“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

Toni'sfriend

It does make sense and, to be honest, forcing someone to do something never works. So you keep on posting and we'll keep on listening. Have you ever had stovies? t's a brilliant way of using leftovers and getting children to eat veg?

WannabeFree

I haven't ever tried it no. I hadn't really heard of it before seeing it on here x

Toni'sfriend

There are lots of different recipes (Uncanny Scot's is different to mine) but basically you take any leftover meat (roast, mince, stew etc) and add diced root vegetables (potatoes, carrot, onion, turnip etc) and stock and that's it. Some people put sausages in if they want it to go a bit further. Would be great for your slow cooker.

EssexHebridean

Stovies - oh yum!! Comfort food at its finest! :T Definitely something you need to try WF, I promise you! (and a vote here for sausages going in!)

That's an incredibly brave post about your eating disorder can I say. Today's "challenge you" question from me then - if you DIDN'T control your eating, what's the worst that could happen?

Sorry to hear that you're still feeling rough - I suspect now that if you're taking painkillers and not eating much though that's a contributory factor to that. Have you had anything to eat yet today? If so can you try some more toast for us please, and maybe get some soup out of the freezer for later as well? Does it help if you log what you are eating so you can see that you're not taking in sufficient calories to put on weight? I can see that logging food might turn into another thing to focus on "too much" but I suspect that will be healthier than not eating?

Another thought - can you use the "What would I do if DD was behaving as I am" train of thought to look after yourself with the same love and care you'd give to the smalls? You're totally right - the girls WILL pick up on what you're doing and the risk is that they see that as "normal" which I can see from your posts above is definitely not something you want to risk happening.

Have a gentle (((((hug))))) to be going on with.

WannabeFree

I don't think eating is the problem I mean I love food. However forcing myself to 'keep' the food is a problem A huge one. With other things being broken just not eating was/is the 'take the easy way out' rather than deal with the fact the normal thing is just to eat food and keep it in there

I know nothing bad will happen if I just ate food and kept it. I know that but I still don't think like that at the time I know it reads stupid. I know it is stupid. I still can't stop though I regret it once I've done it but it's too late then. I force myself to eat why I do something so I can try to be distracted enough from the fact I'm eating. It doesn't work though However with him here last night it was made sure food was consumed and kept.

I expect feeling rough is a mixture of everything, along with feeling like I've been hit by a high speed train, dragged along just long enough to mess with enough things it causes hassle but not enough to be too much. Still plodding along though

EssexHebridean

It's rational -v- irrational though isn't it - I bet a lot of us have been there with anxiety related stuff (I certainly have!), it just manifests itself in difference ways for different people. We can't help the way our heads work sometimes - don't beat yourself up about it, the very fact that you recognise the irrational is a great sign I suspect.

You've identified something i there though - that having someone else present helps with you being able to eat and keep - so can you make sure you sit and eat with the smalls, as then you have to present a certain image for them? You say you've not got much appetite, but remember that is a lot to do with you not eating much - that's the body's way of stopping you feeling deprived past a certain point. If you do yourself a portion of whatever the smalls are eating it doesn't have to be a huge plateful - you can just dish yourself up as much as you would for one of them maybe?

Can't remember if I've mentioned it to you before but there is a rather excellent Scottish NHS sit called "moodjuice" that's got some amazing useful resources particularly on the anxiety stuff - I've used it hence mentioning it here, I KNOW it helps from personal experience. might be worth a browse about.

I agree with whoever said about small goals maybe being helpful too - and you've found this works on some of the related stuff before, haven't you.

WannabeFree

I will have a look over there. Thank you x

I think it is a step forward even if only small. I've posted here because I know I've reached the point it's too far for this 'time'. The feeling rough, headache/dizziness is no doubt the food. No matter how much I try to convince myself it isn't.

Now I've posted here I'll have to do something about it

I will try to eat with the smalls. I don't think they have the effect of force though because they have no idea what goes on. It's just normal I don't have dinner with them because they thought I had it with Dad when he was home etc and it's just stayed that way.

I DO sit at the table with them though and talk about their days etc so I don't have a reason why I can't eat then too.

joeyjimbles

I second the moodjuice recommendation. I was introduced to it for a child, but find it helps me a lot too.
And eating little but more frequently might help you not to feel the urge to rid yourself of the food. I have no experience of that so I could be speaking completely out of turn, but I do know it's a great way to wake up a diminished appetite.
Lots of positive thoughts to you from me

natsplatnat

Maybe sitting and chatting with littlies whilst they eat will act as big enough distraction for you to eat as well - maybe funny word game ("I went shopping and I bought an A...." comes to mind, or "all the words everyone can think of starting with 'P'") could engage you all (if you run out of things to chat about)?
You'll find a way through this! x

WannabeFree

Oh Moodjuice looks helpful. Will spend time over there later having a good luck. Thank you x

Maybe I need to grow a pair and just speak to someone about it and be honest rather than only giving away bits and pieces. Lots to think about. I do know I don't want smalls to follow in my footsteps in any sense of me