A Simpler Life 2018

suki1964

CE, not sure if I mentioned before, my mum is the same

There's 3 of us, she, if she does buy, buys for 2

Usually I can eke it out, makes for some interesting combinations at times :rotfl:

Couple of weeks ago she asks if there was anything she could do whilst I was working, so I said peel the spuds

Came home and the smallest pot of spuds ever were sat there, enough for hubby, no one else, and I thought sod it, I'm not peeling, so that's all I cooked

The pair of them ended up getting a slice of bread and both got themselves dessert later in the evening :rotfl:

Cottage_Economy

suki1964 wrote: »

Couple of weeks ago she asks if there was anything she could do whilst I was working, so I said peel the spuds

Came home and the smallest pot of spuds ever were sat there, enough for hubby, no one else, and I thought sod it, I'm not peeling, so that's all I cooked

The pair of them ended up getting a slice of bread and both got themselves dessert later in the evening :rotfl:

:rotfl:

This is what I need to do.

I need to emotionally detach from things more and stop stepping forward to fix problems others have created. In the long run I am doing them no favours and wearing myself out.

Mr Kitty was a good boy and went into the basket last night no problem at all. He passed his first medical with flying colours but he has to have the collar on until his first post-op x-ray in three weeks time. Three weeks! :eek:

blackcatsx2

Cottage Economy - I hope it’s ok to share something I learned a couple of years back about relationships. It’s called the drama triangle and sets out roles that some people play with their friends and family.
The first role is victim. This role is the woe is me, I’m so hard done by, unlucky etc.
This prompts others to take on the “rescuer” role which tries to make the victim feel better, solve their perceived problems for them.
The third role is persecutor - sometimes the victim becomes persecutor - i.e. it’s the rescuers fault that something has gone wrong

An example given was of someone’s mum who rang her daughter to say it was Sunday night and her boiler was broken (victim)

Daughter offered to come over to help (rescuer)

Mother agreed to daughter driving an hour to get to her. When daughter arrived plumber had already been called by mother. However mother wasn’t grateful to daughter she was angry. If you were a good daughter you’d have made sure my boiler was serviced and it wouldn’t have broken in the first place (persecutor)

So now daughter could be victim

Basically it is easy to move round the triangle taking on different roles none of which are healthy roles.
We were told to recognise the roles being played out and to step out of the triangle to really sensibly deal with our relationships. We often have a role preference - I think many of us on here are rescuers - trying to help and support and problem solve. This is fine but if victims and persecutors drain us then that role becomes stressful and sometimes thankless.

It’s a useful technique and I do recognise the roles being played now. I then say to myself “step out of the triangle!”

If you google it you will see it explained much better.

It does help with a simpler life because it helps with relationship management.

Again, hope you don’t mind me sharing this.

Cottage_Economy

blackcatsx2 wrote: »

Cottage Economy - I hope it’s ok to share something I learned a couple of years back about relationships. It’s called the drama triangle and sets out roles that some people play with their friends and family.
The first role is victim. This role is the woe is me, I’m so hard done by, unlucky etc.
This prompts others to take on the “rescuer” role which tries to make the victim feel better, solve their perceived problems for them.
The third role is persecutor - sometimes the victim becomes persecutor - i.e. it’s the rescuers fault that something has gone wrong

An example given was of someone’s mum who rang her daughter to say it was Sunday night and her boiler was broken (victim)

Daughter offered to come over to help (rescuer)

Mother agreed to daughter driving an hour to get to her. When daughter arrived plumber had already been called by mother. However mother wasn’t grateful to daughter she was angry. If you were a good daughter you’d have made sure my boiler was serviced and it wouldn’t have broken in the first place (persecutor)

So now daughter could be victim

Basically it is easy to move round the triangle taking on different roles none of which are healthy roles.
We were told to recognise the roles being played out and to step out of the triangle to really sensibly deal with our relationships. We often have a role preference - I think many of us on here are rescuers - trying to help and support and problem solve. This is fine but if victims and persecutors drain us then that role becomes stressful and sometimes thankless.

It’s a useful technique and I do recognise the roles being played now. I then say to myself “step out of the triangle!”

If you google it you will see it explained much better.

It does help with a simpler life because it helps with relationship management.

Again, hope you don’t mind me sharing this.

Nope, not all all. Very interesting stuff.

My professional training and current role involves risk analysis, trouble-shooting and problem-solving so I am my own worst enemy. I enjoy solving problems but that means I often inadvertently end up rescuing someone.

Cottage_Economy

Finally managed to sort out my bed linens.

I have just packaged up for the charity shop:

15 sheets (doubles and singles)
34 pillowcases
3 duvet covers
2 bed skirts
Huge pile of old tablecloths and napkins

I now have an empty drawer and the airing cupboard is clear. :j

Both my mother and I have a tendency to pounce on new bedlinens at car boot sales. I seemed to have forgotten to get rid of the older stuff as I've brought in new stuff.

villagelife

Don't often post here but do read but thought must thank cottage economy for posting about the drama triangle.

tighteningthebelt

Blackcatsx2
So relevant.
My life got very much simpler when I learned the drama triangle. I have wasted alot of energy there over the years. Psychological clutter.
Though I stand outside it now, when I see it playing out (remarkably common) I find the sheer power of the victim to instantly lock the other people into their roles really disturbing.

VJsmum

Thanks Blackcatsx2 really interesting..

Cottage_Economy

villagelife wrote: »

Don't often post here but do read but thought must thank cottage economy for posting about the drama triangle.

While I would love to take credit for it, it was blackcats!

PollyWollyDoodle

Thank you, blackcats, reminded me of this book which is really helpful in recognising those sorts of triangles - Games People Play by Edward Berne. It's quite an entertaining read, as I recall, although you do find yourself looking at people and situations around you and thinking, 'ah, I know that game'!