Do they owe me for the unwanted gift?

Sarastro

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but would be interested to know people's views.

So, last year, my mother who lives some distance away said she wanted to come and spend a week near us in summer 2018. She can't stay with us because of her dogs so I found a cottage nearby that she can rent for a week. I offered to pay for half of it as a Christmas present and lend her the other half. All good. She doesn't have a lot of money so said could she pay me in instalments for her half. She's been paying for her half since we made the deposit and the balance is due in March 2018.

The deposit was £270.16. She's been paying £36 / month for her half . She's paid 7 months so far (£252).

Anyway, she's now decided she doesn't want to go and wants her money back. I'm sure she owes me for the half of the deposit I've paid as a loan for her. But what should I do about the other half that was a gift?

A - suck it up; it was a gift and she can throw it away if she wants
B - ask to be paid back: if we are losing the deposit because of her choice, I shouldn't be out of pocket i.e. if she doesn't want the 'gift' she should return it.
C - Take the other half of the deposit from the instalments she's paid and ask for the remaining £18 of the deposit (£270 - £252) I.e. don't ask, just take it.

PasturesNew

Does she realise you've booked/paid already?

Maybe she thinks she's pre-paying and so cancelling doesn't affect anybody as you've not actually paid.

You should have that conversation with her as she might not realise and so might change her mind back.

Ames

Have you spoken to the owners of the cottage (or whoever you're renting it from)? They might be able to find someone else to take it that week.

lika_86

I echo what others have said first.

How much did the whole thing cost? Most deposits are a relatively small fraction of the total, alternatively I've seen payment in two instalments where it's 50% up front and then 50% later.

If it is indeed the latter scenario where the deposit is actually 50% of the total then I would say that's the half you offered to pay and you should give anything your mum has paid back to her. You could then try and get back some or all of the deposit or accept that it's just the same as buying a gift for someone, it's then theirs to do as they want.

Is there an alternative of having her to stay? Dogs in kennels?

I'd also be questioning why she's changed her mind, could it be because it's all just a bit too much money for her and after 7 months she's realised this? Might she have had an unexpected bill and had to cancel as a result? If so, that's extra reason not to take anything from her.

Sarastro

PasturesNew wrote: »

Does she realise you've booked/paid already?

Maybe she thinks she's pre-paying and so cancelling doesn't affect anybody as you've not actually paid.

You should have that conversation with her as she might not realise and so might change her mind back.

Yes - she knows the deposit has been paid,

Sarastro

lika_86 wrote: »

I echo what others have said first.

How much did the whole thing cost? Most deposits are a relatively small fraction of the total, alternatively I've seen payment in two instalments where it's 50% up front and then 50% later.

If it is indeed the latter scenario where the deposit is actually 50% of the total then I would say that's the half you offered to pay and you should give anything your mum has paid back to her. You could then try and get back some or all of the deposit or accept that it's just the same as buying a gift for someone, it's then theirs to do as they want.

Is there an alternative of having her to stay? Dogs in kennels?

I'd also be questioning why she's changed her mind, could it be because it's all just a bit too much money for her and after 7 months she's realised this? Might she have had an unexpected bill and had to cancel as a result? If so, that's extra reason not to take anything from her.

The whole thing was £872. The deposit was 30%. I paid the deposit of £267.50 and consider this half gift and half loan I think she has to pay me back for the loan element. So, she's given me £252 towards her half so far. That covers the half of the deposit that I paid for her. My point is that she's cancelling it, so I haven't given the gift yet if you see what I mean, and be cancelling I think she's saying she doesn't want the gift anyway, so should I ask her for this half of the deposit?

I don't think it's fair that I pay all the deposit and forget it. We went into the agreement 50/50, so if she's cancelling, I think we have to at least share the cost 50/50, if not her pay for the whole deposit lost on the grounds that half of it was a loan anyway and if she doesn't want to go in March, then she should return the part of the gift already given.

There's no alternative: I can't have the dogs here as we have cats; she refuses to put them in kennels even for a night. Hence the idea of the cottage in the first place.

lika_86

Sarastro wrote: »

The whole thing was £872. The deposit was 30%. I paid the deposit of £267.50 and consider this half gift and half loan I think she has to pay me back for the loan element. So, she's given me £252 towards her half so far. That covers the half of the deposit that I paid for her. My point is that she's cancelling it, so I haven't given the gift yet if you see what I mean, and be cancelling I think she's saying she doesn't want the gift anyway, so should I ask her for this half of the deposit?

There's no alternative: I can't have the dogs here as we have cats; she refuses to put them in kennels even for a night. Hence the idea of the cottage in the first place.

I disagree. You offered to pay half, so your gift had a value of £436, which should cover the deposit and leave money over (perhaps for a substitute gift - or to put your cats in a cattery for the week?).

Sarastro

lika_86 wrote: »

I'd also be questioning why she's changed her mind, could it be because it's all just a bit too much money for her and after 7 months she's realised this? Might she have had an unexpected bill and had to cancel as a result? If so, that's extra reason not to take anything from her.

She's a grown-up so I think she would have considered this and it's why I suggested £36 a month rather than a lump sum.

Sarastro

lika_86 wrote: »

I disagree. You offered to pay half, so your gift had a value of £436, which should cover the deposit and leave money over (perhaps for a substitute gift - or to put your cats in a cattery for the week?).

No, I offered to pay for half of the rent of the cottage...but she doesn't want that now. I didn't offer to give her £436 to spend on what she wants.

The whole cat / dog thing has been an issue for ages. It's my house and I don't see why I should put the cats in a cattery and cause them stress. She's welcome to stay here without the dogs and I would expect that she asks a friend to look after them or put them in kennels as she would if she were going on holiday. But anyway, the dog / cat thing isn't really the point; I was just trying to explain why she's not staying with us.

Ames

What did the people you leased it from say when you cancelled? What do the T&Cs say?

Sarastro

Ames wrote: »

What did the people you leased it from say when you cancelled? What do the T&Cs say?

I don't think it's relevant: I just want to know if I'm being fair to her.