Work shy relative is becoming a nuisance

Cakeguts

The answer to this is actually very simple. The aunt sells her home and buys or better still rents single occupancy sheltered housing so that he can't live with her any longer. Her money can be invested to pay for the rent or any extras she would like. The important thing is for the aunt to move to somewhere where he can't live with her. She can give him notice that this is what she is going to do so that he can find somewhere else to live.

Bath_cube

I'm not against helping people but he is just a total idiot. He is in Sheffield and I'm in Suffolk so I don't think I'm in danger of him asking me to house him.I spoke to his sister and she said of course he is crying he has been told to find work and he is really upset that he won't be getting the house all to himself when mum dies. I certainly wouldnt allow a grown adult to get away with giving me £5 a week. He really needs to take stock of his life. I'm 17 years younger than him and apart from 7 weeks out of work after a shop I worked at closed up I have always been employed. He told me he was nearly a dad 32 years ago but his GF lost it and that he would have made a good dad. I don't like saying this but I wonder if the child would have shared his views on entitlement in life. My lovely departed cat had more ethics than him.

Primrose

The aunt should give some trusted relatives Power of Attorney ( both for her finances and health & Welfare) to make sure that if circumstances change she has some reliable people looking after her interests. It’s perfectly obvious that the son is not to be trusted and will only be looking after his own interests if something goes wrong and certainly not putting his mother’s well-being first.

Pollycat

Bath_cube wrote: »

I'm not against helping people but he is just a total idiot. He is in Sheffield and I'm in Suffolk so I don't think I'm in danger of him asking me to house him.I spoke to his sister and she said of course he is crying he has been told to find work and he is really upset that he won't be getting the house all to himself when mum dies. I certainly wouldnt allow a grown adult to get away with giving me £5 a week. He really needs to take stock of his life. I'm 17 years younger than him and apart from 7 weeks out of work after a shop I worked at closed up I have always been employed. He told me he was nearly a dad 32 years ago but his GF lost it and that he would have made a good dad. I don't like saying this but I wonder if the child would have shared his views on entitlement in life. My lovely departed cat had more ethics than him.

Why would you wonder about something that almost but not quite happened when you were only 5 years of age?

Who said he would have made a good Dad?
Is it something he's told you recently?
If it is, maybe he's going to play the 'poor me' card - 'things would have been so different if I'd been a Dad'.

Primrose

So we have a lazy 54 year old sponger who hasn’t worked for 20 years because he thinks being a paid employee is beneath his dignity and who expects to be funded into his old age by his mother and the hard pressed tax payer.

Well, send him round to me (as a hard pressed tax payer) and by the time I’ve finished with him on behalf of the rest of us he,ll be pleading to go to work !

Fireflyaway

If he is mid 50's and not working / contributing to society there isn't much chance he is about to start now. If he is fed and housed and JSA gives a bit of pocket money why would he change. Only his mum can ask him to move / pay his keep. Might she actually like having him about? He might be annoying but I'm guessing after so long she might feel pretty lonely if he did go.
I think all you can do is not get involved. You will just be enabling his laziness and attention seeking.

globetraveller

I wouldn't worry about it. A month ago when you started writing this, he was happily carrying on with the same life he's had since 1996. Next month he will have a job in IT and then the following he will be the CEO of the company. Things have a way of working out.
And you will have a best selling book called My Lazy Cousin

globetraveller

Duplicate post

Malthusian

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Might she actually like having him about? He might be annoying but I'm guessing after so long she might feel pretty lonely if he did go.

We always make the mistake of assuming all the background characters in stories like these are paragons of virtue. In the absence of any information about their personalities or actions we assume they are like ourselves. They are more likely to be like their close relations in the story. Quite possibly she's as bad as he is and in no position to criticise him.

Bath_cube

I got a call from his sister earlier. She told me his GF did have a miscarry years ago in 1984. She told me to ignore him, not easy with no caller I'D. I have no intentions of having him come to stay at mine. He will just doss around making a mess and leaving it for myself and my OH to sort out. Also I'm told he has the television in his room on loud until about 3am at night I'm up at 6.30am. I wouldnt finance my own brother who I love and care for deeply let alone a lazy slob with a big sense of self.