How far is too far to commute?

Kayalana99

I'm having a bit of a dilemma ATM. Just a quick background I've started a new evening job that involves a lot of manual lifting. I'm a small female and not the fittest person and with late nights and young children who are off school and full of energy atm and I'm constantly shattered in the day...sure I'll get used to it but these things take time.

My problem is pretty much as soon as I started my job my Husband got a job promotion which on a really good day is 80min drive...most likely more towards 90min on a work day and even longer if any accidents happen...which seem to happen a lot on this particular motorway....

The plan was to move between jobs so 50min for him, 50min for me. Petrol isn't an issue as he gets a company car and it's free for both of us - but it does mean there isn't much time gap between him walking in and me walking out and living between the area and if he is late home, it means I'd have to take kids back to where we are now and have someone have them overnight which again is doable I suppose as it's not too much out of my way on the way to work.

My main issue is I can not find any decent properties in the area, everytime we have seen a property we love it's got snapped up before we get chance to view and now there is really nothing suitable left other then 2 small 2 bed properties which one honestly doesn't have space for a dining table (with me working evenings and him working days you can imagine our free time is limited too)

There are a couple small two beds, that one is in a decent area and good schools, but it really is tiny and with 2 young children I'm just not sure if we would cope with so little space.

I'm not sure if it's best to just suck it up and cope for a year (as in theory we'd look to buy again after that) or wait till something suits us and let him commute in the mean time - as we are getting more towards mid August now all the new properties are starting to have mid Sept dates on them.

I'm just so stressed and tired atm and really would like to just move and get kids settled in school before the new year starts but I feel like we'd be compromising their quality of life too by taking a really small property with a small garden?

selement

It doesn't sound like moving there is ideal right now of there might be childcare issues and nowhere good to go anyway. I've known people with 90 minute commutes, some mind more than others so it's really a personal thing. I would personally try to avoid having a commute of over an hour for example but for some itd be 20 minutes!
I don't think buying an unsuitable house is a good idea because you might run into difficulty selling and get stuck. Could look into renting?

shiny76

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I'm having a bit of a dilemma ATM. Just a quick background I've started a new evening job that involves a lot of manual lifting. I'm a small female and not the fittest person and with late nights and young children who are off school and full of energy atm and I'm constantly shattered in the day...sure I'll get used to it but these things take time.

My problem is pretty much as soon as I started my job my Husband got a job promotion which on a really good day is 80min drive...most likely more towards 90min on a work day and even longer if any accidents happen...which seem to happen a lot on this particular motorway....

The plan was to move between jobs so 50min for him, 50min for me. Petrol isn't an issue as he gets a company car and it's free for both of us - but it does mean there isn't much time gap between him walking in and me walking out and living between the area and if he is late home, it means I'd have to take kids back to where we are now and have someone have them overnight which again is doable I suppose as it's not too much out of my way on the way to work.

My main issue is I can not find any decent properties in the area, everytime we have seen a property we love it's got snapped up before we get chance to view and now there is really nothing suitable left other then 2 small 2 bed properties which one honestly doesn't have space for a dining table (with me working evenings and him working days you can imagine our free time is limited too)

There are a couple small two beds, that one is in a decent area and good schools, but it really is tiny and with 2 young children I'm just not sure if we would cope with so little space.

I'm not sure if it's best to just suck it up and cope for a year (as in theory we'd look to buy again after that) or wait till something suits us and let him commute in the mean time - as we are getting more towards mid August now all the new properties are starting to have mid Sept dates on them.

I'm just so stressed and tired atm and really would like to just move and get kids settled in school before the new year starts but I feel like we'd be compromising their quality of life too by taking a really small property with a small garden?

I used to commute for 90mins+ every day (each way). Within a year it had become pretty tiresome. I was pretty much getting up, going to work, coming home, having dinner and going to bed.

If there was an accident then you could easily double or triple the journey time.

So it is possible, just not much fun. Ended up quitting after 12 months solely due to the commute.

jackyann

You are really too late now to be organising a move for September, so I would let it lie for now.
Your kids are obviously school age and I wonder if another year will make a difference to how you organise child care; I also wonder about your job and how you will feel about it in 6-12 months; and if your other half, once settled into the new job is likely to do the odd 'work at home' day.

