Third-Life Crisis

enthusiasticsaver

My DD has a 2 and a half year old DD and is expecting her second in May so I have a bit of a grasp on what baby stuff she found invaluable.

A baby chair, some of them swing to music. Often our granddaughter would sit in one for 20 minutes or so after feeding to make sure she didn't bring any milk up as she was a bit reflexy /colicky. They only last for a few months so borrow one or pick one up second hand.

We get through loads of sudocrem with my DGD but she has never had any sort of nappy rash. Some people just use it at night but we use it during the day too and she prompts us if we have forgotten now she is talking

Normally 6 month deals are not worth bothering about but with so much being paid in interest it may have to be considered. Anything to get that £400 a month down. Keep an eye on the expiry though if the aprs go up to 35% :eek::eek:

savingholmes

You have plenty of stuff for a baby that isn't due for months. Don't forget friends and family will buy stuff for you too - and hopefully you can borrow items. Most of my kids clothes up to about age 10 were other people's cast offs - but some of them were designer or nearly new or still with labels so it was no hardship. You will end up with more toys than you know what to do with - and will make friends with others in a similar position. You can share toys or rotate them. Sometimes libraries even loan them. Charity shops sell cheap books and toys too. You can always make a list of things you would like and suggest people buy/give you one of them.

Compared to the interest you are paying - I would snatch at any 0% deals you can get.

Goingroundincircles

Warmby68 - We did sell the Land Rover. It paid off one parent loan (they needed it back asap) and the rest went towards some other debt. I will certainly take a look at our mortgage options. Are you penalised for making changes during a fixed term deal/asking for a repayment holiday? Thinking about it I have a sneaky suspicion there was a condition of the shared ownership purchase that said it had to be a repayment mortgage - but perhaps that was just when initially making the purchase. Will dig out the paperwork.

M100 - I have posted on the motoring board!! Hopefully someone can help me. You're right though, I do seem to have a problem with going back on my decisions. I mean that in terms of the HP car, interest only mortgage and DMP. I feel as though I've made the bad decisions and need to deal with the consequences rather thinking about whether I can change the decision in any way. I guess I don't like the thought of asking for help and would rather struggle on. I'm also really wary of getting 'bad marks' on my file. I know our credit rating isn't high but there are at least (currently) no missed payments or defaults. This way of thinking maybe isn't helpful.

Enthusiasticsaver - thanks, will add them to the list!

Savingholmes - I know it may seem awfully early to have all those bits but if we hadn't taken advantage of that christmas gift money we'd have wasted it on things we didn't need and been left with lots of costs nearer the time! It also meant we took advantage of the sales. And we have some very excited grandparents who couldn't wait to start buying us things! I like the idea of a sort of gift list. That way if anyone offers to get us anything we'll be able to ask for something useful. Thanks for the tips on charity shops etc, we love bargain hunting!

Goingroundincircles

Just had a minor heart attack when OH casually mentioned he'd booked to have his windscreen replaced on Monday. It does need doing, it has a giant crack and he does a lot of driving, but all I could think was where are we going to get the money from.
So I totalled up his Feb earnings which we'll be using for the Mar budget. Thankfully there is enough for our basic budget, the windscreen and £50 each for spending. There is then £40 left for extra debt repayment plus anything else we can make selling things/doing surveys etc. I may not even need my £50 because I have no plans.

Feeling better now.

I'm spending the weekend at Champney's with friends. It's our 30th birthday celebration. Luckily (?) this was paid for at the end of last summer and includes all meals, so technically a no spend weekend. I could have booked a treatment as all my friends have done this week, but I found some willpower from somewhere and decided relaxing by the pool was enough for me.

Have a good weekend all.

wishingthemortgaheaway

I've just been reading your diary and thought I'd share our experiences of child care costs with you, it might help you plan a little bit.

In terms of childcare, we use a Childminder for 3 days a week who charges £35 a day (she is very cheap, even in our area - the nursery we looked at was £42 a day)
We use the 'tax- free childcare account' system as hubby is self employed. I pay £86 a week in government top it up to £105.
I believe that the Work based, salary sacrifice childcare voucher schemes are closing to new members in April of this year. But, you oh can't access them as he's self employed, so you'd only be able to access them and that may not be enough to cover your costs.


Also this article from the nct is about 'safe sleeping'
https://www.nct.org.uk/parenting/sleeping-safely-cot
As I notice from the list you've posted earlier that you've got a crib with 'bumper' (I've tried to find a 'not to make you too paranoid' article)

Also, my great tip is to pre warm the Moses basket/cot/Pram with a hot water bottle before you put baby down as it's then less of a shock going from nice warm snuggly arms to cot.

Good luck with your journey.

wishingthemortgaheaway

Sorry, me again... just looking at your list;

If bottle feeding (and I may not be totally correct here, I exclusively bf a bottle refuser for 6 months,)
Bottles, steriliser Little pots to put formula in, thermos flask for taking hot water out and about.
Lots of people swear by the perfect prep machines, however I think they are a convenience not a necessity and my friend swore it didn't help her child's constipation. However they do seem popular.

If bfeeding: a pump - I wholeheartedly recommend the madela swing. (Easily got second hand) I also bought a pack of microwaveable sterilising bags as I didn't actually have to sterilise that much.
I expressed loads and froze it all as small refused bottles full stop but didn't always drink his fill. I managed to avoid mastistis by sig the pump.

