Buying a house with partner. He's paying deposit. We have 2 children.

Tygermoth

From an alternate view.

My partner of 15 years (We have no desire to get married and very happy/secure) was given a shed load of cash to put towards the house - i feel it's fair should we split - that money should be his. As such the we have a legal doc to say he gets that back, whatever happens.

This would go back to him even if we had chosen to get married. It was a gift to him he just happened to want to put it towards a house.

steampowered

What you are asking for is for your partner to gift you a sum of money when you buy the house.

If you decided to stay in rented accommodation, would you expect your partner to pay half the amount he saved into your account?

If the answer to that is no, then I can see why your partner thinks he should get a share of the equity that matches the money he paid. I can see your partner's point.

Remember that if you split and stayed with the kids, you would be entitled to child support.

comeandgo

I agree with your partner, it's his money from inheritance. If the money had been saved when you were together then I could see your argument.

rosyw

Another point of view.

A lot of people say get married, you don't HAVE to! I spent nearly 35 years with my partner, we had kids and grand kids,we never married because we were happy as we were.

When we bought our 1st house it didn't matter to us who paid the deposit etc., we each contributed what we could and everything was in joint names. He brought in more money than me, but I looked after the kids so he could earn more. That was a fair split to us

We both made wills to ensure the other got everything should one of us die,sadly he did, but we had it all covered.

If you don't have that same sort of relationship, you'll struggle further down the line. You're not in a business partnership! So many people look at relationships as some sort of "business arrangement" these days, it's not! It's a simple commitment between two people who, in theory, love each other. Marriage doesn't have to come into it, commitment does.

Leo2020

We bought our house unmarried with an unequal deposit split, he had more money saved up than me. We did not have an agreement made about the deposit.

I currently don't work - two small children and he works full time. We married before having kids. It doesn't make sense me working because of childcare costs.

But as I look after the home and kids it seems a fair split to both of us. And when they are older I will return to work but probably part-time.

Nothing glad in stone as yet, but I might inherit some money potentially enough to pay off the mortgage.

We have never been the sort of people to argue over money or over who earns what and how money should be split.

I suspect, as others have posted, the idea of marriage is a carrot he his dangling. I think if you have the sort of relationship where you keep financial tabs then it says you are not in it for the long haul. Or he isn't should I say.

It wouldn't occur to me to protect the inheritance I might get. We have been together 12 years.

copperclock

I agree with the above couple of posters: I think that he should view everything you have or get as shared, and you should too. That's just what would feel right to me.

As I said in your other thread, I think that 'planning to propose in June' is a cop out. You don't plan to plan to marry. That said, I don't know your relationship; maybe there is some special reason to wait until then.

Lauralou79

I can't believe the people that are claiming you should be married after 8 years. I've just bought a house with my partner of 6 years no plans for marriage tho I'm sure it'll happen when we get around to it. However it isn't the be all and end all of a relationship. Plenty of marriages end due to the pressure of it all and plenty non married people have long standing relationships.
I feel that the fact we've committed to a house purchase and mortgage has given us a good sign of commitment to each other!
As for the original Poster it's a difficult situation and maybe more discussion is needed if both parties aren't completely happy with the scenario.

chesky

I can understand people choosing to live together without being married. What I struggle to understand is people who say they want to and intend getting married but don't 'get round to it' despite managing to get round to buy houses, have children etc.

Winter_Phoenix

OP, try looking at it from the other point of view.

Say YOU put down a massive amount of money as deposit for a house. Five years down the line, your partner has an affair and walks out on you to live with a new woman. Would you cheerfully hand over half of that deposit money to him and his new lady?

As to the 'he might propose to you' bit - if you want to get married, why don't you propose to him?

tori.k

How do you treat your joint income now, is it all just thrown into the pot together or does he give you a percentage of his wage, if you are already keeping a degree of separate finances then go with his suggestion, if your lots been thrown in together from the start then why change the way things are done. I'd personally would just continue the way you have for the last eight years if you have both been happy with the arrangements. Money is like marriage it can create a feeling of security real or imagined, but both can come and go. And this house move is bringing out the insecurities in both of you. If marriage will give you the security you need then move the time line up before you buy, if keeping some of the deposit back keeps him secure then let him have that blanket, don't let what ifs feed your insecurities. Trust is the necessity in any relationship.