Weekly Flylady Thread - 27th November 2017

Valli

Honey_Bear wrote: »

I'm so sorry your DS is playing up ATB. Is he worried about something? If his behaviour has always been okay and this behaviour has suddenly started maybe he's expressing his unhappiness or fear in the only way he can. Is the person who suggested ADHD qualified to make that diagnosis?

Well spotted - that will be no, unless that person is an ed. psych.
All we ever do is describe our concerns to the ed psych who than looks at the child.

ATB sticker chart? With rewards when has, say 10 stickers?

Relief job going well - reconciled dinners again. Also counted Children in need bucket contents - inc 16 cents (euro) and a trolley token. I will give benefit of doubt and assume we were merely pocket emptying;_)

Also completed one order and got another ready. Its a complicated system...I usually have to ring nice people in County Hall who talk me through the system - but, given I have NO on hand guidance I don't think I'm doing bad at all. I also found out that the stuff the SENCo has been waiting for was never ordered in the first place. Has been now though, so that means I should be in her good books!

DW, WM and TD have all been used.

mrs-moneypenny

Thank you for the lists, I'll join in tomorrow as I've been busy all day.
Hope all are as well a can be

Fayolle

Evening all,

It's been a long day. Not exactly taxing just looooooonngg, since getting up for work at 6 am. Anyway, usual rubbish has been fitted in - s&s kitchen after a fashion, ditto ensuite, wm run, dw in progress. The results of last night's internet shopping frenzy are on their way, so various small Christmas presents are about to be ticked off. I'm aiming for small and thoughtful all round this year. We will see.....

Massively sqidgy hugs to you, ATB. You sound so down. I'm no child psychologist for sure - I can't even spell it without a spellchecker - but don't take an unqualified person's opinion as gospel. You know your DS better than anyone. Chin up, lovely. X

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Back in this week.

Himself departed just after I left for work this morning. Got back to find that he'd only left me a bowlful of washing up and the baking dishes, rather than absolutely everything, plus a load of hardboiled eggs in the fridge. And a sweet little note, something he doesn't do.


Slightly confused at present, though. Ordered a belt in my usual [strike]fat git[/strike] size, only to find that there was so much extra belt that needed to be taken up that it's on its shortest possible length. When did that happen? More to the point, how? And where, because I can't see it?


Bed's made, cats fed, clothes moved from bed to basket - just realised it's the grand temperature of 8 degrees in the house, so I'm whacking the heating on at a balmy 16 degrees for an hour and going to bed.

pigpen

ATB.. I have at least studied child psychology.. got a stickyfoot to prove it.. somewhere, in my hovel .. but I have had the most horrific couple of weeks for some reason so nothing guarantees you get it right every day!

.. most ASD's are really hard to diagnose before 4 as the traits are very similar to a 'normal' (whatever that word means) child. If it helps, Dot was an unholy terror at nursery and is now an unholy terror at school.. The nursery staff were after retiring when they found out Pixie was starting nursery in the September after Dot left in the July.. DS1's nursery DID retire.. well 2 of the 4 members of staff did, and one went on secondment elsewhere lol.. Some children, more often boys than girls strangely, do display more challenging behaviour.. I was always 'non-compliant' at nursery too.. I was bored, I wanted to go to school, I did not want to sit and prance about and do stupid paintings.. I wanted to read and write.. I got sent to school a week after my 4th birthday because I was just not enjoying nursery, I wasn't meant to start for another 9 months.

Just a thought.. How many decisions does he make about his own life? We rule our little ones and expect them to comply with our demands, wear what we choose, eat what we feed them etc.. Have you tried letting him make his own decisions.. I know this sounds crazy.. but letting him have a bit of power over his own life, choosing what meals he eats.. mine take it in turns to choose what we have for dinner.. once they realised they could have pasta every single day they soon got bored and asked for mash .. well, everyone except Dot did.. Mine wear uniform for school, but usually dress like clowns on a weekend because I just let them pick their own stuff, so long as they are warm and clean I don't care unless we are going somewhere nice. Would it be too disruptive to try letting him have a bit more control over what he eats and wears and does? I know we all like our routines but a change is as good as a rest so they say. When I go shopping I always ask if there is anything special mine would like.. they usually want crisps.. but one pack every now and then isn't so bad.. and I have them pick what we need. Squeaks favourite shopping trip was when I let her write the list haha.

