Prenups, or why marry at all?

helcat26

Not going to win the most romantic thread of the year prize.

onomatopoeia99

FBaby wrote: »

You missed what I was trying to say. It's not the signature on the piece of paper, it's the signing to what you could potentially lose by doing so that enters you into another level of commitment.

You are clearly concerned about getting married because of what you know you could lose by doing so. That's fair enough, and indeed, if what you are risking is more important than marriage, don't get married.

What I said would be true whether the other person earned / had less than me, or more. If the other person is wealthier, the risk is eliminated, but I still wouldn't.

bugslet

I never married, never wanted to. Was with Mr Bugs for 19 years when he had an affair.

If I had been married, I would have lost half my business and my house. Because I wasn't, I didn't. He had worked for me for about 5 years and been well paid for doing so, so his contribution to my business had been repaid. He wasn't the one doing 20 hour days, seeing customers, hiring staff, finding premises, getting finance for vehicles, that was all down to me.

The house that is different. If he'd wanted to split in an honourable fashion ( for want of a better word), then he would have had a fair share of it. But following my one and only conversation with the tramp and her question of what he would get from the business (tells you everything), hell would have frozen over before I made myself poor to make her rich.

As it happened, we managed to overcome the almighty mess and go on to have some happy years until he fell ill. As a partner rather than a spouse, I never had any issues negotiating his care nor issues with his will.

Personally I would never want to get married but each to their own.

Edit: looking at onamatopoeia's preceeding comment, I wonder if it's to do with Myers Briggs! I'm an ENTP, but not too far off being an INTP :-)

Poor_Single_lady

This thread makes me sad too.
I also want to send the OP MikePaul all my music collection to get back to the bit at the beginning when all you can think about is that person, when you feel like only they and you exist and you get butterflies in your tummy and you don't want to eat and when they text you and your heart starts beating really quickly.

I know he isn't saying he doesn't feel these things but the finances and the spreadsheets have rather taken over which is quite sad to read.

Having said that we are all different- I think with my heart and maybe would be better off if I thought with my head a bit more like this.

pimento

bugslet wrote: »

Edit: looking at onamatopoeia's preceeding comment, I wonder if it's to do with Myers Briggs! I'm an ENTP, but not too far off being an INTP :-)

Maybe. I'm an enabler, an ESTJ, and was married for 28 years when my husband died. I'm on the route to getting married again three years later. I like being married and I intend to be happy again.

jackieblack

readingfan wrote: »

The OP makes me sad. As human beings, we have love, trust and hope. The list is such a cold way to view marriage. I married the man I loved as I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to stand by his side through thick and thin sharing the good times and the bad. We've been married for over 20 years now and I love him more than ever.

I certainly didn't enter into my marriage thinking about the best way of keeping the man l loved away from my assets (!) or how we'd split the matrimonial home. Maybe I should, but I'd rather think that I was sensible enough to marry a man I could trust not to shaft me in the event of a divorce. That may have been unwise and I am sure there are plenty of people hurrying to tell me hideous stories of love lost and husbands/wives acting badly but I've either been lucky or chose well. Maybe both.

Anyway, we are still together, still love each other and I am very, very glad to call him my husband.

I could have written the above post 5 years ago when we felt exactly as you do. Happily married and planning to grow old together.

5 years later, following my now ex-husband's sudden mid-life crisis, I find myself divorced and with a very different view of marriage

bugslet

pimento wrote: »

Maybe. I'm an enabler, an ESTJ, and was married for 28 years when my husband died. I'm on the route to getting married again three years later. I like being married and I intend to be happy again.

Snap! I was with Mr Bugs for 28 years when he died ( apart from the obvious four months!)

Congratulations to you and the future Mr Pimento!:T

Fireflyaway

Religion. Not so much these days, but there are still people who believe relations outside marriage are wrong and that God wants us to marry. End of the day you can't trust another person 100%. Even the most apparently devoted and trustworthy people can change / hide stuff etc. Very unromantic but I believe you need to know you can survive on your own if need be. Whether that be divorce or the death of a partner. Have some skills so you can work / savings to get by etc.

itchyfeet123

Many of the arguments against marriage are actually arguments against committed long term relationships more generally. If you're seriously looking into marriage, then presumably you're already in a relationship anyway, so you've already prioritised emotion and love over the risk of financial ruin. If people get married in deference to tradition or other not strictly rational reasons, so what? It's no more irrational than any other variety of relationship.

(Weddings, on the other hand...)

onlyroz

From a purely practical point of view, marriage is by far the simplest way of ensuring that your partner is properly financially supported upon your death.


Also, if a relationship fails then the divorce process is more likely to ensure that each person gets a fair division of assets.


As an example, say that you live with a person for 20 years in a house that *they* own. In that time you have a child and give up work or turn down promotions in order to be the primary care-giver of the child. Then the relationship fails. If you are not married then you could be out on your ear with no home, no savings and no pension. If you are married then the divorce process will protect you and legally recognise your contribution to the relationship.


Alternatively, let's say that in the above scenario your partner dies. If you are not married then you could end up out on your ear with no home, no savings and no pension. If you are married then you will inherit the home, savings and pension by default, with no extra legal paperwork involved.