Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

In other good news DH asked DS2 to give us some money each month towards bills and he said yes :T. DH asked for £200 per month and DS2 said yes straight away. I feel relieved but also guilty . I feel like we shouldn't be asking our children for money. Am I being silly? Anyway we will take it because we're so desperate, but I feel bad about it .

Don't feel guilty in the least, HH. I know from what family and friends have told me in the past that grown up 'children' who are still living at home and working or have some other form of income always pay towards their keep. You're not being mean or anything, that's how these things usually work. You're not asking 'children' for money, he's an adult with an income of his own. If he was living somewhere independently on his own he'd be paying out a heck of a lot more than that for the comforts that you've been providing for nothing. Your son was probably one of the few people in his peer group not paying a penny:eek:. I know from a friend that it was something of a rite of passage for her son when he got his first (poorly paid one at that) job and couldn't wait to rush home and hand over some of his first paypacket to his Mum.

elizabethhull

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

In other good news DH asked DS2 to give us some money each month towards bills and he said yes :T. DH asked for £200 per month and DS2 said yes straight away. I feel relieved but also guilty . I feel like we shouldn't be asking our children for money. Am I being silly? Anyway we will take it because we're so desperate, but I feel bad about it .

That's lovely that he agreed straightaway. Perhaps he'd already been thinking of it. Anyway, it's a good compromise sum. The market rate would be a lot more, so you're still being very reasonable and I'm sure the extra will seem like a windfall to you. Well done for actually asking - not an easy thing to do.

Had you realised how many difficult things you've done recently ? Phoning NPower, asking DS2 for a contribution, filling in job applications - all requiring determination and mental strength. Well done, you !

HairyHandofDartmoor

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

I think £200 is perfectly acceptable as rent for a month. You seem to provide everything for your DS so that's cheap compared to if they were going it alone.

You can always readjust when things become a little easier financially.

Enjoy volunteering.

carbootcrazy wrote: »

Don't feel guilty in the least, HH. I know from what family and friends have told me in the past that grown up 'children' who are still living at home and working or have some other form of income always pay towards their keep. You're not being mean or anything, that's how these things usually work. You're not asking 'children' for money, he's an adult with an income of his own. If he was living somewhere independently on his own he'd be paying out a heck of a lot more than that for the comforts that you've been providing for nothing. Your son was probably one of the few people in his peer group not paying a penny:eek:. I know from a friend that it was something of a rite of passage for her son when he got his first (poorly paid one at that) job and couldn't wait to rush home and hand over some of his first paypacket to his Mum.

elizabethhull wrote: »

That's lovely that he agreed straightaway. Perhaps he'd already been thinking of it. Anyway, it's a good compromise sum. The market rate would be a lot more, so you're still being very reasonable and I'm sure the extra will seem like a windfall to you. Well done for actually asking - not an easy thing to do.

Had you realised how many difficult things you've done recently ? Phoning NPower, asking DS2 for a contribution, filling in job applications - all requiring determination and mental strength. Well done, you !

Thank you all . My dad has been asking for ages if the grown up kids pay us rent and looking disapproving when I say no . I know DS2 would pay a lot more to live independently as he'd pay rent, council tax, electricity, internet, etc. I know DS2 can afford it too as he is earning good money. But I still feel guilty. There's no logic to it! But I'm also relieved because it will help us to not get behind with the bills .

Thank you Elizabeth, I guess I have swallowed a lot of frogs this week, although DH gets the credit for asking DS2 for £200 (I'd have asked him for £80 :rotfl:).

HairyHandofDartmoor

Volunteering was fun as always. It was Pudsey day so everyone was in spots or stripes and the excitement level was high :rotfl:. A few children forgot it was mufti and one was crying but the TA quickly made them Pudsey badges out of card :T. I tied up a lot of shoelaces today .

I also posted my two job applications :T :eek:. I need to NOT think about those any more as it makes me too nervous .

I'm trying to decide if it would be a good idea to get my flu jab this afternoon or tomorrow when I'm in town anyway. Ì think I'll ring Sup3rdrug and see if Saturday is a good day to get one.

I'll be glad when this cold goes :mad: but DH said the flu jab made him feel unwell for a week :eek:.

jwil

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I don't understand it at all Jwil and I don't trust them :mad:. £6 a week is the debt repayment, so £39 a week is our supposed usage :mad:.

I think you're right, when I get time I'll write a letter complaining and see what happens.

There's no harm in it. You might get a result!

