Boyfriend will never have a deeper connection with anyone more than Ex – deal breaker

justanothergal247

He told this to his Ex. I came across an email and it was recent. He left her because he was unhappy in the relationship.

They were together for 3 years. We’ve been together almost a year.

Should this be a deal breaker? He tells me I make him happy and says he loves me everyday.

krlyr

I think it can be easy to say that and believe that at the time, but I'm certainly not a believe in "soul mates" or that your feelings can't change in the future. My ex told me he would never love anyone like he loved me...but he was engaged to his girlfriend before me so he obviously cared about her a lot, and I'm sure he will find someone else he has strong feelings for too at some point.

However, the fact that he is saying things like that to an ex, whilst in a relationship with you...that would be a red flag to me (and also how/why you 'came across' this email - are you having trust issues?)

nicechap

justanothergal247 wrote: »

He told this to his Ex. I came across an email and it was recent. He left her because he was unhappy in the relationship.

They were together for 3 years. We’ve been together almost a year.

Should this be a deal breaker? He tells me I make him happy and says he loves me everyday.

That's a red flag.

Malthusian

justanothergal247 wrote: »

Should this be a deal breaker?

Well, personally if I found my partner going through my private emails I would hope that it was a temporary attack of stress and that we could work through it, rather than an irretrievable breakdown in trust. But yes, some people would consider it a dealbreaker.

The email? Could mean anything.

Alikay

I don't know if it's a deal breaker: It could be that he's not over her yet, in which case your relationship with him isn't built on firm ground. Then again he might just be keeping his options open with her because he's not sure if your relationship will last (which may be down to him not being sufficiently invested in it, or him having concerns that you may not be).

Agree that it's definitely a red flag though. Reading the email may not be down to snooping, but if it IS, why? Do you have trust issues, or does something about his behaviour get your spidey senses tingling?

onomatopoeia99

justanothergal247 wrote: »

I came across an email

That should be a deal breaker for him

In the interests of balance, I would say the same if it was a man reading a woman's private correspondence.

LandyAndy

I always wonder what makes people think to register on a forum and ask a personal question like this with some controversial information as their first post.


Actually, I don't wonder:cool:.

justanothergal247

Very disappointed in the responses here. I 'came' across the email because we share an iPad and he happened to still be logged into his email account when I wanted to log into mine. There the first page of his inbox was filled with recent emails from her, finding that inappropriate and worrisome, I clicked on the first one and the last thing he said to her is what the title of my thread is. I didn't look at any of the other emails. So perhaps be willing to listen to the full side of the story before making judgemental comments.

And LandyAndy, maybe you'll understand when you meet someone, fall in love with them and find out they've said that to their ex partner. It kind of eats at you.

Diary

justanothergal247 wrote: »

He told this to his Ex. I came across an email and it was recent. He left her because he was unhappy in the relationship.

They were together for 3 years. We’ve been together almost a year.

Should this be a deal breaker? He tells me I make him happy and says he loves me everyday.

To me it would be a dealbreaker because he was still communicating with his ex girlfriend in depth rather than what he actually said.
This alone is definitely raising 'red flags as you've been with your boyfriend a year and this is inappropriate.

LandyAndy

justanothergal247 wrote: »

Very disappointed in the responses here. I 'came' across the email because we share an iPad and he happened to still be logged into his email account when I wanted to log into mine. There the first page of his inbox was filled with recent emails from her, finding that inappropriate and worrisome, I clicked on the first one and the last thing he said to her is what the title of my thread is. I didn't look at any of the other emails. So perhaps be willing to listen to the full side of the story before making judgemental comments.

And LandyAndy, maybe you'll understand when you meet someone, fall in love with them and find out they've said that to their ex partner. It kind of eats at you.

Oh, here we go.

Maybe giving the full story at the start would be a plan rather than criticising people for reacting to what you tell them?

justanothergal247

I shouldn't have to explain myself for how I came across the email. That wasn't my question.

But thank you to the commenters who did answer my question.