Are we being unreasonable? Inheritance and houses

ska_lover

Margot123 wrote: »

Yours is another case of where family ties are being used to coerce. I'm sorry but from my own experience, I can say that once money comes into the equation, those ties get used to bully and blackmail.

Yes. once there is the prospect of a few quid on the table some folk can really change

I really bore this in mind when organising my own will, it sounds really awful but the pple you think you can trust can change

I feel nothing but sympathy for pple going through this awful type of situation and knw how stressful it can be

Jenniefour

hygge123, am putting your post today here to get this visible as you altered original post (fine to do that but it doesn't get your original thread back on first page).

Here it is:-

"My sister and I are joint executors of our father's will, with the proviso that our brother is kept fully informed at all times. Relationships have broken down between the sister, and myself and my brother, and yet we were all 3 due to meet with our joint solicitor and discuss arrangements for paying the IHT and sign the probate forms on Monday. She has now said she won't be attending, but will arrange to sign the forms elsewhere. I understand she is legally entitled to do this, but my question is, how am supposed to work with her if she is behaving like this? I've suggested mediation but she has pretty much refused it. There are big decisions to be made regarding the amount of tax to pay upfront, and whether to sell the house or not. (I posted a couple of weeks earlier about this, asking if was reasonable to expect us to wait 18 months before taking our share of the house so her daughter could finish her GCSEs and they could take over the house). Any suggestions of how to proceed?"

Hope that's OK.

Sarastro

She is being unreasonable. And she will carry on being unreasonable for as long as you let her.
Petition the court to have her removed as an executor - she is not carrying out the terms of the will and is not acting in the best interests of the beneficiaries.

Primrose

Your sister has a conflict of interest as executor and should resign her position. It is also the duty of executors to execute a will as quickly as possible without any unnecessary delays and clearly one executor trying to delay the process for 18 months for her own personal gain is unacceptable.

This is obviously going to lead to family conflict. You can only try to handle all communications impartially and avoid getting 8nto emoti9nal arguments as much as possible. Just stick to the facts and act professionally, even if yiu sister doesn’t.

happyandcontented

This is a potential minefield, what happens if she and her partner split up? Just say No.

eddyinfreehold

Although I'm afraid this adds to what is already an awkward situation, it is worth pointing out that the estate is unlikely to be wound up any time soon.

You say you haven't got Probate yet? Has the full value of the estate been valued professionally, all land, property and chattels, and any individual valuables? With these sums of money involved it is vitally important you do this with at least one if not two RICS valuations. Your first hurdle will not be your sister, it will be HMRC. A good solicitor will point this out to you and I would encourage her to listen to your suggestion and attend to hear what is said.

It might be that the forms for submission are ready and all the calculations are made. In these circumstances I think it is essential the certified will is retained by the solicitor and not any of the executors just in case it 'went missing.' You should all retain copies.

I would be very surprised if (once the forms are submitted and a sum of IHT paid alongside), HMRC then indicate they will be going through the submission with a fine toothcomb, possibly sending the property details to the Office of Valuation for compliance. Hence the importance of cast iron 24 carat valuation(s) from RICS surveyors.

I am in this position at the moment as some of you are aware. We were granted Probate 3 months after submitting IHT cheque and forms. Probate was the end of December 2016. We haven't heard from HMRC since although I have found out that the case was sent to Compliance in February 2017.

Without being too cynical, your sister's daughter may be at University before the Estate is finally wound up going from my experience and the glacial pace of HMRC.

Edit, addition.

I would also add that I would be very worried about your sister's marital position. They own two houses and live apart? Is this a CGT scam where they are pretending to be separated? It is all very odd. If you did agree to an arrangement, AND I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOU DO, you would have to insist that any agreement of her suggestion, a Family Agreement as it is known, is drawn up legally and not involving her spouse and paid for by her, certainly not the Estate.

Yorkshireman99

Sorry to be blunt. You have had plenty of advice so why have you not got on with things? As far as I can see unless, and until,YOU take some action nothing will progress.

eddyinfreehold

I know you say it how it is YM99 but that's very blunt.

I have every sympathy with the OP. It is a very difficult situation and escalating it isn't going to help. Careful negotiation is needed here, and very good mediating legal advice or it could get very messy and expensive. Finding a way to get the sister to at least listen to some of the pitfalls of her idea, and see some of the elephant traps they could fall into might be a start, for example writing out some worst case scenarios in figures including the added legal costs.

Yorkshireman99

eddyinfreehold wrote: »

I know you say it how it is YM99 but that's very blunt.

I have every sympathy with the OP. It is a very difficult situation and escalating it isn't going to help. Careful negotiation is needed here, and very good mediating legal advice or it could get very messy and expensive. Finding a way to get the sister to at least listen to some of the pitfalls of her idea, and see some of the elephant traps they could fall into might be a start, for example writing out some worst case scenarios in figures including the added legal costs.

I hear what you say! However, it is evident that the culprits, for want of a better term, either don’t have a clue or are determined not to carry out their responsibilities. In either my experience suggests that in such situations the softly, softly, approach just does not work. The only thing people like that understand is when they are faced with strong measures and those that will hurt their wallets.

Margot123

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

I hear what you say! However, it is evident that the culprits, for want of a better term, either don’t have a clue or are determined not to carry out their responsibilities. In either my experience suggests that in such situations the softly, softly, approach just does not work. The only thing people like that understand is when they are faced with strong measures and those that will hurt their wallets.

Second what you are saying YM99. As a few will know, I took the 'softly-softly' approach with my once loyal and lovely Brother. I am now in a mess with little or no prospect of gaining what was bequeathed to me.
It isn't just about money either; the emotional stress and even arguments between spouses can make you feel like giving up.
OP please listen, IT WILL happen to you.