urgent help/advise needed

iammumtoone

Please be kind I am at my wits end sitting here crying my eyes out.

I don't know what to do some of you will have read my previous posts about how difficult my son can be at home.

This holiday has been a nightmare. at the moment my son was with my Dad he has taken him away on holiday for the week. I have just had a phone call he is bringing him home as he has trashed the caravan in a fit and screaming to come home. My Dad will be returning to his holiday as he has paid alot of money for it so I can't blame him.

I have no childcare sorted for this week as I was expecting my son not to be here.

I can't ask friends to have him it is unfair on them as I can't trust he will not play up (he just wants to be with me. has done since the start of the holidays he is really put out that I have to go to work every day)

What do i do? I am suppose to be at work in the morning I am so stressed I am at risk of redundancy if I don't turn up that will be my fate sealed and then what do I do when I claim JSA I can't just not turn up there when he plays up I will get sanctioned.

I just don't know where to turn I can't cope with my son. I have tried I really have I always held onto the hope that it will get easier as he gets older but its only getting worse. If he has it in his mind he is going/not going to do something nothing will change his mind

I know that my son comes before work but in reality its not that easy I have a mortgage and bills to pay.

I really think the best thing for both of us is if I give him up I just can't see any other way out. I can then hold down a job with no issues and hopefully he will be happy as someone else will cope with him better meaning he wont have any more tantrums (he can control himself as he does at school).

KxMx

Re the last paragraph- I suggest calling Social Services to get some help for both of you.

SunnyCyprus

I would firstly suggest that you ask your employer for compassionate leave, and contact your gp regarding your sons health and well being.
Get a few days off work and seek professional help. (This is coming from someone who tried and tried to cope and get on with normal life for as long as possible, in the end I took three weeks off work with stress and spoke to my gp, social services and camhs.)

Phone people and ask for help. Xx

iammumtoone

SunnyCyprus wrote: »

I would firstly suggest that you ask your employer for compassionate leave, very difficult when you are on notice for redundancy I am trying to keep my job not give them an reason to let me go and contact your gp regarding your sons health and well being. Have done for me I am currently on anti depressants for my son it extremely hard to get help as all the professionals do is contact the school who tell them there is nothing wrong I have taken him to speak to people but he will not speak to them just sits there like a mute and if I say anything he takes it out on me when we get home he doesn't want anyone to know how he acts at home - He knows it is wrong to act like he does at deep down he is a good kid and knows right from wrong.
Get a few days off work and seek professional help. (This is coming from someone who tried and tried to cope and get on with normal life for as long as possible, in the end I took three weeks off work with stress and spoke to my gp, social services and camhs.)

Phone people and ask for help. Xx

Thank you I know I need help I also need break this was suppose to be my break.

iammumtoone

KxMx wrote: »

Re the last paragraph- I suggest calling Social Services to get some help for both of you.

In reality what can they do? They can't make my work give me time off work and keep my job.

I know what my sons needs, he needs me, he needs me to stop work and concentrate on him. He tells me all the time that I don't care for him as I go to work and leave him with others (I can't get him to understand I need to work, It doesn't help that a lot of the children in his class mothers don't work) However if I do that it will make it even harder to go back and its not acceptable to the Job Centre (I have been there before) I have to keep going to work especially as I have no external 'evidence' that here is anything wrong.

How am I going to afford to live without work/JSA? he costs a lot as I often have to replace broken items

SunnyCyprus

Believe me, I know it's hard to ask for time off when you're already at risk of losing your job.

Sometimes you absolutely have to just do what's right by your kid, another job will come along, your kid needs you now.

Phone your local camhs team and ask for an emergency meeting. Google your local area's Youth Services team, (that's where I got our initial contact with social services, from there you get to speak to more people).

Search for your local Action for Children team, they can help too.
Xx

iammumtoone

At the moment i just can't see a way out of this mess I do appreciate people are trying to help I will read through again when I am in a better frame of mind.

I need to get myself together. I need to be strong for when my son gets home I need to be able to cope with what will the the mother of all tantrums due to this situation. It will all be my fault as usual I will have no help with him as I am here on my own, sometimes my Dad will come round and help me but he won't today as he is mad that my son had ruined his holiday and hes had to make a six hour round trip to bring him home.

KxMx

Until you ask you don't know what help is available.

ERICS_MUM

How old is your son ?

iammumtoone

KxMx wrote: »

Until you ask you don't know what help is available.

I have tried it even says on the report from the pediatrician that "mother was very disappointed that no help is available to speak to xxx"

I keep ringing chams they see us once, my sons sits there and says nothing, then no more help until I ring again. Nothing gets resolved as he won't speak to them and I am unable to say what the issues are in front of him. Its also a struggle to get him to go there every time that causes us both distress in itself.

You are right I do have to keep trying its just not my style to have to keep pushing and asking when I have already done so.

ERICS_MUM wrote: »

How old is your son ?

He is 10.

Red-Squirrel_2

You are entitled to 'Emergency leave for dependents' I think its called, and I don't think it can be taken into account for redundancy as it would discriminate against women as most carers of dependents are women.

If you are having to come up with childcare unexpectedly at short notice, that counts, and that should give you at least tomorrow to come up with a plan for the rest of the week which will then only be two days. Can you ask to move some annual leave or to take unpaid leave?

I don't know the background with your son, but does he have learning disabilities? Have you got a diagnosis? Have you ever been to the GP on your own and told them you need some help? There are charities that can provide some respite and support depending on what exactly the issues are.

Here's info about emergency leave:
http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=3235

and I've just found the gov.uk page that states it can't be used against you for redundancy:
https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/problems-when-you-take-time-off

I hope this puts your mind at ease a little in terms of the work situation.