Mediation- anyone been through this?

Moogles44

I was just wanting experience of anyone’s with mediation. I’m choosing a mediator for something incredibly important in a will. It’s so important that I get the right person to mediator.

So I just wanted to check what happens. Do they read your case ( mine is will related) and then discuss with you what you want and then speak to the other side or do they TELL you what you should do and ask for? Is it like bartering? I know it costs £10,000 the mediation process with mediator and Solicitors etc, so I imagine it’s a long process for that much money so wondered if anyone has first hand experience of how it goes?

Comms69

Mediators literally act as middle people, typically keeping the conversation focused and calm.

Most are legally trained so will offer occasional input, but never advice.

elsien

Moogles44 wrote: »

I know it costs £10,000 the mediation process with mediator and Solicitors etc, so I imagine it’s a long process for that much money so wondered if anyone has first hand experience of how it goes?

Where have you had that figure from? It seems very high. You need to separate mediator from solicitor, they're completely different roles.
In the ideal scenario, you come to an agreement with the aid of a mediator then the solicitor draws up the paperwork to seal the deal. If mediation isn't going to work, the mediator should tell you after an initial interview whether the case is suitable for mediation or not. Then it's over to slug it out via solicitors.

Moogles44

elsien wrote: »

Where have you had that figure from? It seems very high. You need to separate mediator from solicitor, they're completely different roles.
In the ideal scenario, you come to an agreement with the aid of a mediator then the solicitor draws up the paperwork to seal the deal. If mediation isn't going to work, the mediator should tell you after an initial interview whether the case is suitable for mediation or not. Then it's over to slug it out via solicitors.

For the whole mediation process for the will contesting with solicitors, barrister ( think he’s there too? ) and mediator my side and opposing side have both been told it’s going to be £10,000
I’m not surprised as solicitors are very expensive so for a whole day and travel etc it’s gonna be huge! Also there is work to do before mediation to get case sorted. I’m not thrilled about that amount but not surprised

Comms69

Moogles44 wrote: »

For the whole mediation process for the will contesting with solicitors, barrister ( think he’s there too? ) and mediator my side and opposing side have both been told it’s going to be £10,000
I’m not surprised as solicitors are very expensive so for a whole day and travel etc it’s gonna be huge! Also there is work to do before mediation to get case sorted. I’m not thrilled about that amount but not surprised

mediation doesn't require solicitors nor barristers.


It requires just you and is sometimes done over the phone

elsien

You're only going to need the barrister and run up huge bills if mediation fails. So to avoid said huge bills, if you and the other party are able to consider compromises you'll save yourself a lot of strife. And money. Which is what mediation is intended to be about.
Mediators are facilitators who enable difficult discussions while as far as possible keeping people civil and ensuring both sides get the chance to put their point of view. Then try to help you meet somewhere in the middle. They don't tell you what you should or shouldn't do, although they may point out if someone is being completely unreasonable.
You would usually have the mediation sessions, reach an agreement if possible, then use a solicitor to check the details and support you in having it legally drawn up and binding. The silly money would usually come in if this process breaks down and you end up in court.

WillowCat

Are you sure this is mediation, not arbitration?

Moogles44

Comms69 wrote: »

mediation doesn't require solicitors nor barristers.


It requires just you and is sometimes done over the phone

This one does I think as there is a lot of legal stuff and my evidence is a massive box file filled to the brim and more. We have heard no reply to our case from solicitor opposing so have no clue what they will say which I find unnerving .

I tried sorting it in person from day one but stepmother wouldn’t even discuss it , even though admitted by accident that she knew of the lifelong promise to me.

So it less of a dividing things up fairly sort of mediation but more of an agreeing what legally I would get if we go to court and getting that done without court costs. And I believe that we do need solicitors as just one person going backwards and forwards to her and me won’t work as she just wants everything, can’t speak English still after over a decade of living here and I don’t think is very intelligent as even when I explained it could cost £100,000 in court costs didn’t want to talk about it even. So I think that she needs legal people telling her she can’t do this and consequences if she doesn’t because what has been done to me is actually against the law, I’m not a disgruntled child who just fancied something and didn’t get it. You cannot by law promise someone something and actively get them to change their life plans for that thing and let them sink tens of thousands of pounds into it and all their time and money and then at the last minute say , sorry I’ve changed my mind now so this is what we need her to recognise.

Honestly , I wish I was dealing with anyone else but her but I do agree with solicitors on this one that we do need solicitors.

Comms69

Moogles44 wrote: »

This one does I think as there is a lot of legal stuff and my evidence is a massive box file filled to the brim and more. - Then it's not mediation. Because your evidence is not relevant. We have heard no reply to our case from solicitor opposing so have no clue what they will say which I find unnerving . - They'll say whatever is 1. in the interests of their client; 2. what the client tells them to say.

I tried sorting it in person from day one but stepmother wouldn’t even discuss it , even though admitted by accident that she knew of the lifelong promise to me. - How is that relevant though? I'm not discussing your case in detail. But I can promise something for 99 years and then change my mind.

So it less of a dividing things up fairly sort of mediation but more of an agreeing what legally I would get if we go to court and getting that done without court costs. - That's not really what mediation does. Often in mediation both parties are expected to compromise their position. And I believe that we do need solicitors - then you don't need mediation. as just one person going backwards and forwards to her and me won’t work as she just wants everything, can’t speak English still after over a decade of living here and I don’t think is very intelligent as even when I explained it could cost £100,000 in court costs didn’t want to talk about it even. - Where are you getting these numbers? So I think that she needs legal people telling her she can’t do this and consequences if she doesn’t because what has been done to me is actually against the law - Ye that isn't what solicitors tend to do, and in anycase if it's a crime, report her. , I’m not a disgruntled child who just fancied something and didn’t get it. You cannot by law promise someone something and actively get them to change their life plans for that thing - yes you can, absolutely you can. and let them sink tens of thousands of pounds into it and all their time and money and then at the last minute say , sorry I’ve changed my mind now so this is what we need her to recognise. - you certainly can do that.

Honestly , I wish I was dealing with anyone else but her but I do agree with solicitors on this one that we do need solicitors.

This is how mediation works.


Person A: I want X, Y and Z
Person B: I want X and Y, but will swap Z for Q
Person A: That's fine, so we just talk about X and Y
Person B: I want X more than Y
Person B: I want Y more than X
Solved.

elsien

WillowCat wrote: »

Are you sure this is mediation, not arbitration?

I'm going to highlight this question again, because boxes of evidence and solicitors/barristers does sound more like arbitration than mediation.

Comms69

elsien wrote: »

I'm going to highlight this question again, because boxes of evidence and solicitors/barristers does sound more like arbitration than mediation.

Agreed. But the OP could be getting mixed up too.


If the professionals have said mediation, I'd suspect that's what it is.