Feel sick with worry

beckseven

I'm going to post this statement of affairs on here.


Pay 826.19 plus 243.00 in child care vouchers and 300 supermarket vouchers
Tax credit 23.50
Child benefit 72.40

Total-922.09

Outgoings-Nursery fees 546/2=273
-Mortgage-1400/2=700
Pet insurance-19.38/2=9.69
Tv-11.24/2=5.62
Shopping-300/2=150

Half of everything=1138.31

At present on halved bills I pay

Nursery fees-546
Pet insurance-19.38
TV-11.24
Shopping-300
876.62

At present Mark pays
Mortgage 1400
1400

I need to pay mark 262.04 to make this equal. This means we have the same outgoings.

From 922.09 ingoings, I pay

303 nursery (rest goes automatically from pay via vouchers
262 to Mark
Pet insurance 19.38
TV license 11.54
Mobile bill-15
Specsavers-10
Car insurance-21.87
Credit card-100
Left with 179.00 for everything else including petrol for the month.

Hope this makes sense. I just don't know where to turn. My husbands earns much more than me-my basic is 21,000 and my husbands is 35,000 plus 250 car allowance. however he expects me to pay exactly half of everything. If I say I cant manage he says that I will have to go back to work full time-I work four days a week and have a day off to spend with my 19 month year old little boy. He expects me to go out for meals and pay half towards them even though I would rather not go out as I can't afford it. He buys me nice presents for Christmas and my birthday and anniversaries etc which I do not ask for and then sulks when I cannot reciprocate in such a lavish way. I can work nights and weekends in my job sometimes so the extra money I earn for this i put towards our holidays-I paid the whole £800 for our summer holiday out of this money. I had 469 pounds saved for Christmas but my car broke down and needed mot so this money is now gone. I have now ran out of money for the month-until 23rd and have had to resort to using my credit card-I am already in debt. I feel so out of control. Can someone offer any advice?

nickelodeon

You really need to sit down with your husband and go through your finances, it's not fair that you are getting in to debt while he has extra money to do whatever he likes with. Your supposed to be in a partnership and need to work together financially for your child and each other. What is he doing with the rest of his wages?

Also just a thought to save money, can he also get child care vouchers through his work?

Emmzi

How about he works the 4 day week to even things up??

TOBRUK

I agree with nickelodeon - you are married yet you seen to be living as a single person sharing a house!! I can't believe that you go out to eat and he knows you can't afford to pay half (or does he?), and yet you go!What is going on here? You really do have to sit down and discuss these issues and make him understand - does he actually know your circumstance in all this? What would he do if you told him you couldn't pay extra for the mortgage?

Anyway, I'm sure someone will come along and try and help you with the debt side of things, but I think you have other issues to deal with.;)

chevalier

I am astonished by your OH's attitude! What a selfish git! Sorry but he is! I would suggest that for a week you do none of his washing, ironing, cooking etc and see how much you put into the relationship that ISN'T money! Grrr!

Seriously though, you should point out to him that if you start to default on your debts because of his silly attitude, it will affect him as well as you are financially linked via the mortgage.

My OH and I have always had differing wages, and have therefore contributed proportionately to the joint account. I have been a part time student this year, so have had no money so OH has shouldered the burden, and I have shopped very frugally to balance it out.

Please try and sort this out before it gets any worse. He has no right to make you feel bad like this over money, when he earns so much more than you.
chev

beckseven

Thanks for the advice-when I was reading the thread I wrote I thought myself-what a ridiculous situation to get in. I have printed the soa out and will give it to him tonight to let him know the reality of things. I am probably too proud to let him know I can't afford things. Basically we used to live in a smaller house and earned much the same before we had our little boy but we have moved and he has done well in his job and his wages have way exceeded mine. I think he is still stuck in the mindset of how we were and I have been too weak and pathetic to point things out for fear of upsetting him. I'm going to go home and give him the soa. Can't go on like this and I feel ill with worry.

misspoppy

I can't believe this when you marry its 50/50 work your wages out as a % of his and say thats how much you can contribute. Your half is 77% of your money but Marks half is 52% of his income (approx) thats not on.

Next time he asks you out say no i can't afford it unless you are paying i don't understand some peoples attitude

Lemon_Tree

good luck talking it through with him, please let us know how you have done, maybe we can help you when he know's how you feel and the situation you're in.

misspoppy

beckseven wrote: »

Thanks for the advice-when I was reading the thread I wrote I thought myself-what a ridiculous situation to get in. I have printed the soa out and will give it to him tonight to let him know the reality of things. I am probably too proud to let him know I can't afford things. Basically we used to live in a smaller house and earned much the same before we had our little boy but we have moved and he has done well in his job and his wages have way exceeded mine. I think he is still stuck in the mindset of how we were and I have been too weak and pathetic to point things out for fear of upsetting him. I'm going to go home and give him the soa. Can't go on like this and I feel ill with worry.

When you went part time he should have realised that you could continue to pay half especially when he has had pay rises so he is in the wrong, not you

nickelodeon

It's definitely not worth making yourself ill over and I'd hope that if you explain the situation to your husband and how much you are worrying about it he will understand and do something about it. I'm sure he would not want you to make yourself ill!

Good luck and let us know how you get on!

tigtag02

:wave:

I have to say I am really confused by your SOA (but then I do have my moments ). Is the £826 inclusive of the vouchers or as well as?

Anyhoo, other than reiterating what the others are saying (I totally understand what its like to come to the realisation your bloke is a bit of a git ) my first thought is can Mark also get £243 childcare vouchers a month? This would give him a little bit extra tax releif and mean there would be less *real* money to find for your provider.

Just a thought
tigtag