Guest Comment: Why we need to talk about debt and money in our relationships

FBaby

I can understand having a little bit of change in your pocket to spend 'freely', but I do think that everything else should be jointly accessed.

I think that can actually make the problem worse because it can give you that sense that if your OH is aware of what is spent, the responsibility for going over is always theirs.

OH and I have totally separate accounts and like it this way. We've worked out how much each needs to pay so that our disposable income is grossly similar. We both agree that we would hate having a joint account because we both want to know exactly how much we have left to spent/save at any time. I can't imagine making the decision to reduce my spending that month because I want to be able to put money aside to find out that my partner decided to spend it this month and there is therefore nothing left to transfer in the saving account.

Having full control of my account means that I have full responsibility of it. What matters though is that we are both very disciplined about money. We've both learned that you feel much much better when you don't have to worry about money, then with stuff that you don't really need if it means going to bed with anxiety because you don't know how you'll pay for the credit card the following day.

Indout96

Listening to the radio on the way in to work there are a set of new adverts about for a card pay service basically saying that if you don't get a card reader your business will go bust as they interview 4/5 people on the advert who would never use cash - card only.
Then we wonder why the country is in so much debt.


Until we as a society stop spending what we don't have the situation will only get worse.

Former_MSE_Andrea

Hi everyone

I'm bumping this up for newbies to our Debt Free Wannabe board.

Andrea

fatrab

Absolutely agree on so many of the points raised here, keeping up with the Jonses and the way we are conditioned to spend/borrow especially.

I struggle to get my wife to talk about money. She wasn't great with money when she was younger but we worked through her (minor) problems and she's never gone back down the same road, but now that I am focussing on my own concerns I don't find her at all supportive.

We keep our finances completely separate and that seems to work for us, but I understand why some folk would think a joint account works for transparency. It's just not for us.

I'm trying to get through to my oldest son that loans, credit cards and hire purchase are completely avoidable with sensible financial planning but I was hardly a role model in his formative years.

LyndseyFHTFH

I think communication is key and the comments about finances being taboo are completely accurate.


Me and my partner don't have a joint account that all of our money is pooled into and I very much doubt we ever will.


We have one account (admittedly, in my name) into which we both put an equal figure that covers all of our joint, business as usual costs- mortgage, ctax, house bills, insurances and pet insurance.


I'm open with my partner about money and he is generally open with me about his.


I take the view that as long as we both fairly contribute (at the minute, we've agreed equal shared regardless of out salaries, but that's up for discussion should one of us lose hours or I go on maternity etc) to our joint costs, we're adults and we should have power over our own disposable income. I earn more and I often spend money on things that benefit us jointly, we discussed it and I made it clear that these are things I want, that they benefit him is collateral that I'm okay with and don't expect him to contribute or feel guilty about not contributing. Having that honest conversation is the key though.


The majority of the men he works with give their partners their salary and then receive "pocket money". I think that's really dangerous, to not know where your money goes every month.