How to find/make friends

Anoneemoose

Hi all.

I've posted before regarding suffering from boredom due to mainly being housebound, due to illness. At the minute, I am feeling a bit down about this again and the fact I don't have many friends.

I gave up work a couple of years ago but even at work I felt like a bit of a spare part. The department I was in was very 'cliquey' and although I always got on with everyone, I often felt like I was forgotten. I was the only part timer on a full time team (even though there were other part timers on in the office too). This meant I always started and finished on my own, as well as having breaks and lunch on my own too. This led to me feeling a bit left out and although I appreciate it was not necessarily intended, it knocked my confidence quite a bit. I also didn't get any acknowledgement that I was leaving even though I a couple of people left a few weeks before me and a big fuss was made (and I actually contributed to their gifts). I only point this out because it made me feel a bit like there must be something wrong with me and that has picked away at my confidence too.

Anyway, now I have one close friend I see regularly and one friend who I keep in touch with from work, but I don't see them often. I am acquaintances with lots of mums from the school yard and have a chat if I see them out and about, but nothing 'proper'.

I also find this time of year quite difficult..I see people talking about Christmas parties etc. And then hubby goes to his Christmas night out and it just makes me feel I am missing out. And in some ways missing out on life a bit. I miss work and having something to do and I miss having someone other than the kids and hubby to talk to.

I am on some FB groups to do will my illnesses but I often find the only focus on these is 'being ill' and it can be a drag, so I only pop on now and then.

If anyone has any tips or advice for me, I would much appreciate it.

Thank you.

KxMx

Look into local groups on meetup.com, there may also be a local friendship groups on Facebook.

You can find like minded people and dip in and out of events as your health allows.

This is exactly what I do, and I've ended up making one really good friend via Meetup and we stay in touch between the meetups and actually go out outside of the group.

She has even invited me to her wedding next year

Also, don't be afraid to take the initiative and suggest things to the Mums you see out and about. Eventually someone will say yes!

fairy_lights

I was going to suggest meetup.com but I've been beaten to it!
I've met some fantastic people through meetup events, and even if you don't instantly gel with everyone you meet it at least gets you out and trying something new, which can be a massive confidence builder.

(Christmas parties tend to be hugely disappointing anyway, you're really not missing out on anything there)

Anoneemoose

Thank you! I have looked on meetup before but the only groups close to me are 'active' groups, like walking etc. Or pub nights!

I wonder if it might be possible to start my own.

I shall have a mooch on FB too.

And I know Christmas parties aren't always the best, I think I just miss the getting dressed up and having a festive giggle!!

KxMx

Groups do come & go on meetup so it's always worth keeping an eye on there.

You don't have to take part 100% in the arrangements either.
So if for example a walking group is walking then pub, say you'll join them at the pub.

I've joined a pub then restaurant event next month, I probably won't go to the pub, because that would make the evening too long for me, but will take part in the meal.

barbarawright

You chat to people in the playground - why not suggest to them that you go for coffee or something. Say you want to try out a new cafe or something. They can only say no but often people are just waiting for someone else to ask.

FBaby

I have found the kids to be the easiest way to make friends. It usually start with one of mine being invited to someone else's house or vice versa, so exchanging phone number, and then calling to ask if they've heard about a play/homework/day trip, what needed to be done etc... Or offering to take the kids to a party, then when dropped off, being invited for a cup of tea. Also starting conversation watching them doing their activities. Usually start with a brief smile, then a hello, then a comment on their kid and before you know it, you're talking about X Y and Z and taking it from there.

Kynthia

Getting involved with organising something Can be a good way of getting to know people better and potentially making friends. What about the school PTA or helping with small school or charity events? Is there a local NCT branch who need volunteers to organise their nearly new sale, or do they perhaps run events you'd like to attend?

Is there a hobby you could go to with others, like learn a language, a book club or a knitting group (often called 'stitch & b!!ch' now as it's younger women chatting while knitting)? There's an app called Mush to help mums meet other mums for friendship and playmates. The majority will have babies and toddlers but there might be others that have older children but don't work.

krlyr

Seconding/thirding/fouthing meetup.com! Joined when I split up with my ex, I've not actually been on many meets because life got a bit hectic (decided to do the last 12 months of my evening course in 5 months, promotion at work, a family holiday, family wedding, two trips to US for work, house sale and house purchase, and a new fella....phew!) but I do semi-regularly go on group dog walks with one group I'm on, which is lovely as the dog needs a walk anyway and at the same time I get to natter away to some familiar faces and some new ones.

Anoneemoose

Thank you for all the suggestions. I have found a group on meetup so will give that a try.

The only thing with things like joining the PTA and similar, is I can't always commit to things due to my illnesses. It's impossible to know when I'll be having a good day so daren't promise anything.

I have previously suggested coffee to one of the mums who has been told she might have similar issues to me but it just never happened. Once upon a time I used to be so confident but now I'm not at all. I realise I need to get out of my comfort zone though. As daft as it sounds, I do worry I'll come across as 'odd' if I ask!!:rotfl:

KxMx

Are you happy to be open about your illness to PTA? If so, just tell them you can't make any guarantees but you'll try your hardest. There may be things you could do by phone/email to help out when you cannot attend in person.