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I've spent over five hours this afternoon doing two job applications! Neither are for many hours and one is temporary, but some money is better than none and it would be good work experience. We had to spend £20 of my clothes horse money on ink to print them out but it will be worth it if I get one of the jobs . Anyway they're all ready to post tomorrow so fingers crossed I'll at least get an interview.

I'm so tired now I feel quite weird and my tummy feels all strange (stress). DH has offered to cook so I can calm down and relax :rotfl:.

Good luck with the job applications :T Hope you feel a bit calmer soon x

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

In other good news DH asked DS2 to give us some money each month towards bills and he said yes :T. DH asked for £200 per month and DS2 said yes straight away. I feel relieved but also guilty . I feel like we shouldn't be asking our children for money. Am I being silly? Anyway we will take it because we're so desperate, but I feel bad about it .

That's great news, and you shouldn't feel guilty, though it's understandable. Your DS is obviously happy to contribute. I hope it makes a difference.

jwil

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I'll be glad when this cold goes :mad: but DH said the flu jab made him feel unwell for a week :eek:.

Hope you feel better soon. I had the flu jab earlier this week and it has had no effects. I did bizarrely have a sore hand the following day but that was most probably unrelated.

Seasidegal58

Sun_Addict wrote: »

I think getting a job would be good for you, you'd get out and meet people plus be paid a steady income, what's not to like xx Fingers crossed for the applications

Well done for sorting out the job applications Hairy!:T I am thoroughly echoing SA's post above.

carbootcrazy wrote: »

Don't feel guilty in the least, HH. I know from what family and friends have told me in the past that grown up 'children' who are still living at home and working or have some other form of income always pay towards their keep. You're not being mean or anything, that's how these things usually work. You're not asking 'children' for money, he's an adult with an income of his own. If he was living somewhere independently on his own he'd be paying out a heck of a lot more than that for the comforts that you've been providing for nothing. Your son was probably one of the few people in his peer group not paying a penny:eek:. I know from a friend that it was something of a rite of passage for her son when he got his first (poorly paid one at that) job and couldn't wait to rush home and hand over some of his first paypacket to his Mum.

...and carboot's post is so true and to the point. You are a family and as such all members who are earning and living at your house full time should contribute. It will stand DS in good stead for when he does get a place of his own.

[Deleted User]

I'm glad you enjoyed your volunteering, HH. Pudsey Day with young children sounds fun:j

When I had my flu jab I was fine but OH had a bit of stiffness in his arm which he put down to the nurse doing it. He knows her of old, she's really rough:eek:. It was Ok after about 24 hours though.


I agree with Elizabeth about your having achieved a lot of difficult things this past few days. We're all really proud of you:T. You're capable of a lot more than you give yourself credit for and I just know when you get a job you'll take everything in your stride:A

HairyHandofDartmoor

jwil wrote: »

There's no harm in it. You might get a result!



Good luck with the job applications :T Hope you feel a bit calmer soon x



That's great news, and you shouldn't feel guilty, though it's understandable. Your DS is obviously happy to contribute. I hope it makes a difference.

jwil wrote: »

Hope you feel better soon. I had the flu jab earlier this week and it has had no effects. I did bizarrely have a sore hand the following day but that was most probably unrelated.

Seasidegal58 wrote: »

Well done for sorting out the job applications Hairy!:T I am thoroughly echoing SA's post above.




...and carboot's post is so true and to the point. You are a family and as such all members who are earning and living at your house full time should contribute. It will stand DS in good stead for when he does get a place of his own.

Thank you both . I'm going to try very hard not to feel guilty. I personally went from being a student straight to a job and renting a flat (apart from one summer) so my parents never asked me for rent as I never lived at home when I was earning, but they probably would have I suppose.

It's all happening at the moment! No wonder I feel shattered :rotfl:.

[Deleted User]

OH was horrified at the prices when I checked the train fares for him for his homeward trip next week. My friend wants to pay for it but OH feels guilty about letting her do it. She's just lost her husband after all and is having a nightmare time worrying about her brother. OH can often come across as a curmudgeon:eek: but he has a kind heart really, even if he keeps it hidden most of the time:rotfl:.


A friend of ours has a Senior Railcard which gets a discount on fares. He offered to let OH use it as it doesn't carry a photo or anything. OH has gone over there now and his friend is going to book and pay for the tickets online and OH will pay him back. OH is worried in case he gets arrested for fraud:eek:. He's also a bit worried about the insurance for my friend's brother's car. OH's current insurance allows him to drive any other car with the owner's permission so I expect that will be enough. Not sure he'll have the owner's permission though, depends on what mood John (brother) wakes up in. I can imagine them wrestling each other for the car keys:rotfl: