Financial Jokes

grey_gym_sock

longleggedhair wrote: »

If he ever gets anywhere near No 11, the joke will be on all of us.

yes, if by "us" you mean people/companies profiting from rip-off PFI schemes.

buying out PFI contracts, and nationalizing natural monopolies, will cost investors money, and save money for the public sector, because investors (as a group) will end up holding some low-return long-term gilts, instead of higher-return PFI contracts and utilities.

the real joke is that politicians who promote privatizations and PFI schemes claim to be all for being responsible with public money, when these policies waste public money!

Nitram29

The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.

wooder

Q. What's the difference between an IFA and God.... ?
A. God doesn't think he's an IFA.... !

Q. Why did the Irish call their pound 'Punt'..... ?
A. Coz it rhymes with bank manager.... !

Malthusian

Q. How many momentum investors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. None, past performance data shows that the burnt-out lightbulb will turn itself back on.

capital0ne

Q: Why are IFAs buried 50ft down?
A: Because deep down they're really nice guys!

Q: Whats black and tan, furry and look good around an IFAs neck?
A: A rottweiler!


Q: Whats the difference between an plaice and an IFA?
A: One is a scum eating bottom feeder the other one comes with chips, salt 'n vinegar wrapped in yesterdays news!

Cheer up folks, inflation is only 3% some of us managed through 18% without too much sweat, this is nothing!

Mnd

Saw this one on the back of a van

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank
Give a man a bank and he can rob us all!

Ken68

Pinched from the internet...A Frog walks in a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant.
"I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Ken68

More of a quiz...which bank's T&c's mention Volcanoes.

Malthusian

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman and a momentum investor walk into a bar. The Englishman buys a round of drinks for everyone. After they've finished their pint, the Scotsman buys another round of drinks (with stereotypical reluctance). After their second pint, the Irishman insists that the night is young and they've time for a third. Once the third pint has been sunk, the momentum investor heads to the bar, and returns with four glasses of tap water. "My technical analysis shows that pints are overbought" he says.

Next week, an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar.

Gambler101

Ive come to the conclusion that financial jokes can never be funny .