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The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.
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The fact that someone can go missing for 3 days and nobody even knows. This tells us a lot about our society. He sounds like quite a fun and interesting character, and clearly pretty active, but he had presumably just outlived all his friends.
Maybe he has lots of friends but doesn't contact them every day. My friends wouldn't notice if I didn't contact them for a while.Got back home after a trip to the USA. Drove round seeing fall foliage then 3 days in Boston. Beautiful scenery.
Some of the hotels were "interesting" - one had a notice above the conveyor belt toaster to say please do not put butter/jelly/peanut butter on the bread before putting it in the toaster....
Boston was fine until I got a phone call from my brother to say my mother had died. Not a fun journey back home across the Atlantic. Off to sort things out with my brothers today; not looking forward to that. Sleep would have been good but maybe a luxury at the moment.
Sorry to put a downer on things. Carry on as you were.
So sorry for your loss.
We have a new date for dad's operation. Hospital called this morning before 8, he has to go in on Sunday afternoon for operation Monday morning.
Hoping for the best this time.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
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I have some nice news: I've had my 2nd cataract op a couple of days ago so I no longer have unbalanced vision, and can now see properly where the edges of steps are, and should be able to get out of my DD2's front door without having someone hold my arm - she has a slightly fiddly arrangement with the edge of the doorframe being very near the edge of the top step, and for 7 weeks I just couldn't work out where the edge of the step was. I'll have to regain my confidence on escalators too, as I've been unable to use those safely. I've been ok on the travellator at Tesco though, as that doesn't have steps
Congratulations. Once Aged P had had his cataracts done, his vision was better than it had been for decades!Pyxis I've signed that petition. I despair at the parlous state of music in state schools in England; I don't know about other UK countries, but when I was at secondary school in Scotland in the late 1960s instument lessons were free.
That's interesting. Were they individual instrumental lessons or in big groups? Schools in England are already desperately underfunded and getting worse. I'm afraid I don't see much prospect of anybody finding the funding for children to be taught anything, including music, in groups smaller than a whole class of 30, and I'm not sure how well you can learn an instrument in that kind of context.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Maybe he has lots of friends but doesn't contact them every day. My friends wouldn't notice if I didn't contact them for a while.
I think there are people, gregarious by nature, who nevertheless don't get to talk to people on a regular basis. That's particularly an issue for elderly folk. The government is starting a loneliness initiative, but it's really something that could be tackled at a grass roots level.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
I think there are people, gregarious by nature, who nevertheless don't get to talk to people on a regular basis. That's particularly an issue for elderly folk. The government is starting a loneliness initiative, but it's really something that could be tackled at a grass roots level.
You can be talking to "people" every day, but if they aren't the same people every day, they won't notice. Suppose you have dozens of friends and are far from lonely, but in a typical week you see Albert and Bob on Monday, Albert again on Tuesday, Charlotte and Diana on Wednesday, Bob and Edward on Thursday, Frank on Friday, Georgina, Charlotte and Albert on Saturday. On Sunday you have a fall and don't see anyone, but because you didn't have a particular arrangement to see a particular person on Sunday, nobody raises the alarm. If you'd gone to church, you'd have seen Diana. If you'd dropped into the village shop, you'd have seen Frank. If you'd walked your dog at the same time as Charlotte, you'd have seen her. But Diana assumes you've decided to walk the dog this Sunday morning and go to church in the evening. Frank doesn't see anything odd in your not being in the shop at the same time as him, any more than Charlotte thinks it odd that you don't happen to be walking your dog at the same time as her. Etc etc...Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
I think there are people, gregarious by nature, who nevertheless don't get to talk to people on a regular basis. That's particularly an issue for elderly folk. The government is starting a loneliness initiative, but it's really something that could be tackled at a grass roots level.
I think most people don't "understand" loneliness, so they will spend a lot of money achieving nothing... as many Govt Depts do
What is loneliness? Lack of suitable human contact...
How do you get that? You get out...
So out where... and how ... and how far is that ... and transport ...
I'm of the opinion that housing people "just like themselves" is part of the answer, rather than this current idea of "mixed development" - because we all become acquaintances/friends with people "just like us" ... and not with "entirely different people" who lead entirely different lives.....
They like to split everybody up really ....
ASTs can't help either as people don't develop a sense of belonging anywhere .... no feeling they are staying for many years if they wish.
The cost of "going out/doing stuff" has become increasingly prohibitive in recent years too. e.g. you used to, say, have a local fireworks event ... you turned up, free, "everybody" was there ... you mingled. Now they sell tickets, fewer people will be there ... maybe nobody you know. £7 to shuffle into a field and maybe see nobody you know, sack that off then....0 -
PasturesNew wrote: »I think most people don't "understand" loneliness, so they will spend a lot of money achieving nothing... as many Govt Depts do
What is loneliness? Lack of suitable human contact...
