Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

Sallyforth

Hello
I've been around the forums awhile but tend to lurk. However I do find comfort in reading others' posts and realising my own little life isn't quite as bad as it seems some days. I just wanted to reach out to you and say I think you are doing really well following your Mum's passing in July. I lost my own Mum in April 2015 suddenly (she would have been 81 in the July) and then my dear Dad in May this year. I coped pretty well with Mum's death and to be honest we were estranged at the time. However, her passing allowed me to get very close to my Dad again over the past 3 years. I won't go into detail but his death was an accident - a fall in his own home - and I was absolutely distraught. I don't think I have properly grieved yet so reading your diary has helped me enormously come to terms with the fact I may need to get some counselling myself. I have always been a coper but now all I have is DH and two cats and life is very strange now everything has settled down.


We had been in terrible debt 6 years ago but managed to clear c. £90K (yes that much!) and pay off our mortgage last year. I have never known anything other then DWD so now I'm also finding it very strange having some money.


Sorry for rambling on but really just wanted to say how I empathise with you and your situation.


Warm regards
SF

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you for your lovely post Sally. I'm really sorry about your mum and especially your dad . It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand what I'm going through. It can make you feel very alone when you lose someone special.

You do sound as if counselling could be useful as you were so close to your dad the past few years. It's really hard to cope with knowing you'll never be able to talk to them, hug them, or message them again . My mum has missed so much already in the three and a half months she's been gone. It feels like a lifetime, but also like it happened yesterday. I'm glad you had that three years with your dad though as you must have some very special memories from that.

Well done on paying off such a massive amount of debt and your mortgage :T. Keep visiting my diary .

Willowtree222

Hi,

Could you make her a little card and put some words in it that you would have said to her? I'm not sure what you believe, but I am sure that our loved ones know when we are thinking of them. x

HairyHandofDartmoor

It is hard not being able to see her on her birthday. Maybe that would help Nicnak. I'd love to believe she's looking down on us and knows what we're doing, but I'm not sure what I believe. I'm an agnostic.

Willowtree222

I'm not sure if anything will take away that pain, I know they say write a journal or write your thoughts down, so why not write a card. It can be put somewhere she loved, or simply put away. I don't think anything will ever make it better, but if you get what you would say to her out, you might feel like you have wished her happy birthday. x

Sallyforth

Is there somewhere you can leave some flowers on your Mum’s birthday? Flowers or something else with a special meaning. Perhaps just a spot you both loved or even somewhere new? When my Mum died 3 years ago my Dad kept her ashes in a wardrobe at his home. When Dad died we had both sets of ashes (and those of one of their much loved cat’s) interred at a woodland burial ground in North Yorkshire. We plan to visit when I need to be at peace. The spot is unmarked but we have their names engraved on monoliths close by. I surreptitiously placed Mum’s engagement and wedding rings in the ground with them. I am agnostic too but veering towards atheist.

I’m glad to have found your diary and will try to support you. It really is very early days and we have all those “firsts” to go through. Reminds me of when I stopped smoking 9 years ago when I honestly thought life wasn’t worth living without nicotine. Happy to report it is!

SF

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you Nicnak. I could try doing that, maybe it would help.

Thank you Sally. My mum's ashes are still at the undertakers and won't be buried until April and so there isn't a grave to put flowers on yet. But there are places that she loved. Hopefully we can support each other through our bereavements. I'm glad you found my diary too.

System

Sallyforth wrote: »

Is there somewhere you can leave some flowers on your Mum’s birthday? Flowers or something else with a special meaning. Perhaps just a spot you both loved or even somewhere new? When my Mum died 3 years ago my Dad kept her ashes in a wardrobe at his home. When Dad died we had both sets of ashes (and those of one of their much loved cat’s) interred at a woodland burial ground in North Yorkshire. We plan to visit when I need to be at peace. The spot is unmarked but we have their names engraved on monoliths close by. I surreptitiously placed Mum’s engagement and wedding rings in the ground with them. I am agnostic too but veering towards atheist.

I’m glad to have found your diary and will try to support you. It really is very early days and we have all those “firsts” to go through. Reminds me of when I stopped smoking 9 years ago when I honestly thought life wasn’t worth living without nicotine. Happy to report it is!

SF

What a lovely thoughtful post. Have to agree with this . :A

please-let-me-be-lucky

When I lost my twins I planted two rhododendrons in my garden. We chose those particularly as they flower each year when it would be their birthday. Could you do something similar for your Mum? It used to make me sad and be a place of sorrow, but now I smile when they flower as they are so pretty. Xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

That's really sad for you Lucky but a lovely idea to plant the rhododendrons. I did wonder about planting a shrub for my mum, she liked hydrangeas. But I can't afford to buy one at the moment. It would be a nice idea for later though.