Are the kids happy in their current schools? If they are, and you have family nearby, I would, broadly speaking, stick with what you have.

In my experience, hasty moves are often a mistake, especially to places that are expensive and are said to have 'good schools'. Very easy to buy / rent a pig in a poke. I'd use the time to have a good look around (possibly visit at different times of day) see if there are sightly cheaper areas that might suit; find out the exact school situation (these days, sometimes you can move and find there is no space at the local school!).

If the children are still quite young, I wouldn't worry about moving them in the middle of a school year, they usually settle well.

Hope you get used to the job soon!

trailingspouse

What sort of job do you do? Another alternative would be to move closer to husband's work and you find work in that area.

As to commutes - OH was working in India and came home for the weekend once...

PasturesNew

90 minutes is what they expect, I believe, if you're on the dole.

But everybody's experience/route/circumstances are different.

Personally I'd advise you to NOT move half way between jobs, but to pick one location or the other so only one of you is driving. Work out where else you need to be/go and pick a house close to the appropriate job.

If you are both travelling then it makes life even harder as nobody wins.... and if one car's off the road when you both need one, you're stuffed.

Midway .... never works for any choices.

Fireflyaway

Its whatever you personally can tolerate. My husband commutes 2 hours each way. He is always tired but he likes his job and it pays well. However there is no way I'd be able to do the same.
If you move, its going to cause upheaval for everyone and might not be permanent anyway. Once you get going 50 mins compared to 80 isn't much of a difference. I think its better to have one person travelling a longer distance and the other not so much, so that person can pick up the slack at home.

DigForVictory

My commute can be anywhere between 30 & 240 minutes depending on route & time of day. Shall we not mention speed cameras? I'm lucky to have a lot of motorway involved but when getting to that that turns nasty, it's a Long wait.
We make it work by leaving the other half solidly at home. Shocking waste of a worker but no issues about childcare at all, and in case of emergencies he takes Everyone & I remove the extraneous bodies after I've been updated in person.
+1 for do not move in a hurry
+1 for do not move to where you Both have to commute
+1 for children grow, change & adapt - but if you can get by where you are, sit tight. We didn't move until the eldest was 3 months off starting primary but we spent the previous 2 years looking.

Geoff1963

How about your husband stays over near his work some nights a week ? A hotel might be expensive, but maybe a guest house / HMO. On those nights when he has nothing ( / no-one ) to rush home for, he can stay late, and start early, making a better impression. Video-calling to keep in touch - squaddies can read their kids a bed-time story from Iraq.
This will at least get you some breathing space.

Perhaps the staying over can be decided by the weather, a long commute is worse in the dark and rain.

1886

The way I view time spent commuting is that the salary has to justify it.

Would I commute two hours each way for £10k per annum, no.

Would I commute two hours each way for £100k per annum, yes.

I previously had a job six mile from home, it took me about 15 minutes to drive there. After 2.5 years the company relocated, my commute was now 26 miles each way for which I allowed one hour. This coupled with having to work earlies and lates as well as wkends was too much.

The six mile commute was'nt an issue but twenty six miles after sometimes finishing at 23.45 was too much plus the salary did'nt justify the extra miles

Kayalana99

Thanks guys. After my Husband got home today we both sat on laptops and managed to find a place, it's still a two bed and we're going to have to make some changes but it's got decent schools with breakfast/after school club.

I made the choice that as Husband's job is long term and mine is more a stop gap, so he is 40min away which is what he does now anyway, and I'm 55min drive away. I think the idea is to get the kids settled etc and I will find a job near to where he works and then we can look to buy in his work area after we've sold the house so neither will have much of a commute in long run. (we are going to rent right now sorry if I didn't make that clear)

The issue mainly with giving up my job is it pays so well for what it is, but we can afford a drop in pay after the house is sold and we're not paying out for both monthly. It's a shame I couldn't transfer but the hours the local depot's offer wouldn't work around my Husband's hours without childcare and would be a drop in pay meaning we'd be lucky to break even with the amount CC would cost.....

They don't make it easy!