Struggling to break away from my ex

badmemory

Sambella wrote: »

Very rarely was there any money sent between birthdays and Xmas and there was no child maintenance paid (he had other kids) I hold no resentment over this. It was what it was.

Everyone is different but I found just accepting and letting go beneficial in the long run and the kids , now grown, are still in contact with their Dad.

And being accepting & letting go is a really good plan, it is certainly better for the one who has to deal with the day to day. If I hadn't let go I could never have dealt with the fall out.

My ex never even sent a birthday card. He remarried very quickly & his new wife couldn't have children & couldn't bear to see mine because of that. He asked me to make sure my son had cards & presents & I of course agreed. I forged his signature from my sons 9th to 14th birthdays. Upon which my son said please stop, I know they are not from him, I know you are sending them. Saved me a fortune as I was actually paying more for his father's presents than for mine. He has had absolutely no contact with our son for 27 years. Any friends my son has had from age 12 believe his father is dead.

My biggest problem in all this is that my son will not get into any real relationship because he is so worried that he will turn out like his father & his father before him.

The best thing that happened to me was when I lost (for 4 years) any maintenance. That was really empowering. Financially worrying - there were no tax credits etc then. The idiot thought I wouldn't be able to track his directorships down, but frankly I felt too free to care.

So all I can say is find something, anything which sets you free. Some men in this situation want you there on the sidelines of their life being needy. It feeds their ego. So ask yourself if you really want to be the reason this guy is puffing out his chest?