Advice needed

henry24

Along the road from us is a single female who we have know for 10 years who I have done little jobs for and who comes for a meal maybe once a month with no problems, two years ago she had a baby who we have both looked after and enjoyed time with. My wife has now decided that I'm getting to involved with the child and mother and that I will not visit again, this is something I cant agree with so is causing a lot of arguments between us.
Who's right what do other females think?

Comms69

The question is - are you getting too attached?


Presumably the child isn't yours?

Mojisola

henry24 wrote: »

My wife has now decided that I'm getting to involved with the child and mother

Why does she think this?

Are you spending more time with the friend?

Do you hurry off to do DIY for her when there are things being left undone at home?

onomatopoeia99

I think that neither party in what is supposed to be a loving relationship should ever dictate what the other does. That's controlling behaviour and you should consider creating an emergency fund in a separate account, in case you need to escape a relationship which looks like it could turn abusive.

If you were a woman, the suggestion here would be to get on to women's aid immediately, but you'll probably get suspicion that you're lining up the woman down the road as a potential mistress instead.

seven-day-weekend

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I think that neither party in what is supposed to be a loving relationship should ever dictate what the other does. That's controlling behaviour and you should consider creating an emergency fund in a separate account, in case you need to escape a relationship which looks like it could turn abusive.

If you were a woman, the suggestion here would be to get on to women's aid immediately, but you'll probably get suspicion that you're lining up the woman down the road as a potential mistress instead.

I don't think someone who is in a loving relationship should do something that makes the other one unhappy.

You need to find out why your wife thinks the way she does and sort the situation out. Is your wife feeling neglected and unloved, or unappreciated? Is she going through the menopause and feeling old and useless? Or are you in fact paying too much attention to the woman down the road?

Sort these things out and come to an agreement. This may mean that you support the woman together, and don't see her separately.

JayJay100

Oh, this is a tricky one, and there's something that is making your wife feel very insecure in this situation. Really, as she's your wife, and presumably you want to keep it that way, you should put her feelings first. Is it a situation that has escalated to the point where she's finally said 'no more', or has she just hit you with that, out of the blue. Why can't you agree to it? Why is the other woman and child more important to you, than your wife's feelings?

gettingtheresometime

Why won't you back off? Both of you can still be friendly with the friend without being so hands on.


If this woman means more to you than your wife's feelings then that answers your question - & fully justifies your wife's request.

starting_again_in_the_sun

When you say you 'both' look after the child, do you mean you and your wife, or you and the other woman?

Your wife obviously has concerns, we can't really say if they're fair or not... How much time do you spend with the other woman?

henry24

Comms69 wrote: »

The question is - are you getting too attached?


Presumably the child isn't yours?

No not mine

henry24

Mojisola wrote: »

Why does she think this?

Are you spending more time with the friend?

Do you hurry off to do DIY for her when there are things being left undone at home?

No more time than over last 10 years. Don't do that much for her only the odd time never when needed at home.

henry24

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I think that neither party in what is supposed to be a loving relationship should ever dictate what the other does. That's controlling behaviour and you should consider creating an emergency fund in a separate account, in case you need to escape a relationship which looks like it could turn abusive.

If you were a woman, the suggestion here would be to get on to women's aid immediately, but you'll probably get suspicion that you're lining up the woman down the road as a potential mistress instead.

Controlling behaviour is what I'm getting worried about. She's 25 years younger than me so unlikely a mistress just a friend