Parental opinions needed for a college project!!

Rachie_B

dee_mum_of_3 wrote: »

...it made me sad when a 13 yr old confessed to me shed had sex already and her mum had taken her for an injection so she couldnt get pregnant i said to her what you gave away to someone you hardly new was special you cant get it back...she said she knew and wished she hadnt done it I said make the next time special so she said oh its ok now cos i cant get pregnant .....now i question the mothers motives was it to safeguard her daughter or was it to save hassle for herself? either way theres a child of 13 who gave away a precious part of herself and now has noself respect .....am i old fashioned? do i live on another planet? i teach my eldest son if a girls willing to do it with you dont flatter yourself how many others has she done it with?..........

:eek: so very sad

mummy_Jay

Rachie_B wrote: »

:eek: so very sad

It is but sadly it's not new. 20 years ago when I was ony a teenager, girls where trying to get rid of there virginity at 13, like it was a stigma. I remember very clearly when I was only just 14 having to ask my mum to get a pregnancy test for my then best mate, but even a pregnancy scare didn't stop her. I also lost her as a mate because I refused to follow the crowd and to just sleep with someone because I could, but I didn't care about being popular. Sleeping around seems to have been made intergral to popularity for far too long.

It's not a new problem but it is a growing problem, fueled by the media.

Even if you could find a popular girl that is a positive role model out there in the world of the famous, the media would hunt them down and try to dismerch there reputation, they would see it as a challenge.

You can only go so far as a parent and hope you have taught your children right from wrong, respect for themselves and others but we can not be with our children 24/7 and we have to be able to trust them. It really would be nice if the executives out there in TV land and news papers helped by not only creating positive images of stars on the tv/films but to allow them to be persived as decent human beings. But sadly *straight edge stars don't sell news papers.

*straight edge is an alternative/rock scene, in layman terms its roughly for those that chose not to part take in alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex outside of a long term commiteed relationship, some even take it to not eating animal products etc but as all things everyone has there own definition. Best way to put it is a believe that your body is a temple. [I'm trying not to start preaching here or to go into too much detail]

chugalug

Mother, mid 40's - 4 children - son 28, son 21, daughter 20, son 12.

Interesting thread - IMO, it really comes down to instilling a sense of self respect in your children. How? I don't know is the short answer!! If they're loved and cherished but given boundaries as part of that loving then it should all be ok in the end.

I too have always refused to sexualise my children - I've tried to instill in my boys a respect for women/girls. Now, I can't be sure they've always remembered that but hopefully they've remembered that everyone is a human being who deserves respect.

Feminism isn't about women being allowed to behave like men it's about women having the same choices/opportunities as men - not being pushed into being housewives/mothers if they don't want to be but having an education and a choice of careers - if they then choose to be mothers then that's ok too.

IMO the media portrayal of women now is as a result of feminism - but not in the way a previous poster suggested. It's a backlash, an attempt to make sure women remain 'sexual objects' not to be taken seriously in the workplace/education etc. The media are responsible for the lack of female role models - acres of coverage given to 'wags', non-celebrities, jordan etc with no coverage in the mainstream of decent role models. You can't tell me there aren't women (and men) out there who are setting examples for our children doing worthwhile, exciting and interesting things in the world.

Perhaps I've gone a bit off the point but I think the lifestyle thats given prominence by the mainstream media is one that locks us all into self doubt and worrying about how we look, whether we have enough 'things'. Surely its understandable that our children get sucked in especially if they don't have a firm stable family unit (of whatever type) to steady them.

Rant over:rotfl:

bobsa1

I'm a mum of 3, in my 30's and I have 3 girls aged 3-13yrs. I think the major problem is that parents have given away the right to parent. They now think that schools, health visitors, teenage agencies etc all have a say in raising children, they don't it's the job of parents.

People talk about inapproiate programmes on tv. we all have the right to turn them off, but because we are so time poor, rushing around working to buy the tv's, inapproriate clothes etc we don't actually spend any time with our children, teaching them what is suitable and appropriate.

I work part time in a fairly responsible job and I believe that to a certain extent I've met the femininst ideal, job, family etc however I am currently off sick with depression.

We seem to want to conform to an ideal for ourselves and for our families and I just don't think this can be done.

I live near a city with a very high teenage birth rate and these young mums are very often the children of young mums themselves. No 13 or 14 year old has the maturity to bring up a child without massive support and therefore often these babies are lillte fashion accessories and dressed as "cute" mini adults.

Part of the problem in society, in my view,is that feminism led us to devalue the role of parent and to see it as womens mission to escape the home life they had previously, now government social policy is all around getting mums in to work, when for some they and their offspring would be better with them at home.

I think the whole welfare state issue and value of women is to blame for the problem we are experiencing with young girls,as often they are faced with minimum wage job or getting pregnant and living off benefits, what kind of choice is that.

