Help for Family Member with Depression

ska_lover

Primrose wrote: »

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Above all, you and your wife must avoid being dragged in beyond the point where you can cope. We have been down this road with a family relative of our own. It didn't have a good end. Agree your boundaries and make sure you stick to them for the sake of your own mental health.


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From my own experiences, I would say this is the best advice on here.

I wish someone had said to me about five years ago this exact thing

elsien

For both you and your relative:


https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental-health-and-stigma/help-and-support

If you are unsure whether your relative will open up to the GP you can leave your concerns with the GP, in writing. They can't tell you what is being said without your relative's permission but at least you know they will be aware of what is going on. What reason were you given for the crisis team not being involved? They are very stretched, so it might be they consider your relative not to be ill enough. If you think that is wrong, then your relative should go back to his GP. He can request an emergency appointment if things start to get really bad, or call 111. If he's really unwell/suidcidal then 999 or A&E are going to be the option of last resort.
But as others have said, make sure you look after yourselves as well.

Hard_Up_Hester

I hope you find the help and support you need.
Is there re a self referral place your relative can access, I know from experience that help is sporadic at best and that relative's are guilt tripped into doing everything to the point of exhaustion.

Mistral001

I would not worry about having to spend £43 on medicine for a relative. I also would not worry about having to spend time with a relative which disturbed my plans for Christmas. What is Christmas all about if it is not about going out of your way to help people when they need help.

ska_lover

Mistral001 wrote: »

I would not worry about having to spend £43 on medicine for a relative. I also would not worry about having to spend time with a relative which disturbed my plans for Christmas. What is Christmas all about if it is not about going out of your way to help people when they need help.

Sorry but that is 'ideal world' thinking - its the equivalent of giving a homeless person a bed for one single night, and thinking it has helped long term. It has cured one tiny problem in an ocean of problems.

£43 wont cure it - its the tip of the iceberg. Disturbing Christmas plans, wont cure it. Depression can be a lifelong condition, where you can literally destroy your own mental health and finances to help someone who (through depression) is so self absorbed that they do not have an idea what the stress is doing to you and can often be abusive and even blame you for their situation. And unless you are happy to give out financial / practical /emotional help FOREVER then you are only going to let them down, as this is such an ongoing situation

Things have a terrible way of escalating beyond belief when emotions are involved... what if that relative doesn't work, and refuses to claim benefits, and starts to rely on you for things like rent money + food - or they will become homeless? Month after month you get further and further into debt, and no one can help, you can't force another adult to get help from benefits agencies or doctors= they have to do it themselves - and every other family member has backed away because they have their own problems and canot deal with the abuse and neediness

Don't ever underestimate the effect, that trying to prop up someone else, can have and how things can escalate

it sounds really awful I know, but there is no easy or quick fix for this - and you can get dragged down to the bottom with someone if you try to fix their problems, fact is , you can't fix them. It isn't a broken leg, where there is a standard recovery and you can try forever and the effort you put in, never be enough, as the depression can be long term, or go away and recur later on its heartbreaking to watch and be part of, but people need to be aware of how extremely stressful this all is, and throwing a few tenners at it aint gona make much difference when a person needs professional help - and even if they are willing to try to get this help, it isnt there

UKTigerlily

Sadly there isn't any help, other than helplines & even one here has stopped in my area. A GP can prescribe medication (sometimes) & I *think* there is 6 weeks of counselling available? but that's about it.

I've been with the CMHT for 12 years & have just been accepted onto a waiting list for Therapy - an 18 month to 2yr waiting list - so long as i'm then well enough to do it . . . of course without it i'll likely get worse so then can't be treated!

NHS is terrible for mental health . . . please don't do too much out of a sense of guilt, set boundaries & encourage them to do as post 2 says, it's good advice

Really sorry the help isn't there