Wanting to Move home but giving up on a great career

volare11512

I think you're crazy for wanting to move back at the sacrifice of your husband's career so you can carry on surrounded by children/babies for most of your time with unskilled work. I don't understand how you have no help in England? Did you not go to mother and baby groups to forge friendships with other parents? I am now in my 30s and my old friendships have changed once people have kids because all they ever do is talk about children and look after each others kids.

My family also live in another country and what I have realised is that when I go back and visit we end up spending quality time with each other. These days people people move around, that's life.

You also have home security....something I would long for! Don't be a landlord if you have no desire to be one. It isn't fair for those like myself trapped in a rental market with LLs who have no idea about the law nor understand that it is someones home (possibly for the long-term!).

Fefee

I think the majority of people on this thread are like u . Think I should stay put.

ProDave

I'm late to this thread, but thought it worth sharing my experiences.

We used to live in Oxfordshire, where I was born. I had a good job a modest house and a relatively small mortgage on the house.

The thing that bugged me was the level of traffic congestion on the roads, something I had watched steadilly getting worse and worse as I grew older, it had got to the point that the only way I could tollerate rush hour driving on the A34 every day was to commute on a motorbike.

So in 2003 we sold up and moved to the Highlands, a place we have loved for some time.

We now live in a much more beautiful place close to the sea and mountains. The population density is a tiny fraction of what it was in Oxfordshire. Traffic jams are rare and driving is fun again on mostly empty roads.

Housing is so much cheaper here, we sold our house, paid off the mortgage, built the new one and have been mortgage free from the age of 40. Even had some left over to invest in buy to let. the house we built up here we would never have achieved in Oxfordshire.

I am now working as a self employed electrician. Much less stresful job and much lower pay but I love the flexibility of self employment.

If your heart is in the destination, do it. We have no regrets.

People told me when we announced our move, we must either be very stupid, or very brave, and all said "you will never be able to afford to move back" Well I would not want to move back, why would I want to go back to all that over crowding and congestion?

Fefee

Volaire, I feel ur post is unnecessarily rude and unhelpful. To say im unskilled as I'm a qualified teaching assistant and run my own business providing a baby massage, yoga , and antenatal classes. The comment is really unfair
I no its must be hard to be renting but no need to take it on me. I no full way how lucky I am !

Fefee

F1 has alot sastus and presteige plus good money but price is great.
My husband is only home 9 days a month ! I had to go through a horendous pregnancy

Caroline_a

My parents moved away from the Welsh valleys just after the war. All family and friends were there, so their move to the South East was huge in those days. They made many new friends in their chosen professions and also through other "ex pats" from Wales. There were a lot of reminiscing when they would meet up with Welsh friends but no way would my parents have moved back! They knew that the financial stability far outweighed anything else that 'home' offered them, and they remained in the South East until they died.

They say that the most patriotic people in the world are the ones who have moved away - I do think that's true!

[Deleted User]

I do appreciate your points FeFee.., but how thoroughy have you discussed this with him? Could this break up your marriage? Be a little bit careful. I was a single mum, with one five year old (who later turned out to have ASD), pregnant and collapsing all the while from hypoglycaemias. Then the baby died 9 days after being born. I was a single mum with no family. It was devastating, but I just had to get through it.., on my own. Lots of people do.

But if the way of life you have just isn't enough, you will have to recognise your marriage might end. I hope not but you need to recognise this. You knew the job your OH had, you knew it would mean him being away from home a lot, it must have seemed acceptable to you at some point to lead a certain lifestyle. What has changed?

Remember being around family long term has disadvantages as well! At the moment you can go back home if you need to.

Fefee

Its a very lonely life living with out ur husband and bringing up children like a single mum .
I had to stop my husband from being on the race team as it was not worth it . Then there is the parties while there away and me looking after a crying baby. He still work s for ,F1 but its factory 9to 5 which has been brilliant.

Fefee

No this definitely not break up my marriage as my husband would love to move home. Im not forcing anything , I have asked so many times or u sure and he has definitely would prefer home. After all he misses his family and friends to ,

[Deleted User]

Sounds to me like you both need to look at some counselling. I just wouldn't marry someone knowing what lifestyle they had, change it once and then expect them to throw away all they'd worked for to become a car mechanic. The challenge just isn't the same. He won't be the man you married.

Sorry if that is upsetting, but its what I think.