdle. I don't believe in setting myself up to fail so that's why today is business as usual and start quietly tomorrow with no big fan fare or fuss


Wishing everyone a Peaceful and Healthy 2018 xxxxxx

Mrs_Salad_Dodger

JackieO wrote: »

lessonlearned

Even the virtual ones are great fun, there is so much kindess in the world, although you would never think so if you believed all you read in the papers

So this year to those of you who are re-evaluating what they want to do in 2018 find what you enjoy doing ,or have a go at something totally different you may surprise yourself at what you can do

Happy New Year to you all

JackieO xxx

Stopped reading newspapers years ago & stopped watching the news on tv except for once in a blue moon. DH lets me know if anything important is happening in the world. I was getting depressed with the constant bad news. Where do “they” put the good news and all the “little kindnesses” that make life enjoyable. Oh, I know - on MSE OS Forums:):)

JackieO, Thanks for the encouragement about re-evaluating.

Happy New Year

Mrs SD:)