Advice on how to get my brother to move out

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This is the first time I've ever wrote on a blog so I will try to keep it on topic but will give a bit of background.

To put the situation into perspective. Im 26 years old and live in my mother and fathers house. I also share it with my older brother and sister. Im from a fairly large family and all of us have jobs and have been to university. I currently work 3 part time jobs and which means I could work 40 -50 hours a month.

My issue is my brother.
He is 30 years old and works as an assistant manager at a shop. He works long hours and when he gets home he makes himself an alcoholic drink and sits down and tells my parents all about his day and his woes. Then goes to bed early hours of the morn and snores really loudly.

My mother is partially sighted with half her vision left and has diabetes, she cooks and cleans up after my dad (as she always has). My dad is diabetic, has severely shakey hands and is un-steady on his feet if he stands up for more than a few minutes. They are both pensioner age and have allowed us 3 to still live with them. We all give keep/ rent at the end of the month and I always give extra if I feel like the elec/ water/ gas bills have been a little high that month.

Did I mention my mother also cooks, cleans up after my brother as well?
She irons his work shirts, goes into his mess of a room to collect wet towels (after he floods the bathroom geting a bath) or his work clothes for the next day, prepares his meals for when he gets home, washes his clothes... I've said to my mother she needs to let him be an adult and do all of this himself and the only thing she is not yet doing for him is feeding him with a spoon and wiping his backside.

He works a job that I know he hates and has a girlfriend of 3 or more years that he likes to splash money on but they always seem to argue.
Whenever I argue with him over our mum having to clean up after him it almost always end with us nearly coming to blows.

He thinks nothing of calling me/ my sister everything vile under the sun and telling me to kill myself. He doesn't mean it but he does it because he knows it will get a reaction. He also likes to stand in areas you need to get to and not move and then grab my wrists when I try to physically move him because he ignores me asking- which then escalates into a fight. We are all very stubborn (and my mother raised all of her girls to have a backbone and stand up for ourselves. Which was needed with 4 brothers)

My mother struggles to get up and down the stairs and sleeps downstairs in the living room with my dad.
They have nowhere else to go when he (brother) wants to sit and drink and talk until 2am!
I'm worried my mother is going to fall or get hurt cleaning up after him and I'm pulling my hair out and nearly in tears arguing with her about it.

Me and my sister cook our own meals and try to do healthy meals at least once a week that we leave plates of food for our parents. I've even left one for my brother even though saying we do NOT get along is a big understatement.

We take her out shoping, do all DIY in the house, clean up after ourselves and do our own washing. We take them to doctors appointments, pick up their medicine and help out where we can. She does nothing for us but let us stay in her home and use her kitchen- which is fine. Us 2 girls basically live upstairs.

I want my brother to move out. He causes all the stress, mess and arguements in the house and throws his weight around if he can't find something or gets refused. How do I make him leave or convince my mother (my dad knows he should leave) to tell him to go (or all of us to go if necessary)

When me and my brother argue he tells me how I work a sh*t job that pays sh*t and I should just go kill myself. Hes adament hes on good money/ salary. I tell him if his job is so great he should move out instead of mummy taking care of him.

I want to stay living here because I want to make sure my mum and dad are looked after and someone is there with them to help but my brother just makes it so hard to live here. I don't feel like I can move in the house when he is here as depending on his mood I only need to walk into a room for an arguement to start. He is an overgrown child who does loves to antagonise.

Please help me/ us!!!
I don't want to move out and he stay or he will never leave and he does nothing for them.
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  • BrassicWoman
    BrassicWoman Posts: 3,206 Forumite
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    What do your parents want?
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  • tacpot12
    tacpot12 Posts: 8,091 Forumite
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    You will never change him or your mother. You can only change yourself.
    The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.
  • Diary
    Diary Posts: 591 Forumite
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    You must be making the atmosphere terrible for your mum and dad. Time to do as they taught you - grow a backbone and put on your big girl pants and move out. You're old enough.
    Master Apothecary Faranell replied, “I assure you, overseer, the Royal Apothecary Society dearly wishes to make up for the tragic misguidance which ended so many lives. We will cause you no trouble. We seek only to continue our research in peace".
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,348 Forumite
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    Will your parents be happy in that house for much longer? Sounds like it might be worth thinking of where they will live in the long term, as it can be easier to adjust to a move earlier rather than later on. They might be better off in a bungalow or retirement property.
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    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
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  • Energize
    Energize Posts: 509 Forumite
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    Diary wrote: »
    You must be making the atmosphere terrible for your mum and dad. Time to do as they taught you - grow a backbone and put on your big girl pants and move out. You're old enough.

    Agreed....
  • -taff
    -taff Posts: 14,596 Forumite
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    Your parents can ask him to go if they want, but I expect if they ask him, they'll have to ask you too or it would be unfair.

