Marriage Issues/Advice

ska_lover

TheGame21 wrote: »

I am of the opinion that non important tasks can wait until the weekend and not in the evenings when you've had a long day at work.

I agree with this and feel your wife may suffer from anxiety if she cannot let things lie.


I am out of the house for 12 hours a day and my husband a lot longer, and after eating and clearing away, I would rather spend our last hour or so together rather than doing chores - I mean seriously a person needs some downtime - this demanding routine is bad for your mental health as you aren't getting any downtime and you are being daily reminded that it doesn't matter if you are unhappy, her needs must be met.

LavenderBee

thriftylass wrote: »

:rotfl: Sounds like me and hubby.

Hope I'm still saying this in 20 years time!

caprikid1

"Plus women and men see the house different. On any given night after work, let them both look around a house and make a list of things they see needing done. "


What complete and utter sexist crap.


As a single Dad with two boys to look after I see every chore that needs doing !! There are no Pink and Blue Jobs. Have we stepped back into the Victorian era ?

thriftylass

caprikid1 wrote: »

"Plus women and men see the house different. On any given night after work, let them both look around a house and make a list of things they see needing done. "


What complete and utter sexist crap.


As a single Dad with two boys to look after I see every chore that needs doing !! There are no Pink and Blue Jobs. Have we stepped back into the Victorian era ?

Sorry, I should know by now that every posts now needs a disclaimer (may not apply to everyone, obviously).

Of course it doesn't apply to you. But also because of circumstances, you just can't not see those jobs as your the sole person to keep on top of things. And yes some marriages/partnerships are more balanced too. I'm not saying there are pink and blue jobs, just that my husband sees things differently from me/has different standards, wouldn't volunteer to dust because e he doesn't see it etc etc.

I stated it might be a stereotype but in my experience this is the case, i.e. speaking amongst female colleagues etc. Of course there are exeptions. But there also enough statistics that despite working full-time for instance women still do more because they are a bit different/brought up different or whatever the reason

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2012/mar/10/housework-gender-equality-women

LavenderBee

I know of a same sex couple who have "pink" and "purple" jobs - and a few couples where the females in the relationship have never lifted a finger in the house and the males in the relationship do everything. However I was brought up in a very traditional household and there are repercussions of that in my own marriage.

I think that in some instances, and perhaps this is OP's situation, women can have the more "traditional" ideas due to our upbringing; but we're also in an era of equality and it doesn't matter what's between your legs anymore, we're all capable of pushing a broom round or managing the utility bills. I think it can make things easier for things to get out of hand without adequate communication.

166million

Timpu wrote: »

We each do what we're capable of and leave it at that. If stuff doesn't get done it can't be important enough to stress over.

Same in my house

Fireflyaway

Its unfair of your wife to project manage you! Being organised and writing a list is fine but forcing you to do things at certain times is unreasonable.
Until recently I worked part time and my husband full time with a long commute. We also have 1 child. We decided that because I'm at home more, I'd do all the household stuff and he would concentrate on his career and bringing in the money. Because we have clearly defined roles we never argue. My husband doesn't have to put up with stressful supermarket trips or being on hold to speak to the gas company! He comes home to a tidy house and dinner. I never have to worry about being in a job I hate because I don't feel pressure to earn money. Sure I did hate my last job but in reality I could have left if it drove me completely crazy! Same with childcare. I was able to work around school hours.
You need to both sit down and agree who does what. Don't just agree with your wife to avoid an argument though. Were her own parents quite domineering? Why is she worried to this extent? Maybe there is a deeper issue. She needs to know how unhappy its making you.
On the plus side life can be tough with a toddler. Things will probably ease up a bit when your child gets older.