So desperate - so ashamed - just don't know what to do .... no way out

skintscotslass

Honey, please go and see your GP. I think you probably are depressed. Your GP should be able to arrange counselling. You might want to think about medication as well. I was a bit hesitatant about taking medication. Made me think I was more of a failure than I already was etc, but its worked for me.

I might see you at 3 am. I've got insomnia at the moment too xx

supersavershal

Louise, you will come through this.Have you asked your health visitor to help with your sons peeing issues.They are very good at this.Nothing wrong with a glass of wine to help wind down.I had one last night though and had an allergic reaction, had a big red swollen face, thats the only time ive thought twice about a second glass.Take care.Post as much as you like (after your good nights sleep) there will always be someone here for you, we have broad shoulders.love and hugs shal

jazzybabes

Hi, Never posted before but after reading your post felt I had to, Listen, you may feel life is an uphill struggle but I am sure reading the posts here that you have many friends caring about you and will offer lots of love and caring.

I know how you are feeling as I too feel sometimes there is no way out, and I am sure there are many others who have been there as well, but ther is a way out, DONT GIVE UP, BE STRONG if only for your little one.

You will look back in many years to come and laugh at the memories of your little boy and his wee antics I PROMISE, and you will look back at this horrible time and say to yourself that was a horrible time but its made me the stronger person i am today.

BE STRONG, take good care of yourself and you will win XX

orpheus

Hey there

I feel it too. You are NOT alone. Have been doing absolutely eveything required of me by my creditors with my DMP, never missed a payemnt, ever - in 2 years, but they are still hounding me and driving me towards bankrupcy. I too am drinking too much and can't see the end. I live alone, so envy you your son and family problems you have, I would love the distraction from myself and the mess I have made of my life!

I have been to the dark side - at present it'sjust cold sweats in the middle of the night, but managing a few hours sleep a night. It WILL come round, and round again and again, but PLEASE try and take a step back - You are normal - I am for sure, you're just a good person doing your very best.

I'm rooting for you, thats the best I have to offer, but please ask the many wise sages on this site for some real advice - this is a rich free souurce of help and support - all the best - Orp x

Dumb_Blonde_3

Morning all - I feel like such an idiot - I'm totally okay now. I think yesterday was such a real nightmare of a day and when husband got home and started ranting that was it - I just snapped - someone asked if I go out and socialise much - I do go to lots of kiddie groups and I usually have friends over twice a week for lunch with their kids - like yesterday. I could also have a touch of the 'holiday blues' too as we just got back from Corfu on Monday and it was wonderful but we are now in October and the nights are drawing and then there was rain on tuesday. So anyway I was in Tesco's doing a shop on Wednesday and have decided to do a Halloween party for my son and his friends - thats something to keep my mind occupied - I love having parties - its not going to be as big as his first birthday - I think we had about 100 - 120 people - I lost count there were people everywhere - it was such a wonderful day - it started at 4pm and there were still people milling around gone midnight.

I do have so much to look forward to - I have a job interview on Wednesday - just a little part time admin job I so hope I get it - 1) I could do with the money as husband says - am so good at spending it and 2) I need to do something else thats just for me.

This morning I am taking the little one to a big soft play area and then in the afternoon I am off out to buy a suit - I love wearing suits even though most offices are casual - I think I miss that - getting dressed up for work.

Saturday son and husband off to gym & creche and then he will take son swimming while I finish unpacking and do the cleaning. Sunday is going to be great - we are taking son on a Thomas day out - he is so going to love it the fact that we are going to ride in a real Thomas train.

Monday I've got the girls over from my ante-natal group we all take it in turns to do Mondays and if the weather is nice I'll get a bouncy castle delivered and the kids will love that. Tuesday again another set of friends are coming over - Wednesday I'll have to go out - oh no I can't I've got the interview in the morning - thursday I'm going to a playgroup with some friends and the same on friday - so thats me sorted.

Well I had better go and check out some job websites and then I'm off to Tescos as I need to get some more supplies for the party - I keep thinking of more people that I need to invite - I must remember that they are all going to be inside my house this time and not in the garden - I really need to cap it. I must find a nice costume for the party for me and my son - tescos have got some really good ones !!!!

pania

hiya dumb blonde, good to hear you feeling a bit chirpier now you've had some sleep, don't ever feel silly we all have really down moments sometimes and we are always here, party sounds like fun, DS sounds gorgeous. Please still have a chat with the doc if your moods continue to change, maybe an idea to rule PND out once and for all.
Good luck for the job interview. xx

Dumb_Blonde_3

I hope you guys don't think I'm a total idiot - as I'm usually so together - its been a tough year - I didn't need husband going off on one last night thats for sure - he gets to go out to the office 3 days a week (he works from home the other 2 days which is why I'm really hoping to get a part time job on these 2 days).

The thing about the potty training - bless my son I think I was a bit upset by my friends reaction - okay so it was her daughter that brought 'it' over in his play jug - she was like where did you get that water from and my son (not being able to speak at the moment) pointed to his w!lly - I was shocked and told him he must use his potty but I realised that he couldn't see his potty as it was shut behind the door - her daughter had shut the door on it - so I guess rather than wee all over the floor/carpet he wee'd in any old 'pot' he could find. But she said to me - god your calm if that was me I would have really lost it ....... as if to say give him a good telling off - but her daughter is 3 and son has only just turned 2 so he is doing well and I would have gone mad if he had just done it on the floor but he didn't - bless him.

Dumb_Blonde_3

I am also planning on losing weight and I'm going to start running again - I first started running on the 1st of December as its lovely to go out around and see all the christmas lights - its takes the mind off the pain and as the nights are getting darker no one will be able to see me puff and pant my way around the block !!!! But tonight (if not too tired) will go for a run

pania

no we don't think you're stupid at all, see my post for last night for comparisson purposes!! felling just as crappy right now we are all entitled to hon. bless DS and the pot, it sounds like he's got it cracked, amazes me how some people are so quick to scold their kids when the child has actually done the best it can in the circumstances so maybe your friend was a little harsh on that one. Good for you with the weightloss. take a look at the party season challenge thread or hop over to our running club if you fancy.
Good luck and keep that chin up. xx

Dumb_Blonde_3

Hi Pania - I was just over on your thread - I haven't read it all (I will do when I get a chance as I can hear my son singing away in his cot to his teddies) I guess we were both feeling pretty $h!tty yesterday. I think I will have a look at the running club - and as for the party season challenge - I don't have a job (yet) so no parties for me ;-(( ....... but wait a minute maybe I can throw son and his friends a christmas party as all the little playgroups close early in December and I know some mums will be despairing as to what to do - so maybe I will get to wear something nice after all ....... I heard what you said about wearing the joggers and I can totally relate to it - I've just binned several pairs of the things as I'm going to try and make more of an effort with my appearance