after some advice

onomatopoeia99

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I'd be amazed if he can stop drinking without professional help.

You would be amazed at what some people discover they are capable of then, when faced with a life changing situation.

I feel the OP should seriously consider taking the house (impressed at one being offered in two weeks, from what on of my friends posts on facebook about housing, I thought the waiting lists for council houses were more like 20 years), to give herself and her children stable accommodation and to allow the relationship to be rebuilt (if she wants that and if he can conquer the drinking problem) without the pressure of living together.

cherry123_2

thank you i have had my name down on our housing list for 13 years and always kept it current and upto date as a just in case.

Teapot55

In my experience a person is more likely to beat their addiction if they have got someone who believes in them and supports them in what they are doing. That can be you and also friends who are on the same journey, so the advice above about Al-Anon looks good. I don't know much about Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) but I would imagine they are really good.

When things go wrong in life, as they do, people looking to beat addiction need extra support. For instance, will he still be able to pay all the bills on his place when you are no longer there? That will be a big help if he can, or some financial advice for him would be good if not. Maybe Citizen's Advice or from a trade union if he is in one.

He is really lucky that he has got someone who cares about him, but I would definitely take the house & definitely not invite him to live with you. Like has already been said above, give it time. You can still be kind & loving to him when you do see him, and that will go a long way to improving things. You can still have a brilliant relationship with someone that you are not living with.

Kind wishes

cherry123_2

i do love him very much but i love my kids more and they have heard and seen some shockng behavior from him. i.will help him.as much i can and he can affors to stay in our house as he does work full time and i dont mind helping him out x

Red-Squirrel_2

Good luck. X

Marvel1

Staying is not fair on your children.

anna_1977

Let us know how the viewing goes tomorrow, good luck!

You are doing the right thing for both the kids and you, and like others have said IF he turns it round you can re-look at a relationship down the line

Mojisola

cherry123 wrote: »

i left my childrens dad for the exact same reasons and he died 7 years ago

Ive been with my partner 9 years now and know deep down he isnt a bad person but drink alters him so much.

readingfan wrote: »

Given that your poor children have already had to suffer two 'Dads' that have alcohol problems I'd suggest you concentrate on their needs and give men a miss.

Once you get settled in your new home, get some help to sort out why you've chosen a man with the same problem for a second time.

In the meantime, take readingfan's advice.

badmemory

Firstly one whiff of alcohol and bolt the new door. As for helping him out, I hope you don't mean financially as that boot should be firmly on the other foot.

You don't say if your children are boys or girls or a mix. I think they are always the most worrying in this sort of thing. After all we are adults and make our choices, but we also make these decisions for our children. Children should not be seeing what they are seeing and should certainly not have to be on the receiving end of it. You have the choice to stop that.

When children see bad behaviour they can have different reactions to it. Boys can say either it is acceptable for me to act that way as my mother accepted it so it must be okay or hopefully say to themselves I would never behave like that. Girls can say it is acceptable that I am treated so badly or say no way would I accept that. The trouble is you have no way of knowing which way they will go. In my family, one daughter went one way and the other - the other.

The only one who has a choice here is you.

hazyjo

Be prepared for him to chuck a whole load of blame your way when you do leave and he gets back on it. Alcoholics don't like to blame themselves for putting a glass to their lips.


Good luck. I think you're doing the right thing. You know you're worth more than that.


Out of interest, is he a drinker at home or elsewhere (pub?)?


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