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The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.
Comments
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Nice to see you again Masomnia.
I fear I will have some resistance when mum and dad go, I'm the executor of their wills and my instructions are clear....the house has to be sold and the proceeds split 3 ways, under no circumstances is one of us to move in and buy the others out. Unfortunately, both of my siblings love the old house and say it would be good to keep it in the family.
It's why I am the executor and not my elder brother, apparently I am the unemotional, no nonsense, sensible one (I do get emotional...in the privacy of my home), so they feel I would be the only one to carry out their wishes without being hung up on the house, or falling apart.
The sensible thing would be for your parents to explain all that to your siblings now.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
The sensible thing would be for your parents to explain all that to your siblings now.
Absolutely. I read Sue's post as implying that they had already told them, but I see on re-reading that she doesn't indicate one way or the other. If they haven't, then it would certainly be best if they tell them now. And if they feel reluctant to tell them because they don't want to deal with the upset feelings, then that's all the more reason why they should deal with those upset feelings themselves and not delegate that unpleasantness for Sue to deal with when she will inevitably be sad.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
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They have already been told but they are rather attached to the place and the memories so there is the potential for pressure when it does finally happen. My parents know I was the only one who would go through with it and follow everything to the letter as (in their view), I don't get attached to things, well most things ....they didn't see my attachment and heartbreak when I had to sell my book collection to pay bills post divorce. They are right though, the house is just bricks and they are the ones who make it a home, not the bricks so I would have no difficulty in selling when the time comes, the house without them just wouldn't be the same.
With regards to one buying via the open market, I suppose that would be possible but it would also go against their wishes that none of us are to own it after their deaths. They don't want the arguments or one holding others to ransom, just for the house to be sold and proceeds split 3 ways...not that any of us would have the funds to do it anyway.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
They have already been told but they are rather attached to the place and the memories so there is the potential for pressure when it does finally happen. My parents know I was the only one who would go through with it and follow everything to the letter as (in their view), I don't get attached to things, well most things ....they didn't see my attachment and heartbreak when I had to sell my book collection to pay bills post divorce...
...With regards to one buying via the open market, I suppose that would be possible but it would also go against their wishes that none of us are to own it after their deaths. They don't want the arguments or one holding others to ransom, just for the house to be sold and proceeds split 3 ways...not that any of us would have the funds to do it anyway.
Perhaps it's not so much that you don't get attached to things, as that you can place your respect for their wishes as a higher priority than your attachment to things. Which is as it should be....They are right though, the house is just bricks and they are the ones who make it a home, not the bricks so I would have no difficulty in selling when the time comes, the house without them just wouldn't be the same.
Absolutely.
I thought it would be hard to say goodbye to Aged P's house - where I grew up. But as soon as all the nicest things had been moved to his new flat, it no longer felt like his home - or mine. That did feel very sad. But then we went to his flat and walked in the door, and there were all his things in a place with him living in it, and it just felt as though my childhood home had moved there with him. When we go back to the house now to fetch things, it feels like a dead shell of a place that I shan't miss at all.
Am not looking forward to dealing with it. He's not ready for us to start on that yet, but we have begun talking about it.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Lots of lovely emails from all my brothers thanking me for what I'm doing for Aged P and offering to help with the loft.
Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Lots of lovely emails from all my brothers thanking me for what I'm doing for Aged P and offering to help with the loft.
That's so nice. On the family board you see constant arguments between siblings claiming that someone isn't pulling their weight.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
I've had a colonoscopy.
Not in my list of things to experience.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
I thought it would be hard to say goodbye to Aged P's house - where I grew up. But as soon as all the nicest things had been moved to his new flat, it no longer felt like his home - or mine. That did feel very sad. But then we went to his flat and walked in the door, and there were all his things in a place with him living in it, and it just felt as though my childhood home had moved there with him. When we go back to the house now to fetch things, it feels like a dead shell of a place that I shan't miss at all.
Am not looking forward to dealing with it. He's not ready for us to start on that yet, but we have begun talking about it.
just wondering whether you could let it for 6months or a year, and that way, it will be earning its keep while your father is settling to the thought of selling it.
It would also be occupied.I've had a colonoscopy.
Not in my list of things to experience.
I hope all is well?(I just lurve spiders!)
INFJ(Turbulent).
Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom and Official Brainbox
Founder Member: 'WIMPS ANONYMOUS' and 'VICTIMS of the RANDOM HEDGEHOG'
I'm in a clique! It's a clique of one! It's a unique clique!
I love :eek:0 -
Still having ticked it off your bucket list presumably you won't need to rush to have another one.I hope all is well?
Yes all is fine.
Just a precaution, given family history.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0
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