    Move out yourself, tehn your sister may move , then they can ask him to leave if they want to.
    Shampoo? No thanks, I'll have real poo...
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,186 Forumite
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    Tricia37 wrote: »
    This is the first time I've ever wrote on a blog so I will try to keep it on topic but will give a bit of background.

    To put the situation into perspective. Im 26 years old and live in my mother and fathers house. I also share it with my older brother and sister. Im from a fairly large family and all of us have jobs and have been to university. I currently work 3 part time jobs and which means I could work 40 -50 hours a month.

    My issue is my brother.
    He is 30 years old and works as an assistant manager at a shop. He works long hours and when he gets home he makes himself an alcoholic drink and sits down and tells my parents all about his day and his woes. Then goes to bed early hours of the morn and snores really loudly.

    My mother is partially sighted with half her vision left and has diabetes, she cooks and cleans up after my dad (as she always has). My dad is diabetic, has severely shakey hands and is un-steady on his feet if he stands up for more than a few minutes. They are both pensioner age and have allowed us 3 to still live with them. We all give keep/ rent at the end of the month and I always give extra if I feel like the elec/ water/ gas bills have been a little high that month.

    Did I mention my mother also cooks, cleans up after my brother as well?
    She irons his work shirts, goes into his mess of a room to collect wet towels (after he floods the bathroom geting a bath) or his work clothes for the next day, prepares his meals for when he gets home, washes his clothes... I've said to my mother she needs to let him be an adult and do all of this himself and the only thing she is not yet doing for him is feeding him with a spoon and wiping his backside.

    He works a job that I know he hates and has a girlfriend of 3 or more years that he likes to splash money on but they always seem to argue.
    Whenever I argue with him over our mum having to clean up after him it almost always end with us nearly coming to blows.

    He thinks nothing of calling me/ my sister everything vile under the sun and telling me to kill myself. He doesn't mean it but he does it because he knows it will get a reaction. He also likes to stand in areas you need to get to and not move and then grab my wrists when I try to physically move him because he ignores me asking- which then escalates into a fight. We are all very stubborn (and my mother raised all of her girls to have a backbone and stand up for ourselves. Which was needed with 4 brothers)

    My mother struggles to get up and down the stairs and sleeps downstairs in the living room with my dad.
    They have nowhere else to go when he (brother) wants to sit and drink and talk until 2am!
    I'm worried my mother is going to fall or get hurt cleaning up after him and I'm pulling my hair out and nearly in tears arguing with her about it.

    Me and my sister cook our own meals and try to do healthy meals at least once a week that we leave plates of food for our parents. I've even left one for my brother even though saying we do NOT get along is a big understatement.

    We take her out shoping, do all DIY in the house, clean up after ourselves and do our own washing. We take them to doctors appointments, pick up their medicine and help out where we can. She does nothing for us but let us stay in her home and use her kitchen- which is fine. Us 2 girls basically live upstairs.

    I want my brother to move out. He causes all the stress, mess and arguements in the house and throws his weight around if he can't find something or gets refused. How do I make him leave or convince my mother (my dad knows he should leave) to tell him to go (or all of us to go if necessary)

    When me and my brother argue he tells me how I work a sh*t job that pays sh*t and I should just go kill myself. Hes adament hes on good money/ salary. I tell him if his job is so great he should move out instead of mummy taking care of him.

    I want to stay living here because I want to make sure my mum and dad are looked after and someone is there with them to help but my brother just makes it so hard to live here. I don't feel like I can move in the house when he is here as depending on his mood I only need to walk into a room for an arguement to start. He is an overgrown child who does loves to antagonise.

    Please help me/ us!!!
    I don't want to move out and he stay or he will never leave and he does nothing for them.

    I can only suggest that you all move out, you can't expect your brother too and you stay (cheaper loving cost).
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    To me it sounds as if the house is getting too much for your parents - instead of trying to get your brother to move out, it might be better to encourage your parents to look for a new home for THEMSELVES - just the two of them. A bungalow or a ground floor flat perhaps?

    If they own their own home, then start looking on rightmove, at 1-2 bedroomed bungalows/houses and show the results to your parents.

    Of course, this will mean that you, your sister and your brother will have to find your own accommodation, but that shouldn't be a problem to 2 young women who have been brought up to have backbones - well done mum and dad, and well done you two. Your brother will just have to grow up.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,765 Forumite
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    There's a lot of what you want but not so much about what your parents want.
    In fact you say you argue with your Mother about it.

    The reality is that your brother has just as much right to live in the family home as you and your sister do.

    It's their house and it's up to them to set house rules (even at this late stage) or put up with it.
  • Ozzuk
    Ozzuk Posts: 1,884 Forumite
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    Time to stand on your own, unless there is more to the story you are hardly working (40-50hours a month) so are achieving this by living cheaply at home? If so, get a proper job, move out and set an example to your brother - perhaps he's annoyed he works long hours and you have so much time off?

    Doesn't excuse his behavior, but if you can't change him, change your circumstance and your dependency on parents/his behavior.
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