Prenups, or why marry at all?

Angry_Bear

bugslet wrote: »

I never married, never wanted to. Was with Mr Bugs for 19 years when he had an affair.

This could be me. I always assumed if there were ever good tax or financial reasons then we'd get married at the registry office. I've never "got" the whole romantic wedding thing, if you love someone, what difference does a certificate make? (Of course other people feel differently, that's their prerogative).

As it turns out I'm very glad we didn't, as we would have had costly legal proceedings to go through for no value. And my ex was "disorganised", so getting the formal paperwork would have been a chore, and had he decided to try to fight for half my pension or maintenance I could have been much worse off (I doubt he'd have got anything as we don't have children, but you never know and even the court costs would have mounted up). Me sorting everything out and presenting it to him to check and agree to was much simpler - and I was scrupulously fair with splitting our assets.

I never saw any real value in marriage when we were together and I believed it would last forever, and I don't now.

seven-day-weekend

readingfan wrote: »

The OP makes me sad. As human beings, we have love, trust and hope. The list is such a cold way to view marriage. I married the man I loved as I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to stand by his side through thick and thin sharing the good times and the bad. We've been married for over 20 years now and I love him more than ever.

I certainly didn't enter into my marriage thinking about the best way of keeping the man l loved away from my assets (!) or how we'd split the matrimonial home. Maybe I should, but I'd rather think that I was sensible enough to marry a man I could trust not to shaft me in the event of a divorce. That may have been unwise and I am sure there are plenty of people hurrying to tell me hideous stories of love lost and husbands/wives acting badly but I've either been lucky or chose well. Maybe both.

Anyway, we are still together, still love each other and I am very, very glad to call him my husband.

Lovely post. We too married because we loved each other and this year celebrate our 46th wedding anniversary. In the unlikley event of a divorce,we always would have treated each other fairly.

If however,I found myself widow(heaven forbid!) and in the unlikely event of me ever having another relationship,I would endeavour to keep my assets separate; because imho, everything myself and my husband had should be for his amd my family (i;e our son),not someone else's.

Were I ever to get married to someone else, I would sign my house over to my son before the event, so that it was not part of my assets.

pimento

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Were I ever to get married to someone else, I would sign my house over to my son before the event, so that it was not part of my assets.

Dangerous. What if your son gets married and then divorced? Your (his) house would form part of his estate and his ex wife would possibly get half of it and evict you.

Better to keep your house and make a will.

DigForVictory

A prenup to me is a statement that I do not entirely trust the person I intend to marry.
Not sure if it's legally binding (feel free to remind me), but the scars of the issue can break a relationship before it gets to the altar.

When you've found the one person in the universe who makes you happy, or makes you tea exactly how you like it, or however you choose to describe That One, marriage is one of the most traditional ways to keep them nearby.
As I understand it, a prenup is also a traditional way to remove the scales from the eyes of those thinking themselves in love. That and/or a DNA test.

The latter I treat with even more care than a prenup or other gelignite - you can feel very strongly about your child even if it seems somehow they aren't yours. No prenup yet written is as tough as a child's grip on your heart.

seven-day-weekend

pimento wrote: »

Dangerous. What if your son gets married and then divorced? Your (his) house would form part of his estate and his ex wife would possibly get half of it and evict you.

Better to keep your house and make a will.

I would do whatever it took to make sure he got what his father and I had intended for him and if that meant living elsewhere, , then I would.

In actual fact, if I was in a position to get married again,it would mean my beloved husband had died and my son would already have inherited his half of the house (we own it as tenants-in-common),- it would just mean he got the other half a bit early. Until he inherits the whole house it is in a trust in case, as our solicitor said, 'he takes up with some floozie'.

1886

If you don't want to get married but have a partner and want people to think that you're married I have a solution;

A lad I work with has a girlfriend and they have three kids together. She simply changed her surname by deed poll to match his

:T

itchyfeet123

1886 wrote: »

If you don't want to get married but have a partner and want people to think that you're married I have a solution;

A lad I work with has a girlfriend and they have three kids together. She simply changed her surname by deed poll to match his

:T

Ugh. I could be convinced to get married if immigration or financial issues made it make sense. But there is no way in hell I'd change my name.

I find this anecdote a bit surprising, actually, because the people who would be OK with or even eager to take a partner's name are likely to be the people who care about being married.

CRANKY40

I was widowed when my son was 4. My late husband's old age pension is paid to me in the form of widowed parents benefit for my son until my child is 18. If we hadn't been married I would not have received a penny. It also made everything so much easier - I also get a widows pension from the M.O.D. No marriage - no pension.... Ok so hopefully the worst won't happen to most people but it's made our lives easier.

74jax

We got married as we wanted to live together. Had been going out about 8 years. He had his place and I had mine.

He would only get married if we lived together first, I didn't want to live together without being married. Catch 22. We lived together for a year - didn't kill each other, so we got married.

I love being married! Married now 4 years, still feel a newly wed.

I love the commitment, the feeling, calling him my husband, being his wife. However about a year before we moved in together I was on the 'never getting married' camp. My dad was dying and my whole perception of a relationship changed. I wanted my partner to be my husband. So we compromised on a year of living together to see if we could.....

I totally understand why some don't want to get married, as I was one of them.

We DO have a pre nup.

System

I want the man I love and want to share the rest of my life with to be my husband and not my partner and I'd like him to feel the same..