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Bank of mum and dad

edited 19 July 2017 at 10:25AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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Muscle750Muscle750 Forumite
1.1K posts
edited 19 July 2017 at 10:25AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
We have four grown up kids all left home, throu no fault of her own we went down to just one wage coming in due to ill health for a number of months which as a result ate all or the little we had in savings etc. Weve sailed pretty close to the wind on numerous occasions althou every bill is paid and we have no arrears on anything. Our youngest son borrowed some money now well over 18 months ago and has been always coming up with excuses about paying it back yet has just started. One daughter borrowed some also and has paid back some of it but stopped. Now the other son has asked to borrow some money as they are financially in the dire for a few months althou his wife has been left quite a significant amount of money which she should have by end of September. I can only do what i can do and i remember how my parents helped us out when we were in trouble. What has annoyed me thou is the fact that whilst one owed me money which they still do they managed to find the money for a expensive holiday in the tropics plus money for another expensive item. We cant afford a holiday or even a weekend break now and things will be very tight until the new year. :mad::mad:

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Replies

  • SystemSystem
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    Just say no. They dont need it and as long as you keep giving they will keep asking.

    When you borrowed money off your parents did you really need it or did you spend it on foreign holidays and expensive items?
  • pinkshoespinkshoes Forumite
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    I would be honest and say that you cannot afford it.

    I would then contact your other two kids that still owe money and say to them that you are financially in need and can the repay their debts.

    Kids just assume their parents heads are well above water and would be none the wiser unless you say something.

    Be honest with them and ask for the money back.
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
  • Muscle750Muscle750 Forumite
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    we really needed it
  • gettingtheresometimegettingtheresometime Forumite
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    Then don't lend.

    If they moan that you lent their siblings money then tell them the truth - you'd be happy to lend them the money but don't have it available as their siblings didn't repay their loan.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared :) thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
  • balletshoesballetshoes Forumite
    16.6K posts
    they are all adults OP, surely they all know the cost of living, and so when you tell them you can't afford to lend them any more money, and you'd appreciate them paying their debts back to you as a priority, they'd understand that you also have bills to pay, and you are also on a fixed income?
  • Geoff1963Geoff1963 Forumite
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    Have a family gathering, and tell those that haven't repaid, that they are letting down those who now want to borrow.
  • FBabyFBaby Forumite
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    They are entitled OP, and they are because you still treat them like vulnerable kids and they have a sense of entitlement. It's disgusting that they should borrow money, stop repaying, go on holiday whilst you can't afford to. They get away with it because they don't have to feel any guilt since you say nothing and probably still welcome you into your house with open arms, more or less telling them that it's ok.

    Time to act like parents and teach them about responsibility. They were LUCKY that you agreed to lend them money, not repaying is showing very poor respect back and they need to be told so.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    I think you've been silly lending money to at least one of your children who - even though they had to ask you to lend them money - managed to magic money out of thin air to pay for a holiday and an expensive item.

    Not to mention that you've allowed 2 of your children to get away with not paying you back.
    Judge Rinder would 'tut tut'.

    However, I think you've set yourself a precedent.
    Can you really say 'no' to the 3rd child who asks to borrow money when you've not said 'no' to 2 of your other children?

    I'd start by speaking to both of the lenders and tell them they need to start paying back the money they've borrowed.
    Set out a payment plan - direct debit for £x per month into your account.

    I'd also quiz the child who's asked to borrow money.
    What's it for?
    Why can't it wait for a couple of months until his wife gets her inheritance.
    Why can't they cut back on their expenses like you've had to do instead of asking to borrow from you?
  • I think the rub is that rather than paying you back one has chosen an expensive holiday which is totally wrong. It happened to me so i understand.

    I think from now on no more lends from you, explain you just dont have the money and are looking for what was borrowed to be repaid.

    If they still want to borrow they can do it between thelselves as they are adults.
  • onomatopoeia99onomatopoeia99 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    I'd start by speaking to both of the lenders and tell them they need to start paying back the money they've borrowed.
    Set out a payment plan - direct debit for £x per month into your account.
    Technical point - you mean standing order, not direct debit. Individuals cannot be recipients of direct debit payments, banks require significant guarantees and paperwork before they allow anyone the ability to take money from someone else's account by DD.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

    5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.
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