Pick your battles too.. some things we can let go.. I tend to ask why they don't want to do what I asked and try to explain why, though sometimes 'because I blooming well said so' IS the answer. I rarely give commands.. I ask for them to follow my requests and they usually do... just wording things slightly differently helps.. ooh.. I read an interesting thing recently. Some research was done on small children by a psychologist who I cannot remember the name of, and apparently they really do have difficulty hearing what you are saying.. they do not hear the first word of a sentence.. so if you say 'Don't touch that hot mug' they hear 'touch the mug'.. possibly why they frequently do exactly what you just told them not to do.. the way to do it, according to this person was to say 'That mug is hot, please don't touch it' .. rewording so they had to think to process the information meant they were less likely to be disobedient.. this is possibly why they look so confused when you tell them off for doing precisely what you just told them to not do.

Just a little food for thought.. I hope something is a little help, if not then I hope you find a magic wand and please may I borrow it when you are done because mine are monsters too!

((hugs and a gallon of wine/spirit/coffee/red bull/whatever your poison)) .. I hope tomorrow is better xx

atypicalblonde

Pigpen - from the bottom of my heart, a million trillion thanks. Your post has given me an awful lot to think about and some ideas that I may well put into practice. He has very little control over his own life, I am very guilty of being a 'do as you're told' kind of mum, which is fine with DD but not DS.

I think you're right, a lot of it is boredom. He is 4 in March, so one of the oldest in his pre-school, which is mainly full of two and three year olds. I am going to speak to his key worker this morning and take it from there. DH and I had a really long talk last night and identified the parenting strategies we need to change, e.g. Don't make threats you can't / won't carry out (very guilty of that), stop being a shouty mummy as it achieves nothing other than upsetting all etc etc.

Thank you again my lovely xx

Right, flying! About to go and set the DW going, and fold a load of towels. After school run and meeting the dog needs a long walk and I'll construct dinner.

Will report back later xx

Dizzy_Imp

Wow Piggers - you know your stuff! I've made a mental note to come back and re-read your post and take notes later. You know, once I've extracted Tiny from under his bed, replaced the half-gnawed cucumber he is chewing in the salad tray (for him to steal again later...!) redressed him, again, wiped the snot from his cheek and packed him off to preschool....

Big hugs ATB. I hope your chat with the key worker is productive and positive. Let us know x

Still dying from the lurgy and on high flood alert, so all fabulous here :eek:

See you all later x

donnajt

funfairprincess wrote: »

Morning flyfriends x
I'm in again as much as I can be.
Thanks to Valli and Natty for the lists.

Got a pretty full week this week
Monday Dancing
Wednesday Dancing, pick up parcel at marksies, pick up ballet shoes too.
Thursday Pom competition team
Saturday Dr Lisa Ellis workshop and private
Sunday Jazz competition team
I'm knackered just thinking about it and I don't have to dance:o At least I'm ahead (or am I behind) my bed was done yesterday. Will do the rest of the list when I get home.
Off for a shower, I might feel nearly human afterwards.
Laters xxx

funfairprincess - i love your week - come to my house and fly and i'll go to yours and dance

donnajt

atypicalblonde wrote: »

Fell out with DH last night we've made friends now but still feel unsettled. I hate arguing. xx

me too! I always think of better answers after the event and end up upset for days afterwards, apparently arguing is healthy but def not for me!!! i avoid avoid avoid, hpoe you are feeling settled today x

donnajt

PIGPEN - what a fab post, as a parent we don't often think about how controlling we are over our babies - DS is 8 years old and your words really struck a cord - i say oh I'm giving him more independence but really i have no intention of letting go, I shall try better - I do let him choose his own clothes - even tho i end up with a room of strewn clean and dirty clothes on a daily basis - see so much better to control them lol!!!

Thank you for these words of wisdom, its often the simplest of solutions to keep us all happy x