How do you get that? You get out...
So out where... and how ... and how far is that ... and transport ...
I'm of the opinion that housing people "just like themselves" is part of the answer, rather than this current idea of "mixed development" - because we all become acquaintances/friends with people "just like us" ... and not with "entirely different people" who lead entirely different lives.....
They like to split everybody up really ....
ASTs can't help either as people don't develop a sense of belonging anywhere .... no feeling they are staying for many years if they wish.
The cost of "going out/doing stuff" has become increasingly prohibitive in recent years too. e.g. you used to, say, have a local fireworks event ... you turned up, free, "everybody" was there ... you mingled. Now they sell tickets, fewer people will be there ... maybe nobody you know. £7 to shuffle into a field and maybe see nobody you know, sack that off then....
It's not just lack of human contact though, as you can have that and still be lonely.
It's more a case of a lack of significant human contact. I.e. contact with humans who are significant to you and to whom you are significant.(I just lurve spiders!)
INFJ(Turbulent).
Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
I love :eek:0 -
Well, shared interests... not everybody's got anybody at all....It's not just lack of human contact though, as you can have that and still be lonely.
It's more a case of a lack of significant human contact. I.e. contact with humans who are significant to you and to whom you are significant.
I'd be "lonely" if I accepted some invites I get, just for the sake of getting out. e.g. live music in pubs ... never. beer festivals ... never. While others are "actively and massively enjoying themselves before your very eyes" laughing and swaying with crowds, jostling and joking over the item they're there for ... if you've no interest whatsoever in it you creep backwards into the shadows and look around thinking "Why on earth did I ever come here...." - which is why I say "No thanks" to any similar invites.
Gym, jogging ... you can keep those too.
Wellbeing/mindfulness session .... pfffft.
Pampering/spa/nails done... you what?
I just like to "sit and natter the day away chattering about nothing and taking the pee out of things/situations... " Just "banter". Sit and stare, remark .... then off for a bag of chips
Few do this type of activity these days... or, they do it with "friends" already known/made/long-standing.
Also, a lot of people "offering advice" on what one can do, where one can go, will start their sentence with "WE go ......."
Or that old chestnut if you say something is rubbish on your own, they say "I go on my own sometimes..." not understanding that it's wider than just going. They've chosen to go, they could even force/cajole another.... and probably do quite often... and, when they get home from doing it alone, they then have somebody to natter to for hours about it.... so somebody "who has people around" never knows what a solitary life is like/about. There's also a built-in "inner confidence" when you've come from a couple/family home and gone into an event... that you don't get when you're "alone".
Also - even if I did a LOT more stuff .... the bottom line is "something's very awkward... and I simply don't fit in".0 -
It's not just lack of human contact though, as you can have that and still be lonely.
It's more a case of a lack of significant human contact. I.e. contact with humans who are significant to you and to whom you are significant.
That's very well put, Pyxis.
Some people become very isolated because they become housebound, so they can't continue with Pastures's idea of getting out and meeting people. MIL, when she got older, became very insular as her mind deteriorated. She'd lose her bearings, and wouldn't know where she was or how to get home. That was so frightening that she largely stopped going out.
Technology could help. For example:
https://portal.facebook.com/
Pop one in grandma's house and another in your kitchen. Grandma can look in and see what's going on, watch you cooking, say hello to the grandkids when they get home from school. Much better than phoning grandma once a day for a few minutes.
Or there could be daily conversation groups organised, so people can get together to natter without having to travel.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
That's very well put, Pyxis.
Some people become very isolated because they become housebound, so they can't continue with Pastures's idea of getting out and meeting people. MIL, when she got older, became very insular as her mind deteriorated. She'd lose her bearings, and wouldn't know where she was or how to get home. That was so frightening that she largely stopped going out.
Technology could help. For example:
https://portal.facebook.com/
Pop one in grandma's house and another in your kitchen. Grandma can look in and see what's going on, watch you cooking, say hello to the grandkids when they get home from school. Much better than phoning grandma once a day for a few minutes.
Or there could be daily conversation groups organised, so people can get together to natter without having to travel.
That portal thing sounds like a good idea.(I just lurve spiders!)
INFJ(Turbulent).
Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
I love :eek:0 -
Unexpected but from a pre-existing condition (she had just been passed fit to have the operation).PasturesNew wrote: »Sorry to hear that. Hard times.
Arrangements, keeping yourself busy, grating along with others. Sadness.
Was it unexpected? Or was it "any day now" but you had to go anyway?0
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