Sorry started ranting, I just try to instill self worth in my girls, however I accept that I am encouraging them to get a good education, good job etc just so that they have the same dilemma so many women have when it comes to balancing home and work. You can get a family friendly employer but can you get a work friendly family?

snowmaid

Children are no longer taught 'morals' and 'values' as these are seen as 'religious' or 'old fashioned'. But look at what is happening to our children and what they are being taught. Why is it necessary for an 11/12 year old to learn how to put on a condom or about orgasms?!?!?

Our children are being fed inappropriate information, all in the name of 'arming with knowledge'. Who are these people setting these curriculums? Do they have children?

Instead of being taught about orgasms, why aren't we teaching them to respect their bodies, to abstain from s*x, the DANGERS in having relationships.

Why has 'self respect' become a dirty phrase?

Why, when a 12/13 year old is sent for councelling, they are ALLOWED to sit and smoke in front of the councillor?!?!? As if this is letting the child feel 'self worth' and not 'chained' or 'restricted', that they have rights!! (as seen on telly once). For goodness sake!!! :eek:

Its no wonder there are so many basket cases out there, when children are allowed to get the pill without parents consent, allowed abortions, taught about orgasms, taught how to put a condom on, etc etc. I could go on and on.

Our children are not being allowed to be children. How awful.

Katyag

Im a mum of 2 boys, one 5 and one 8 weeks and im in my 20's.

Im so glad i have only sons and DH was worried sick about DS#2 being a girl as he is petrified of bringing up a daughter in this day and age. I do agree a lot is to do with parenting, DH took DS#1 to school today and heard one mother talking to her child and it was all eff this, eff that, you are a little b etc so how is that child going to grow up.

We have a neice and she is a lovely girlie girl, loves pink, jeans, dolls etc. Ok she is only just nearly 7 but they way she is being brought up i cant see her ending up as one of the girls mention in the OP.

If my sons ever treat a woman like that id go crazy at them!!!

BrokeBrunette

hi, I'm a mum in my mid 40s and have two girls aged 13 and 15.

The eldest can't wait to be 18 because her age is 'boring'. She and I argue about some of the clothes she wears because I think they are too revealing, however she will always back down because she knows deep down I'm right.:D She looks about 17 and this causes a few problems sometimes.

I'm lucky in as much that she is only interested in her sport and we have a close knit of friends surrounding this hobby. These friends are non-smoking and anti-drugs and she aspires to be like them.

I know she has never been drunk
but she has admitted to trying a cigarette once and thought it 'disgusting'. Her school friends however are drunk every weekend without fail and some of them have also tried drugs, which are apparantly 'fun'. An ambulance has been called several times where they've been totally legless and very ill. What makes them want to do this? Well apparantly 'it's cool and fun and everyone does it". I know for a fact that some of the parents buy the booze for them :eek: . They are 14 and 15 years old and it totally sickens me.

I've told both my girls when they are old enough I will happily pick them up from a nightclub and I'm fully expecting them to get drunk at some point - just not yet!!!!

Bringing up teenagers in this day is and age is totally different to when I was younger and I'm trying to compromise, however I feel in the minority sometimes when I hear what other kids are allowed to get up to. Some of them are coming home at 1am, and I don't care what anyone says it's ridiculous to allow such youngsters out at that time of night when they are so young - or am I just a prude

mummy_Jay

Brokenbrunette, your no prude, you sound like a dream mum, you seem to have found a good balance between safe and letting them grow up.

chugalug

You're absolutely not a prude. IMO, 'letting' children have more freedom is from the 'I can't be bothered' school of parenting. Setting (and sticking) to boundaries requires effort and consistency - something sadly lacking in many households.

My kids did push boundaries (had to collect DD from the youth club once as she was drunk - at 14:eek:) BUT, they had to learn that actions have consequences and sometimes these were not very nice to live with. Kids will make mistakes, they will get into trouble and they will push boundaries, a parents job is to be there to help them face up to the results. Thats what growing up and maturing is all about. Perhaps its maturity thats missing?? Realising that you can't have everything your own way, always, with no comeback................

lab-lover

Mother, 39, one DD.

When I see girls in groups dressed to the nines (so they think) it makes me sad and worried. Some near us just seem to hang around thick of make-up, lambrini in one hand and cigarette in the other, swearing, and I cant helpbut think what do their parents think about it?

I think its all down to lack of self-respect and probably not much guidance from their parents. My dd is nearly 11 and has no interest in hanging about with some of her friends who are starting to dress up and hang about the shops cos in my opinion she is too young anyway. But on the other hand i worry she will be left out or maybe seen as a bit snobby ( shes not, shes just a bit shy shy and quiet natured). So parental guidance and lack of respect would be my guess.

As for the girls giving boys you know whats in toilets for a fiver, theres a name for girls like that. Its an absolute disgrace.