Contacting an old friend

Fireflyaway

Like many people do but might not admit to, I sometimes google old friends, work colleagues, school friends etc! Just out of interest to see how they turned out, where life took them etc.
Anyway today I googled someone who was my best friend from age 11 to 23 when we fell out and haven't spoken since. That was 14 years ago. Today I found that her dad passed away nearly a year ago.
I'm wondering if I should send her a letter to say I heard about her dad and to say that although we have not spoken in years, I have no bad feelings for her, only lots of great memories to be honest.
I don't want to rekindle our friendship but I'd hate her to have thought all these years I disliked her or something. I have nice memories of her dad too. Both were a big part of my younger days. We did everything together .
What would you do?

k3lvc

Isn't this exactly what Facebook and t'interweb are for ?

I've 10yrs on you and I'm still rekindling relationships with schoolfriends/ex-colleagues around the world

silvercar

Just write a letter saying how sorry to hear of her Dad's passing etc I wouldn't mention that you don't have bad feelings to her.

Fireflyaway

I'm not on social media so I'd write a letter. I thought she might think it weird after 14 years and who knows she might have bad feelings about me?!
I suppose I'm scared she might reply and say some not nice things / have bad feelings towards me / want to meet etc.

clairec79

So you don't want to have a friendship with this person, you want to contact her but not have her reply.

I'd find it weird (and if she's moved house sending a letter to her new address would feel a little stalkerish to me)

If someone sent me a message on facebook, or even a letter via my parents who still live at my old address (or my address if I still lived where I did 14 years ago) and wanted a casual friendship then thats different, or even if the father had recently died then condolences may be less odd

Red-Squirrel_2

If you don't want to rekindle a friendship I'd just leave it. It ended when you were 23 and that's that.

If you were happy to catch up, chat, acknowledge birthdays etc. I'd say sign up for Facebook and drop her a line on there, but if you don't want that then let sleeping dogs lie.

Loz01

I have a friend who I rarely speak to anymore. We didn't fall out or anything, both just got busy with work and life! When her Dad died I put a card through her door with a note inside saying I know we don't speak much but I'm so sorry about your Dad, keep your chin up etc and she text me to say thank you. So I'd go for a card/letter.

PasturesNew

Write a letter, not mentioning your past, but jotting down a couple of memories of something her dad said/did.

You don't have to rake over the old coals of your friendship - it's about her dad, not you/her.

Pollycat

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Like many people do but might not admit to, I sometimes google old friends, work colleagues, school friends etc! Just out of interest to see how they turned out, where life took them etc.
Anyway today I googled someone who was my best friend from age 11 to 23 when we fell out and haven't spoken since. That was 14 years ago. Today I found that her dad passed away nearly a year ago.
I'm wondering if I should send her a letter to say I heard about her dad and to say that although we have not spoken in years, I have no bad feelings for her, only lots of great memories to be honest.
I don't want to rekindle our friendship but I'd hate her to have thought all these years I disliked her or something. I have nice memories of her dad too. Both were a big part of my younger days. We did everything together .
What would you do?

To me, this is key.

If a friend who I'd not spoken to for 14 years after a fall-out contacted me a year after my Dad had died to simply express their condolences with no intention of renewing the friendship, I'd find it distinctly weird.
And unwanted.

Ilona

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Anyway today I googled someone who was my best friend from age 11 to 23 when we fell out and haven't spoken since. That was 14 years ago. Today I found that her dad passed away nearly a year ago.

What would you do?

Nothing. You have moved on, she has moved on, get on with the rest of your life. Friends come and go for various reasons, no point in living in the past.

Ilona

Fireflyaway

Thanks everyone I don't know where she lives but her mum still lives in the same home so would put a card through the door there.
Yes maybe I am weird not wanting a friendship. I just have fond memories of her dad and wanted to say sorry.
I've had a think and based on the advice have decided not to do anything. I don't want to rake up anything or risk her wanting to meet and me not wanting to etc so its easier to leave it be.