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Bank of mum and dad

edited 19 July 2017 at 10:25AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
46 replies 12K views
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  • SystemSystem
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    Judge Rinder would 'tut tut'.

    Judge Rinder's got nothing on this board :rotfl:

    OP it boils down to the fact that you simply can't afford it. It does seem unfair to penalise your other son for the wrongdoings of his brother and sister, but you're not in a position to be able to lend him money.

    Graham Norton in his agony uncle slot on the radio always advises to not lend money, - GIVE money, if you can afford to and you're happy to, but never lend or assume you'll ever get the money back. I am beginning to think that might be sound advice!
  • mamanmaman Forumite
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    avogadro wrote: »

    Graham Norton in his agony uncle slot on the radio always advises to not lend money, - GIVE money, if you can afford to and you're happy to, but never lend or assume you'll ever get the money back. I am beginning to think that might be sound advice!
    Gifts and loans are very different beasts.

    One of the key elements of a loan are terms to make legally collectible and have termination conditions,

    Like if we(or you) die it is payable in full(ie. comes of their share of the estate).
    Like a min monthly payment and a max end date.

    It seems I'm in accord with Graham Norton!

    I wouldn't lend but I would give.

    I have to agree that OP doesn't seem to be in a position to do either.
  • Loz01Loz01 Forumite
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    Just say no to all of them - tell them you're sick and tired of doling out money, you can't afford it and they never pay you back so thats it. Bank is shut. If they want money they can get a loan or find a second job. Its not up to you to be a free cash point, even tho they are your kids.
  • ArchergirlArchergirl Forumite
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    Gilead wrote: »
    Inform the two who owe outstanding money that they have x months to repay it as you need it. See what they say and adjust the repayments accordingly. I would be absolutely livid if someone had pleaded poverty then booked a holiday - it would not be on and I would be making that point to them.

    You have done a very nice thing for them, and deserve the respect of having it repaid.

    I totally agree with this, make sure you give the children????? a deadline by which you need the money to be paid, they are taking the p***
  • FireflyawayFireflyaway Forumite
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    I wouldn't lend money to anyone unless I didn't want or need it back because you can never be sure its going to come back. Maybe if your kids knew the severity of your situation they might restart the payments they owe?
    If you can't afford to lend again just say so. I'm sure your kids will understand and wouldn't want you to struggle just to make their lives easier.
    This post has made me think. I have borrowed so much from my parents. It was always for essentials, not luxuries or holidays but... I probably didn't have the money because I'd not budgeted well. I do feel guilty and feel the time has come for me to try and repay them. Maybe your kids are like me? A bit embarrassed and trying to avoid the subject?
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    Loz01 wrote: »
    Just say no to all of them - tell them you're sick and tired of doling out money, you can't afford it and they never pay you back so thats it. Bank is shut. If they want money they can get a loan or find a second job. Its not up to you to be a free cash point, even tho they are your kids.
    But the OP has already said 'yes' to 2 of his children.

    I've never been in a position to need to borrow money but my sister is in a different financial position to me.

    I've never begrudged my parents lending her money (because the money is theirs and it's none of my business) but if I was financially 'in the dire' (to quote the OP) and had asked my parents to lend me some money (knowing that they had already loaned 2 of my siblings money) and was told 'no', I might well feel treated unfairly.

    I think this has the potential to create bad feeling throughout the family.
  • cheskychesky Forumite
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    I'm very luckily in a position where I could lend my children (or grandchildren) money if they had problems. But I would make sure that all could be treated equally so I wouldn't leave myself in the situation where I couldn't help my son because his sister had 'got in first' or vice versa.
    And I most certainly would be on the warpath if they'd chosen to treat themselves to a holiday rather than repay me. Not that they would.
  • ska_loverska_lover Forumite
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    id stop lending money to them OP, its time you looked after yourself a bit more x
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    I've never begrudged my parents lending her money (because the money is theirs and it's none of my business) but if I was financially 'in the dire' (to quote the OP) and had asked my parents to lend me some money (knowing that they had already loaned 2 of my siblings money) and was told 'no', I might well feel treated unfairly.

    Even if you knew your parents couldn't afford to give you a loan?
  • mamanmaman Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    But the OP has already said 'yes' to 2 of his children.

    I've never been in a position to need to borrow money but my sister is in a different financial position to me.

    I've never begrudged my parents lending her money (because the money is theirs and it's none of my business) but if I was financially 'in the dire' (to quote the OP) and had asked my parents to lend me some money (knowing that they had already loaned 2 of my siblings money) and was told 'no', I might well feel treated unfairly.

    I think this has the potential to create bad feeling throughout the family.

    I agree and I think OP would too. Unfortunately this third child has asked at the 'wrong' time when OP is short of money exacerbated by the two siblings still owing from their loans.
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