Bills for dementia sufferer

Mojisola

pineapple wrote: »

It used to be quite common for people to struggle even to get a diagnosis. Partly because GPs had other demands and 'nothing could be done anyway'.

The OP needs to pursue this urgently given the progression of the condition.. By the sounds of it, Mum should have already started on meds.

It took me over 18 months to convince the GP that Mum was having problems - for the short time we were in the surgery Mum could give off the appearance of being fine. The GP was quite shocked when she finally gave in and gave Mum the mini test.

Mum was very lucky in that she responded well to the medication and actually improved on them at the beginning and then only declined slowly.

pineapple

Mojisola wrote: »

It took me over 18 months to convince the GP that Mum was having problems - for the short time we were in the surgery Mum could give off the appearance of being fine. The GP was quite shocked when she finally gave in and gave Mum the mini test.

Mum was very lucky in that she responded well to the medication and actually improved on them at the beginning and then only declined slowly.

And not even that test is fool proof. I had one client who passed the test. But he and his wife knew something was wrong. In the end he went private to have a scan - which confirmed their suspicions..They then gave him a trial drug. When the trial ran out, he had huge difficulty getting back on the NHS.

pineapple

troubleinparadise wrote: »

With regard to a potential care home, from the way you have written it sounds as though you are the only involved family member.

If that is the case, look at homes near you. Given the way dementia progresses, living in your old town becomes neither here nor there, and old friends drop away.

This is what happened with me. My father was physically frail and frightened of my mother. I had my own problems and was incapable of looking after them both so it was arranged that they move together to a care home local to me. Except my dad insisted on having his own 'flat'. I remember on moving in day, we were in her room watching a removal van through the window. 'That looks just like my chair', she said. It was. It was the other half of the pair going to my Dad's room

Beenie

There is good advice here, and I thank you all for that.

I am 'early retired on health grounds' myself and receive a small works pension. I have three years to go before state pension kicks in, so money is an issue. The distance between where I live and where my mother lives is costly to travel by either public transport or car. Then there's the overnight accommodation. Remember also that she doesn't have a phone, so I have to write to her to let her know I'm coming, but then she forgets and goes out. Or she has in the past - I was just lucky this time that she was in, staring at her gas bill.

None of this is easy for me, there are no other family members to call on for help, and she has no friends in the area either. She has never discussed her finances, has always been wilful and difficult, and not what you would call 'a good mother' but I don't want to see an old lady living in confusion and squalor. Armed with the info you have given here, I shall be in touch with her area social services, and have written this afternoon to her GP to report what I found on Friday.

Torry_Quine

I hope that you get the answers you need to support your mother

pandy19691

My Grandad is mid-stage alzheimers and it's a struggle to get him to agree to LPA, one day he's happy to do, the next he's forgottena all about it, def get it done ASAP.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Beenie wrote: »

T

None of this is easy for me, there are no other family members to call on for help, and she has no friends in the area either. She has never discussed her finances, has always been wilful and difficult, and not what you would call 'a good mother' but I don't want to see an old lady living in confusion and squalor. Armed with the info you have given here, I shall be in touch with her area social services, and have written this afternoon to her GP to report what I found on Friday.

Sorry the burden is all on you, however family members strongly disagreeing on an elderly relative's care is even worse sadly. Basically, there are no easy decisions or options from now on. Your mother will probably blame you at some point, and take out some of her frustration on you and possibly say some hurtful things. What makes the disease so vicious is it eats away at personality and character.

You'll need to be clear with social services that it's just you, and that you live far away.

pineapple

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

What makes the disease so vicious is it eats away at personality and character.

I used to run luncheon clubs for people with dementia and their families. Many of the former were lovely and friendly the whole distance. But in other instances people can change. One lady I visited lived in fear of her husband and his violent outbursts.

wymondham

My mother doesn't know who I am anymore, talks in jumbled sentences and has to be washed and looked after by her partner. We urged him to consider PoA a year ago but he didn't want to face up to it - we're now starting on the road of Deputyship.... its a hard thing to admit needs doing for all concerned...

teddysmum

I used to be suspicious of direct debit payments for bills (my husband even more adverse), as we had been used to managing our own money and didn't want companies helping themselves from our bank account.


However,everything that can go by direct debit, without a fee,is now paid that way. It has the benefit of predictable payments and not having to remember to pay on time. Some items, like gas and electricity actually work out cheaper, when paid this way and direct debits can entitle you to interest on some or all of the contents of your current account.


The only action on the OP's part would be a need to note when any fixes end and arrange a change of tariff or provider.