Definitely recommend a bouncy chair thing, but it doesn't have to be fancy. I paid £3 for a basic one second hand and it lived in the bathroom, so small sat in it while I was in the shower. (Only lasted about 6 months until he decided to attempt a break out)

A play mat/ baby gym is also good, great thing to ask for as a gift. Pretty sure the life span is less than 6 months on it too.

You can never have too many Muslins.

We have a nappy wrapper bin (bought at the Aldi baby event) it was a want, not a need, but I love it, lives in his bedroom, I empty it while hubby does bath time. Downstairs nappies get put straight in the bin

Later a jumperoo is awesome - do not buy new, they are £60plus new, or £25-£30 second hand, I bought second hand and sold on for what I paid for it.

Tiny babies do not need many toys, in fact I began to think I was doing the complete opposite to spoiling my child when I took him to a friend's house for a play date and the child had way more toys than my son. The next morning he spent 20 minutes playing with a wet wipe packet.

I wouldn't recommend massively stocking up in nappies until you know baby's size. We found 'the leading brand' utterly useless and leaked everywhere, good old Aldi to the rescue. Also, even from being small we used the 'plus' size at night as we needed the extra absorbency. So for example he's in size 5 nappies now during the day, but 5+ at night.

Also, remember you will get child benefit too, £82.80 every 4 weeks. That really helps. I now save £30 of it and the £50 pays for swimming lessons and shoes.
When he was tiny it paid for baby groups mostly.

Magpie100

'You're right though, I do seem to have a problem with going back on my decisions. I mean that in terms of the HP car, interest only mortgage and DMP. I feel as though I've made the bad decisions and need to deal with the consequences rather thinking about whether I can change the decision in any way. I guess I don't like the thought of asking for help and would rather struggle on. I'm also really wary of getting 'bad marks' on my file. I know our credit rating isn't high but there are at least (currently) no missed payments or defaults. This way of thinking maybe isn't helpful.'

I've highlighted this because I think it's a really important insight for you. I hope it helps that you have written it down and recognised it. No one likes asking for help - but often it's the best way forward. Everyone (including me) is on these boards to learn from other people - remember, you aren't just 'asking' and 'taking' by being here - you are helping others by sharing your experiences. Far far worse would be to let some misguided notion of fixing it all yourself stop you from dealing with this.

It might be that you can't make any changes to some of the decisions you have already made, but at least you will have explored the options and will know you have done all you can. The more flexible you are in your thinking, the better. It's tough to say 'I made the wrong decision', but it's far better to acknowledge it, own it, and do all you can to correct it. I think you are managing to change your attitude to these things though - so well done. It's hard, and it takes time, but you CAN do it.

Goingroundincircles

Thanks Wishingthemortgageaway, some really useful tips there. I had no idea that cot bumpers could be a risk!! I'd also forgotten about child benefit when thinking about my post baby budget so that £80 will be a massive help! Someone actually offered me a free jumperoo at the weekend so we'll definitely take them up on that

And thank you M100, I definitely felt like I'd hit the nail on the head. I like to think I'm sensible and know it all when very clearly that is not the case. It's made such a difference being able to talk things through on here, rather than burying my head in the sand.

Goingroundincircles

Hire Purchase Car:

Here are the figures (I've just posted this on my Motoring Board post) but wondered if anyone here had any thoughts. My issue in all cases is we have no savings to buy a car now, nor will we in two years time! At the moment all I can see is a cycle of HP cars until we've repaid the debt and can start actually saving...

"The general gist is I must make 48 payments of £170.99 from Sep 2016 onwards followed by a final payment of £5,740.20. It looks as though the total cost including interest is £18,117.73 and it does state that I have the right to terminate the contract by returning the vehicle after having paid 50% (£9,058.86).

I'm not sure the numbers quite add up as I paid a £3,300 deposit, the garage contributed £1,400, the final payment is £5,740.20 and 48 months of £170.99 is £8,207.52 which I total as £18,647.72.

The important figure is I must have currently paid £7,777.82 meaning I'm £1,281.04 from having paid 50%. That's nearly another 8 months of payments. Am I right?

So my question is, what's the best way to deal with these things? Obviously I should have thought it through before I took it out but here we are. It's not that I desperately need out of the contract I'm just weighing up my options as someone with no spare money at the end of the month and with a lot of other debt to repay.
If I do end the contract early I will obviously be car-less and have no savings to buy another. Am I better off seeing it through, although I'll have no savings to pay the final payment and be able to keep the car at the end of the 48 months? Or cutting my loses?

These HP things are awful, I'm basically paying a lot of money to hire a car and will have nothing to show for it at the end of 4 years and £12,000... Silly me."

enthusiasticsaver

You are correct. These HP deals or PCP deals for cars are expensive and inflexible. The cheapest way to buy one if you haven't saved or have one to part exchange is to either use a 0% credit card or low rate personal loan. Given the amount of debt you have already though I am not sure that is an option. Have you approached the dealer you used to see if there is a way of either making it cheaper or for clarification of when you can get out of the deal?

I think it was Nik Nak who bought her way out of one of these car deals.

I honestly think getting out of it asap is the best idea and getting a fairly cheap car using 0% credit card or savings or low rate personal loan if any options open to you. Can you manage without a car?