Divorce and access advice

Jayh

Hi,

Looking for some advice, please. I have been separated from my ex for 5 years, our daughter is 6, we split up when she was one.

We have had a routine in place since our separation, we had been getting along fine over the last year or so and have done in general since we split.

Our divorce is in the process of going through, we are at the last stage but all of a sudden I have now received a letter from his solicitor stating that he wants to change when we each see our daughter at xmas time.

He is proposing that we take turns in having our daughter , e.g. he would have her from the 24th Dec until the 28th Dec and then I would have her for the same dates next year.

I will be devasted if this happens by not seeing my daughter for this length of time over the xmas period and Im not sure why he would suggest this option if it means he would not see her the following year?

Our daughter has stated that she would like to see both parents as normal.

The normal is plan in place currently is that one parent has her xmas eve until about 2pm xmas day and then we swap the following year.

In the letter it states if I do not agree he will take me to court on the matter, is this possible and what is the likely outcome?

I find the situation very stressful and would not know where to start if I needed to go to court, I am really surprised that this has now come up.

Also, on a separate note, he is refusing to pay me any settlement money, we lived together for 5 years and when I moved out I had to find rented accommodation and he did not help with financial assistance at all. He is now stating that when I moved out the house would have been £20,000 in negative equity, I am honestly not sure.

My question on this part is, am I entitled to any money from the house now? as it would be in positive equity of approx £30,000 or does it count from when I moved out?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Comms69

Are you named on the mortgage?


Separately - What are the current arrangements with child contact?


You say you would be , understandably, devastated if you went 4 days without seeing her, but does he do that regularly?

Jayh

Thanks for the reply. No I was not named on the mortgage. House was soley purchased in his name but I contributed half towards all costs and paid towards have parts of the house and garden refubished etc.

Current arrangements at xmas are one parent has daughter from xmas eve until 2pm xmas day and then we swap the following year. The normal week schedule has been the same for last 5 years and he is not looking to change that only xmas time.

No, this is the first time.

FBaby

Is he with someone else and is this a new relationship. Sounds to me like he wants to spend Christmas elsewhere - abroad? and therefore wants a longer period with her or without her.

I think the current arrangement is more likely to be supported by a judge then his proposed one, especially if this is what has worked for both of you until then.

Jayh

Thanks for the reply. We both have new partners, I have been with mine for two years and have recently moved in with him.

pmlindyloo

Can you find out why he has suggested this arrangement to his solicitor? Once you know the reason then you can hopefully come up with a solution between you. If you can't then it will be up to your solicitor to counter these arrangements.

Have you had mediation as part of your divorce proceedings?

I can understand your concern as your daughter is only six years old and as she gets older arrangements will no doubt change.

The trouble with getting solicitors involved is that every time you can't agree the price goes up so it is really in both your interests to get these things sorted,

As regards the house then if your ex isn't willing to give you any of the equity then your solicitor will have to sort this.

Please try to come arrangements between you as this will keep the bill down. It is you who is instructing the solicitors so they have to follow what you say (in the end!)

Jayh

Thanks for the reply.

Im not sure why he is suggesting, it stated the dates in the letter and then said it will be better for our daughters well being to one parent each year, which I do not understand.

We have not had mediation.

I agree, I want to avoid getting solictors involved as I think it will just waste us both money.

pinkshoes

Jayh wrote: »

Current arrangements at xmas are one parent has daughter from xmas eve until 2pm xmas day and then we swap the following year. The normal week schedule has been the same for last 5 years and he is not looking to change that only xmas time.

Jayh wrote: »

He is proposing that we take turns in having our daughter , e.g. he would have her from the 24th Dec until the 28th Dec and then I would have her for the same dates next year.

I see why he is suggesting this.

As she gets older, it would be nice if she could spend the entire of Christmas day in one place, without being taken from one place to another.

Perhaps he'd like to go away for Christmas? How far away do you live from each other?

Why not agree 24th until 26th instead?

The amount of kids I teach that hate Christmas day because they have to eat Christmas lunch with one family then another Christmas dinner with the other family later that day and a car journey in between. They dread it!

Jayh

Thanks for the reply. I cant actually see that myself being the parent, I have never not seen her xmas day and neither has her dad. Daughter has already stated that she wants to see both mum and dad on xmas day per normal and she enjoys seeing both sides of the family so I have no idea this would need to be changed now.

Clive_Woody

Jayh wrote: »

Thanks for the reply.

Im not sure why he is suggesting, it stated the dates in the letter and then said it will be better for our daughters well being to one parent each year, which I do not understand.

We have not had mediation.

I agree, I want to avoid getting solictors involved as I think it will just waste us both money.

Are you still on speaking terms? If so I would suggest giving him a call and talking this through and keep the solicitors out of this for now. If you have an arrangement that works for both of you and your child then changing it seems odd without some sort of explanation.

Jayh

Not really on speaking terms at the moment because of this... we always agreed on dates fairly easily on most occasions and daughter would be allowed to family partys etc.