Restricting rights of son's father - how?

AndyPix

Cheeseface wrote: »

For the past 15 years, I have had a different surname to my eldest child and have taken them abroad at least 10 times. Is there a problem that I have avoided somehow? I’ve never been questioned at the airport about it.

I was going to ask about this too ..


OP , what is it at the moment that is preventing you from taking "short breaks abroad" ?


I dont like the feel of this thread, although i accept that there may well be more to it

maman

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I think you'd be far better doing nothing, loving your son and explaining to him that you'll be there to support him (as you've always been) should his father eventually show up.

Anything else seems pointless, a tad vindictive for no real gain and will ultimately lead to your son seeing you as the nasty parent as he gets older.

I agree.


OP is definitely coming across as vindictive particularly digging up an offence from before the child was even born.


I'd leave well alone. If the boy asks about his father then tell him something vague but positive. Children generally understand that people fall out, move away, don't keep in touch etc. Keep your personal bitterness out of it. One day he might want to meet up with his dad. Far better this happens from a positive background then poison put in his head. You don't want to load all your baggage on him.

esmy

OP is there already a Court Order in force regarding your son which prevents you taking him out of the country without his father's consent? Or him being known by another name?

I would strongly advise you to speak to a Family Law solicitor about your concerns and queries - don't assume that anyone here is knowledgeable in this area of the law.

triple_choc_chip

Cheeseface wrote: »

For the past 15 years, I have had a different surname to my eldest child and have taken them abroad at least 10 times. Is there a problem that I have avoided somehow? I’ve never been questioned at the airport about it.

I was questioned everytime but my child is mixed race and I'm not and immigration officers admit they can't see the likeness.
An US immigration officer advised me to always keep a copy of his birth certificate with his passport especially for cases of medical emergency when I would need to prove I was his parent before I could consent to treatment for him.
All was well until I re-married, I then needed a copy of my marriage certificate too. Problem resolved now he's past 18 yrs :cool:

Newly_retired

Speaking from experience in the past, I think your son may well make up his own mind. Unless there is more to this than meets the eye, my guess is that the lack of contact speaks for itself, and is best left that way. It still leaves the way open for your son to decide to try to make contact with his father when he is older, or, not, if he prefers.
Any other action now could well stir up more trouble than it is worth.

Mela322

You don't need a piece of paper for your son to call your new husband dad. It should always be his choice though.

I was a single parent, child's dad was never involved, never even met his child. When my child was 9, I met somebody and we got married. We thought about adoption but the cost and the process for basically a piece of paper wasn't really worth it. So when my child turned 14, we changed the last name to match all of ours. Even then, we didn't need that for our child to see they were loved.

What I'm saying is just take it day by day, don't force things on your child. It doesn't sound like he has the best dad but has some involvement in his child's life. Have you had a good talk with his dad about why he has been absent and why he doesn't pay towards his son's care? You don't need an order to pay. In the end, you really don't need a piece of paper to be part of a family, you build your current family with love and acceptance, and so on.

maman

I'm surprised you could just change a child's name without going through a formal process. AFAIK school registers must match birth certificates unless there is other documentation.

triple_choc_chip

maman wrote: »

I'm surprised you could just change a child's name without going through a formal process. AFAIK school registers must match birth certificates unless there is other documentation.

I'm surprised to learn that! My son's got a double barrel surname but I've never used it and I didn't tell his school. It's annoying that it's on his passport purely because I reluctantly agreed to it on the birth certificate (it's his father's mother's maiden name) and recently more annoying that it's now on his driving licence which had to be the same as the passport (and so it goes on....).

Cheeseface

maman wrote: »

I'm surprised you could just change a child's name without going through a formal process. AFAIK school registers must match birth certificates unless there is other documentation.

No they don’t. The school information management systems have a section for ‘legal’ surname and ‘known’ surname.

LilElvis

Cheeseface wrote: »

For the past 15 years, I have had a different surname to my eldest child and have taken them abroad at least 10 times. Is there a problem that I have avoided somehow? I’ve never been questioned at the airport about it.

Depends where you're travelling to, and especially if you are accompanying your child as a lone parent. Look at the rules for travelling to South Africa as one example of the hoops you need to jump through.