Considering separation from Disabled partner

hazyjo

Can you not just TALK to her?

Please don't use the word 'normal' in your letter. Ouch.

Diary

He says he would have left years ago but still went on to have 2 children with his by then disabled wife. He then goes on to dump her and leave with the 2 children he wanted knowing she was unable to care for them by herself.

As someone who also cannot stand and uses a permanent catheter, is tube fed and has a ventilator I find this attitude disgraceful. While far from perfect thank goodness my husband has more ba11s than him.

The letter is patronising and self-serving.

I hope he leaves her as soon as possible.

globetraveller

If you have felt like this for several years, why did you have children? Were you hoping they would be a help to your wife?
I actually can't believe you have copied your letters to this forum. Dnot you realise what it makes you look like? How on earth is your wife meant to cope with 2 children? But never mind , you will get your life back and that's the main thing.
There are so many detais here , your wife or a friend may find it Perhaps we need to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this is depression talking. But I wonder if your employers would want a depressed pilot? ?
Think of a career change so that you can at least see your children every day. They come first. A future possible wife may be put off that the vows would be just " in health."

[Deleted User]

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

This is a Strange letter.

Perhaps, just perhaps it's the OP's only way to cry for help.

A whole family needs help.

Hoping they haven't done anything stupid, this whole thread needs to be treated with concern.

svain

wow ... some of the responses are as unreal as the OP .... My guess is most of you criticising have done no more than cared for your partners when they have a cold. Unless you have been in similar situation your imagination wont even be close to the reality of caring for someone in this situation.

The leaving children to fend for themselves (effectively) is a different matter entirely

Sam_Fallow

As a full time carer for my wife I feel I'm qualified to comment here but I can't think of the right words.

Our life has changed to the point where everything is different to what we had, but when I married her it was a one shot deal. Inside, she is still the woman I fell in love with.

OP, I believe you are a brave man to decide to go but I hope you can live with the guilt.
BTW your letter is all kinds of wrong from start to finish.

Diamandis

As a disabled woman, I'd still manage to beat the crap out of you for giving me a letter like this.

Diamandis

What do you think happens to young children who are left with a parent who is unable to care for them properly?

Pixie5740

I can't imagine how draining it is physically, mentally and emotionally being a carer. You probably think that working out all the practicalities of leaving and putting it in the letter is being helpful but it's not. That letter is !!!!ing brutal. You might not have meant it to be but it is. It comes across as though rather than talk to your wife you've been plotting your escape for quite some time.

Have you tried talking to your wife about how you both feel about the situation or suggested relationship counselling? The outcome could well end up being the same but the relationship would end on better terms than using that letter. If separation is inevitable then it would be better to discuss the practicalities of how it would all work with the children, carers, the house, etc together.

JReacher1

Do you even need to tell her? Why don’t you just defriend her on Facebook and set your relationship status to “single”

That would probably be better than sending that letter