Feel sick with worry

Liz_the_Whizz

beckseven,

I have never posted on this part of MSE, but I saw your sad face and just had to let you know I'm rooting for you.

You must speak to your OH, it is unfair to put you under such stress especially with your young son.

I've been lucky as me and my DH have always had a joint bank account and shared everything.

After our son was born, and it was time for me to go back to work, I went down to 4 days like you have and so did my DH. That way, we each had a day when we were on our own with our son, then he was three days in the nursery. It's a time to cherish, they grow up so fast and you never get that time back.

So stick by your guns with your 4 day working. I know it's an expensive time, but if you pool resources, you can get by OK.

And if he wants to be hard-headed about it, then throw this into the equation. Do you share all the work around the house etc equally? If not, cost that up - you probably do stuff on your day off that he takes for granted. Charge him the going rate for what you do for him and watch him run for cover.

Bottom line is that you should at least pay proportionately to your income. You have no chance to build up an emergency fund as things are, like when your car goes wrong. That's where his extra income should be supporting the family unit not ruining it.

I know it's easy for us here on the sidelines - good luck, you'll know how best to melt his heart.

chevalier

I would like to apologise for my rather blunt reply earlier:rolleyes: ! However I really hope you can make Mark see how one sided this is, and that you can work out a joing family budget together
chev

tallyhoh

I can't put down exactly what I think about you OH, I would probably get thrown off the site.

Have you asked him why he thinks you should pay exactly half of everything? Can I ask how long off work you had to take to have the baby & if he made your wages up to the same that he was getting or did he keep all his money to himself? would he not think that was fair?

You really need to sit down with him & have a good talk. Does he contribute half of everything else in the home such as childcare, housework, shopping, washing, cooking.

Let him see your SOA & ask him where the "half" is going to come from, oh & next time he wants you to pay your share of an expensive meal, tell him to s*d off & grow up.

Dumyat

your SOA sounds like that of a flat share not a marriage. paying half of everything? we have separate bank accounts but we have worked out a way of paying everything as a couple.

as with a lot of posts on this board, its not just about the money. this doesnt sound like a partnership or a marriage.

purpledelly

I can only add what others have said. I too would get thrown off here if I said what I think. I'm utterly astounded at your husband's attitude and you shouldn't say it's your fault for not saying something - there is no good reason why he wouldn't know it. Quite frankly he's simply selfish and mean and if I was to go a step further I'd also say he's a bully for 'forcing' you out to meals and then making you pay halves. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I really feel for you.

Your SOA doesn't really add up as someone else said so I'm not sure. Your income at the top of it adds up to more than 922 (with the vouchers etc) so I'm confused by that. Then you restate outgoings a couple of times but include slightly different things. If you could possibly edit it or repost it to make it quite clear what you are paying and what your income is that may help us advise you on sorting you out. And I'd suggest trying to save yourself a nest egg for when you wake up and kick the selfish so and so into touch Alternatively, with luck when he has it spelt out plainly to him he will feel ashamed enough to be supportive. I sincerely hope that happens and I'm sending you hugs xx

Pinklepurr

To split bills 50/50 is silly when you earn much less that your DH. How about you pay the same percentage of your monthly earnings into a joint account to cover bills etc, then whatever is left you can use for your own needs such as clothes/going out etc. For example, If he takes home 2k per month and puts 75% (£1,500) into a joint account. You put in 75% of your monthly income too, then it is fair. He'll have put in more as he earns more, but the proportion is the same. At the moment you are getting in to debt to cover the bills while presumably your DH has spare cash. This is the way my DH and I do it and both of us feel this is fair. Good luck and I hope you can work things out.

bathgatebuyer

Wow - this thread has really reminded me how good it is to be single! I cannot believe that your husband expects you to go halves on things - I'm astonished and quite angry about that. Marriage is meant to be a partnership, in sickness and in health, what's yours is mine and all that even more so when there is the responsibility of looking after a child.

Work everything out on a percentage basis so that you each pay a proportionate share of everything. Maybe then he can see how much you are effectively subsidising him and his lifestyle with your money.

Gawd, I'm still fuming about that!!! Forget about that blind date on Friday night, I don't want a bloody man!

In_Search_Of_Me

What a horrible situation to be in. Like others I suggest that you sit down & have a chat to OH and expain how stressful & upsetting all of this is for you. Hopefully he will understand and change his ways. If he doesent I am at a loss for what to suggest! I know we've only heard one half of the story but just hoping that he understands what stress you are under & changes his ways! Big hug for you & let us know how you get on!

mogwai

Hey, Im really sorry to hear about your situation, and that your OH is not more understanding. To expect expensive presents from someone who earns much less than him is just strange.

Maybe he is not fully aware of your situation (though thats down to him not being thoughtful, you shouldnt have to make him aware of basic things like this). You could suggest that instead of going to expensive restaurants, you alternate, e.g. on his night he picks some where he is happy to go and pay for, and on your nights, you choose somewhere that is more suitable for your budget.

If you are getting into debt, then better to let him know now how the situation is than to let it continue like this. The position you are in, entering into debt, is ridiculous when your OH seems to have spare cash floating around,...whatever happened to a husband and wife supporting each other? Sorry, Im ranting, but maybe you are not aware of how unfair and imbalanced the situation is.

Be honest with your husband, and see how wiling he is to help when he has the situation in black and white. Good luck.

sparklygirl1

OMG. Can't believe you split the bills for eating out. Also mortgage etc should be done on a percentage of what you earn....... Hope this make sense. I find that as a Mum you spend most of your spare money on LO's so do you bill him for half of the treats etc? It all comes out of the same pot, the family pot. I would give him a certain percentage, ie if you earn only 80% of what he earns then you only pay 80% of half........