Please help

theoretica

NewUserName wrote: »

He would never talk about this to people. He doesn't have many friends and wouldn't dare talk about it to his family as he's told them and they're all delighted.

So he hasn't anyone but you to vent to? How about talking to a stranger such as family counselling? It isn't just for divorce...

Primrose

He's obviously unhappy at having a situation thrust upon him over which he,s had no control. I think anybody would feel like this. But he's told his family so is at least admitting to some kind of responsibility for what has happened.

There's no point in you continuing to argue about it. You appear to have decided against a termination so the baby is going to be a fait accompli apparently. Have you unemotionally asked him if he would prefer to move out until he can work out where he wants to be on this issue? Maybe this would help him clear his thoughts on the way forward and remove some of the tension which currently exists between you.

Angry_Bear

NewUserName wrote: »

I asked if he thought he'd hurt the baby and he said no.

This seems like a really odd question to me, is there more to this than you've said?

geminilady

Angry_Bear wrote: »

This seems like a really odd question to me, is there more to this than you've said?

It is not an odd question some men think having sex will hurt the baby the OP was just checking that was not the case.

sooty&sweep

Have you asked him what he does want ?

Bottom line you are pregnant & you don't want an abortion.

These things very rarely happen to plan !

So he needs to decide is he with you or not on this.

If he's not I know it will be hard on you but better to know sooner rather than later.

I hope it works itself out & he's just in shock from discovering he's going to be a daddy rather sooner than he planned.

All the best

Jen xxx

Angry_Bear

geminilady wrote: »

It is not an odd question some men think having sex will hurt the baby the OP was just checking that was not the case.

Ah, the curse of formatting, I'd read it as a question relating to why he didn't want the baby rather than in relation to the paragraph about being distant about sex!
Silly of me - when I read it again it seems obvious.

heartbreak_star

I'm wondering if he's feeling forced into fatherhood?

HBS x

BucksLady

OP, from what you have said, your partner seems very volatile. This is a time when he should be offering you support and looking for a way forward. You sound like a nice lady and I'm sure many of us here feel that you deserve better than that.

Soot2006

Deep breaths all round. He was obviously harbouring real anxiety about the situation and then cracked and it all came out. Better now than later, to be honest. He probably feels like he is starting a new life with prospects and worries that a baby will now change everything and ruin all the plans and that means he;s failed at everything and has no control and and and and == DEEP BREATHS!

I would recommend being as clinical as you can. He will be a father; he cannot run away from that. But give him options: e.g. live apart for a while for some space; visit Relate for some professional advice; try to find a way through it together.