I need relationship help! He is moving away

tothewonder

Hi all! So I came across a thread on here from a guy asking about whether he should keep dating a woman who was moving away. The advice seemed really helpful and I'd love to get peoples opinions on what I should do. So here is my story...

I am 27 and the man in question is 24 almost 25 (not that I'm trying to justify dating a younger guy ). We met online and have known each other for 2 and a bit months. Over that period we have been on 4 dates which have been brilliant. Each date has felt more intimate than the next, we cook dinner together, snuggle of the sofa and on our last date held hands walking around together. He mentioned on out last date he was unhappy with his new job and was thinking he may go back to his old job as the money was better and his new job in London was not proving to be less stressful than his previous role. He had only been living in London for 2 months so I didn't really think he would move away so soon, I was concerned he may leave but with my wishful thinking brain I thought 'he won't leave'. But last week he texted me saying he has got his old job back and is moving back to near Somerset (for me a 3hr train journey there from London). He asked if I would like to see him again before he left (he leaves at the end of the month). I said I would like to, I want to take any chance to see him I can, even if it is just to say a proper goodbye. He apologied for it all being so sudden.

Normally I would have been disappointed, felt a bit sorry for myself and then pulled myself together and move on...but. A year ago the love of my life died, I never expected to go through something so traumatic and in all honesty it totally annihilated me. Dating again has been tough, at first I felt so unconnected about it all and still so in love with my deceased partner. This guy that is moving away was the first person I really liked and can easily see a future with. I was going to tell him about what happened with my last partner on our next date. I was so terrified to tell him and put him off that I wanted to do it when the time felt right. But now he is leaving and I desperately don't want him to go. A part of me is mindful that because it is such early days I shouldn't get too invested and maybe he didn't like me enough to want to stay.

We have agreed to meet up before he leaves but I really don't know how to handle it. I think what I want to do is to tell him what happened to me and then say thank you for the time we had together, say it gave me hope that I can like someone again and wish him well. Another part of me thinks, just have fun until he goes but play it more cool, as my situation may put him off and he may think he had a lucky escape. I wouldn't judge him for it, as I know my situation is not ideal. I so want him to see that I have so many good qualities and that after knowing me can see I am courageous instead of broken. But as we do not have the luxury of time, I fear he may just see me as vulnerable.

So far I have congratulated him of his new old job ha and said I am happy for him that he is doing what he wants. But really I am heartbroken.

Should I tell him how I really feel now? Or just have a nice month together and see what happens further down the line?

Thanks for listening

bagpussbear

What a disappointment for you :-(

I don't think there would be any point of telling him how you feel, it would be highly unlikely he would change his plans because of it. He may also not feel as strongly as you, after all 4 dates is no time at all.

Your post isn't clear to me on whether he wants to keep seeing you post-move, or whether this is a goodbye month?

It hurts I know, but I'd just see what happens.

BrassicWoman

4 dates in 2 months; he's not crazy in love.

I would get ready to let go with dignity.

Personally I also wouldn't sleep with him as I would regret it later, but that's just me. I don't rate goodbye sex.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

have your fun before he goes, but as BrassicWoman says,

'Personally I also wouldn't sleep with him as I would regret it later, but that's just me. I don't rate goodbye sex.'

If he's still interested when he goes, he will keep in touch, if not, you're young enough to find somebody else.

What will be will be.



Be happy.

chesky

I think you should tell him that you'll miss him and it's a pity you won't be getting to know each other better and see his reaction.

I'd agree no sex. You would only regret it almost immediately.

pollypenny

It's sad, but the four dates don't really equate to a relationship. You'll have to put it down to experience.

Be dignified and wish him all the best.

pearl123

This might sound harsh but if he was super keen he'd find a reason to stay. I wonder if you are more keen on him than he is on you.

I think you need to see it as a bit of dating practice.

hazyjo

Blimey, it's hardly Australia! I'm in London and have dated blokes in Middlesbrough and Preston. Somerset isn't that far.


All VERY sudden - if you met him on the net, I would be very wary of what he tells you. Maybe he's been down here on a contract and has a wife and kids at home, maybe 'he's just not that into you' (I once told a very persistent Italian waiter who kept ringing me that I was moving away as I was too chicken to say I really really fancied him but he was being too clingy already and coming across as a bit of a stalker).


Don't open up too much - if he's completely single and likes you, the relationship will continue. Tell him over the phone or in an email later on if it looks like it's going somewhere - or in person at a later time. If you tell him now after 4 dates if he's ending things, it just comes across a bit weird, like you're doing it for a reason.

System

Make your last meeting as pleasing for him as it will be for you and see if keeps in contact.

If he is as keen on you as you are of him he will stay in touch.

tothewonder

Thank you for all your responses, they are really helpful to get a balanced approach. A few more details that seemed to pop up in the comments:

We only had 4 dates in two months because I was away on holiday and he was also away on two separate occasions for weddings. Initially he was far more keen on me, he made it very clear he fancied me from the get go. I was more cautious because of my situation I held back a little more than I normally would. This is one reason I think telling him how much I actually liked him may help. He seemed really please that I wanted to see him again before he leaves and we would have been going on more dates if he had stayed.

I think he is being sensible and practical in thinking that it clearly won't go anywhere as he is no longer in London. I think I will try and have as fun a last date with him and maybe mention how much i've enjoyed getting to know him. I'm not sure if the rest will come out!? I guess what will happen will happen and I'll just roll with it. Accept what I can't change!

Thanks for all your support!

[Deleted User]

Hi,

tothewonder wrote: »

he was also away on two separate occasions for weddings.

did he ask if you would like to accompany him, or could you not get time off work for them?