Wanting to Move home but giving up on a great career

PasturesNew

Don't forget, when you go to Ireland you're "on holiday" mentally and financially. If you were to move back you'd find people had less time for you because they were putting themselves out before because you were on holiday and you probably were the driver for people agreeing to going out.

When "at home" you can't afford to splash out in the same way that you do when your brain's in "holiday mode".

I suspect if you moved back you'd find yourself discovering that you're back to square one - while you know all these people, they are busy with their own lives now and don't have the time to meet up more than 1-2x a year at a push.

It's easy to think that somewhere you holiday is an answer; the reality is that once you're doing the daily grind your socialising will drop off as you'll have home/husband/child stuff that needs doing etc.

So you'd be swapping a happy husband and disposable income for the same situation of you being dissatisfied, but with an unhappier husband and no money for socialising.

You might also find that, financially/career-wise, you made a decision that is life-long irreversible and you can never "walk back into" the life you now have as you'll have tossed it away.

Mojisola

Fefee wrote: »

Yes I would say Im more for moving home than he is and if I didn't push he probably wouldn't have move.

That said hes definitely said he wants to move home and I genuinely believe he would be happier , maybe not so much job satisfaction but sociable and quality of life definitely .

I see it wen hes home he changes , hes more happy . I think its important to him that im happy to.

I have lived the last 8 years for his career and living away from my friends and family has been a massive scarfice. Ive really tried to be happy here in England but I find I just so alone. Really done with living like this.

Money isn't everything and, if you're unhappy, it's certainly worth looking at making changes.

I would hope the days are long gone when a woman had to put up with an unhappy life for the sake of a man's career - his job has been given priority for years - it's got to be worth seriously looking at making changes.

Be objective about it - write a pro and con list, do a spreadsheet of realistic income and expenditure that you will be moving to - but also listen to both your hearts.

Crashy_Time

Why does where you live affect the F1 job, as he is away travelling with the job most of the time anyway?

gingercordial

Crashy_Time wrote: »

Why does where you live affect the F1 job, as he is away travelling with the job most of the time anyway?

There are different F1 engineering jobs. Some go out on the road with the teams for the racing season so they would not be home much. However other jobs are back at the base, designing and testing new technology and manufacturing replacement cars and spares for the travelling teams. OP says her husband has a 9-5 factory job so that would be the latter with little/no travelling involved.

The south-east of England is world-renowned for this and several F1 teams are based there, eg Williams in Oxfordshire and McLaren in Woking. Edit: and Red Bull in Milton Keynes, forgot about them.

xylophone

Why does where you live affect the F1 job, as he is away travelling with the job most of the time anyway?

It seems he is now working 9-5.

He still work s for ,F1 but its factory 9to 5 which has been brilliant.

I can understand the OP's nostalgia for everyday life in NI.

My late grandparents lived there and when I was young and on holiday with my parents, I was struck by the close interaction between neighbours and especially family members who were constantly dropping in and popping down the street "for a mineral" or meeting after church or going to socials to dance and hear the latest show band etc.

For my late father too, NI was always "home".

However, he did accept that his job was here and that any permanent move "home" would have to wait for retirement (which alas he did not live to see).

In addition, my mother's home and family were here.

In the OP's case, "home" is the same for her and her husband and it seems that both wish to return and would return if her husband could obtain a job with equal or better benefits.

How closely has her husband looked at job prospects in NI?

Would the OP feel less lonely if she had a lodger from NI who could work in Oxford and would help with child care in the evenings for a reduced rent?

Fefee

Wages range from £1100 to £1900 so its quite broad but with his skills and expertise he could move up rather quickly.
Im England we do have a good job but the estate we live in rough and the schools. Its abit swings and round abouts.

ripplyuk

xylophone wrote: »

My late grandparents lived there and when I was young and on holiday with my parents, I was struck by the close interaction between neighbours and especially family members who were constantly dropping in and popping down the street "for a mineral" or meeting after church or going to socials to dance and hear the latest show band etc.

That was a very long time ago! It's not like that now.

ripplyuk

OP, I could be way off the mark here (and I apologise if I am) but there is something about your words that is making me wonder if you are mildly depressed and are thinking that this move will solve it.

The life you describe having right now sounds like you are active and not isolated, yet you are obviously unhappy. I would think very carefully before moving. You might find it doesn't change how you feel, and might even worsen things for you, if your husband starts to resent giving up such a good job. I agree with PasturesNew about how holiday-mode is very different to living there full time.

Also, becoming a landlord is not to be taken lightly and there will be endless stress with agents/tenants if you don't know what you're doing. Stress that perhaps you'd be better off without right now.

lynz68

I'm confused now in one post you say he is only home 9 days a month yet in another you say he is now factory based and working 9-5 , maybe I've missed something.

Also remember when you come home you won't have an income you will need to start your business from scratch which won't be easy

ManicRower

Full disclosure - I am a husband whose job often takes me away from my wife. I'm also an F1 fan.


I think this is much more relevant to a relationships board, and my personal opinion is that you really need to talk to your husband about this. You are saying that you have already made compromises (and you have) by living in Oxfordshire, however I am sure he will feel like he has also made compromises by not being on the race team and 'just' working in the F1 factory.


A rather simplistic analogy - being on an F1 race team is like working at a Michelin starred restaurant, working in the factory is slight step below that and I would imagine being a bog standard mechanic would be like working in a local chippy in comparison! His enjoyment and motivation will suffer.


I wonder if there is a compromise to be had where if you really really REALLY want to move back to NI, your husband could rejoin the race team?