Help with sex offender ex and my children pls

zexbox

I would like to thank you all for your replies. The guy when he committed the crime was 28 and she was 15. However I have found out today that my friend whilst with her ex found text messages on his phone before he smashed it up with text messages he was sending to a 14 year old and how they love each other. My friend is very insecure, and after a huge argument she still stayed with him. It was only when she found out he did it again with a 15 year old she finally got rid of him. This guy is a pain, and she really does not want him in her or her kids life ever again, it was bad enough he wished his kids dead, but it is obvious he does not want to see the children he only wants to do all of this so he can see her and try to get back with her. This is despite the fact that my friend is now married, and the children have a good father in their life. Thanks again all

TBagpuss

, it was bad enough he wished his kids dead, but it is obvious he does not want to see the children he only wants to do all of this so he can see her and try to get back with her

If he made threats about the children this is very relevant indeed.

If she feels that he is using this as a way to try to contact her, then (once he is released) offering contact i circumstances where she has no contact with him would be the way to go - for instance, offering contact where it is (say) her mother, sister or friend who takes the children to visit him, remains during any initial visits while the children get to know him, and deal with hand-overs moving forward. If she offers something along those lines and he refuses then she has demonstrated that she is reasonable and child focused, and he has demonstrated that he isn't.

If she offers something like that and he accepts, then he has the opportunity to develop a relationship with the children without being involved in her life.

But it is perfectly reasonable to do nothing while he is still inside.

It is also worth bearing in mind that it is very unusual for someone to be sent to prison for a sex offence where the sex was consensual, even where it was illegal because one party was under 16. (the bigger age gap makes it more likely, but even so, it's at the higher end of the range of sentences. Did your friend go to the trial? I would be suspicious as to whether there was more to it than he disclosed to her. If he does make an application to court for contact then Cafcass would be involved and would be able to make enquiries with Probation to clarify this.

Guest101

TBagpuss wrote: »

If he made threats about the children this is very relevant indeed.

If she feels that he is using this as a way to try to contact her, then (once he is released) offering contact i circumstances where she has no contact with him would be the way to go - for instance, offering contact where it is (say) her mother, sister or friend who takes the children to visit him, remains during any initial visits while the children get to know him, and deal with hand-overs moving forward. If she offers something along those lines and he refuses then she has demonstrated that she is reasonable and child focused, and he has demonstrated that he isn't.

If she offers something like that and he accepts, then he has the opportunity to develop a relationship with the children without being involved in her life.

But it is perfectly reasonable to do nothing while he is still inside.

It is also worth bearing in mind that it is very unusual for someone to be sent to prison for a sex offence where the sex was consensual, even where it was illegal because one party was under 16. (the bigger age gap makes it more likely, but even so, it's at the higher end of the range of sentences. Did your friend go to the trial? I would be suspicious as to whether there was more to it than he disclosed to her. If he does make an application to court for contact then Cafcass would be involved and would be able to make enquiries with Probation to clarify this.

Criminal cases are public record - should be able to find out some basic info with a bit of googling

lincroft1710

TBagpuss wrote: »

It is also worth bearing in mind that it is very unusual for someone to be sent to prison for a sex offence where the sex was consensual, even where it was illegal because one party was under 16.

I may be wrong, but I thought where a person is under the age of consent, there cannot be consensual sex.

Loz01

TBagpuss wrote: »

It is also worth bearing in mind that it is very unusual for someone to be sent to prison for a sex offence where the sex was consensual, even where it was illegal because one party was under 16.

If the victim was under 16 then it cannot be consensual. Especially if he was 28 years old as the OP has now said.

Fosterdog

lincroft1710 wrote: »

I may be wrong, but I thought where a person is under the age of consent, there cannot be consensual sex.

There are grey areas, such as say a couple with one being 15 and the other just turning 16. Generally if the younger person is 14 or older and the older person is under 20 it tends to be overlooked if it is consensual (although the older partner does get a warning). It could also be a situation of an underage person lying about their age, especially if they look older, particularly in places like pubs where it would be reasonable for the older person to believe the younger person is old enough if they are being served alcohol.

It's not to say there is anything right about the situations but a common sense approach would see that each situation is different. A friend's step daughter had a 17 year old boyfriend when she was 14 and they had sex, her grandmother found out and reported the boyfriend to the police. They interviewed both, she admitted it was consensual and he had a warning but no charges. They had known each other their whole lives and six years on they are still together with a baby, and planning their wedding so there was nothing sinister about their relationship at the time other than them being three years apart in age. Of course none of the parents were happy and wished they had waited and lectured them both, they ended their relationship for a year but ended up back together.

onomatopoeia99

lincroft1710 wrote: »

I may be wrong, but I thought where a person is under the age of consent, there cannot be consensual sex.

No.

The law acknowledges that there can be consent when the victim is under 16 but at least 13, but even with consent, it's still an offence that carries the possibility of imprisonment - max 6 months at the magistrates, 10 years in crown court ("sexual activity with a child", section 9 of the sexual offences act, 2003).

If there is no consent and what happened is vaginal, anal or oral penetration with a penis, then irrepective of the age of the victim, the offence is rape (section 1, sexual offences act 2003) , which is altogether more serious and carries the possibility of life imprisonment. S2 and s3 cover other non-consensual sexual assaults and these also apply irrespective of the age of the victim.

If the victim is under 13 then whether consent is given or not to such penetration as described in section 1, the offence is rape of a child under 13 (section 5, same legislation). That's our equivalent of what American cop shows call statutory rape.


That's a very approximate summary and one should read the legislation to understand it completely. All statute law still in force is published on the government website, all the way back the statute of Marlborough (1267).

Geoff1963

The Americans have a Romeo and Juliet Law, which sort of makes it official :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape#Romeo_and_Juliet_laws

We have a similar oddness in the UK with smoking in cars : if one person is under 18, that person can smoke but no-one else can ; if two or more are under 18, none can.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

TBH, if I had the money in that situation, I'd seriously consider moving and hope that he lost interest.

TBagpuss

Loz01 wrote: »

If the victim was under 16 then it cannot be consensual. Especially if he was 28 years old as the OP has now said.

As others have said, legally there are grey areas. Someone under 16 may be able to consent, their consent doesn't make the sexual activity lawful, whereas someone under 13 cannot consent.

A large age gap, as in this case, is a aggravating factor.